Monthly Archive: January 2004

Purgatorying

It’s becoming hard to write about anything that I’m totally passionate about nowadays. I’m sort of stuck between “here” and “there”, wherever that is.

Actually, I can’t say that. Interestingly enough, I’ve been involved in many activities lately. A group of us recently took up skating lessons. I took lessons long ago, but it’s been so many years that any skills I had before are now non-existent. Also, my legs must not be trained or something, because I was in so much pain that night. If my calves weren’t aching, my shins would be in pain. I have yet to get used to the feeling again. Tonight is another lesson, and I hope things will turn out a bit better than before.

Last night was taco night at our place. We cooked and cut up enough filling for 10 people to have 7 tacos each. We were all stuffed by the end of the ordeal. I think…”content” would be a good word for the night. The only drawback now is that our apartment reeks of taco. It’ll take a good while before that smell is erased. We had a similar incident a little while back. I was chopping onions one day with a small knife on a small plate (bad idea) when the onions happened to slip out of my hands and onto the floor. I picked up everything I could find and went on with my business. For the next few days everytime you walked into the apartment you smelled this strong odour of onion, which wasn’t all the pleasant. One day while everyone was away decided to do some cleaning. On a whim I decided to move the fridge, and there I find a good dried up chunk of onion. I picked up the chunk and tossed it into the bin. I proceeded to scrub the area under the fridge for a good minute or two. Wouldn’t you know it, the smell cleared up rather quickly.

I do remember that is was about 6:30 am when I cleaned up that chunk of onion. I was up early that morning. I started doing laundry at about 5:30. No one was around the main floor of the lobby except for the janitor waxing the floors. That particular weekend I had my first round of FOC training. It was a basic introduction to the task I was undertaking. It also gave us a chance to meet all the other committees faculty and residence committees organizing orientation week events. Everyone seemed great. I felt pretty much at ease. I’m looking forward to working with many people there.

OK, so I’m not really stuck in limbo. It’s perhaps just tiring thinking of all the things I have on my plate right now. I did once ask to be more than just an average guy just going to class. Now that I’ve got it all, it’s rather frightening.

String pulling

This is what my horoscope said today:

“People don’t really know what to do with you any more. You are not playing by the old rules. Whatever happened to you being emotionally manipulated by guilt and obligation? People pull the strings, but you no longer dance. Congratulations.”

I’ve sort of been being hard on myself over the past week over being emotional. I’ve been continually reminding myself to toughen up. Don’t know, but this passage is a good omen!

Fountain of Youth

I am…aching. I’ve been up and around almost all day fetching items for someone. The items on the list included alcoholic items that I needed to get from the LCBO and the The Beer Store. At each place I fully expected to be carded. Strangely enough, it didn’t happen.

Why? Do I look old enough?

It was extremely cold today, so I wore black flat-fronts under my black jeans, a t-shirt, under a short sleeve button down, under a fleece sweater, under my leather jacket. I was…toasty enough to take off my gloves from time to time.

Anyway, at the LCBO I brought out my license totally preparing the question. But nothing. At the beer store the two guys in front of me were carded so I was getting ready to bring it out, and nothing was asked. Crazy.

Yvonne, Marie, Steve and I were having a related conversation about the topic just the other night. As we look around campus we see the faces of other students, and so many of them just look so fucking young. All things considered, we’re 22, compared to new students who’re probably 17-18. But still, it feels odd thinking that we’re so old-looking, you know?

Man, it probably only goes downhill from here too. Oh well, with age also comes maturity. I suppose thats a more sane approach to watching the impending doom.

Lime jello

I’m sitting in front of my computer with a bowl of cottage cheese and lime jello. It’s not exactly the tastiest thing in the world, but it’s definitely not the worst. Personally I think the jello would’ve been better if I had reduced the water content. It seems a bit runny to me. It’d be at its best if I added a packet of unflavoured gelatin as well.

Jello and cottage cheese were some of the things I bought yesterday when we took a trip to the grocery store. We tried to fit six people into Marie’s car. It was pretty interesting. Yvonne had to sort of duck under in the back, just in case some police cruiser was around. I ended up getting the front seat, only because I would’ve taken up too much room in the back.

Grocery shopping is fun. I certainly enjoy looking at food and thinking about what would go well together and what I might want to eat in the near future. I still haven’t cooked any fresh meat product since my arrival here which seems strange to me. I’m usually quick about doing something involving pork, chicken, or beef. What gives?

The girls managed to find some interesting post-seasonal deals. There was some gingerbread cookie dough that was just 99 cents a tube. How can you go wrong? Yesterday we ended up making gingerbread cookies. I made a hockey player, but after baking it sort of expanded into a fat grandma with a broom. Seriously. There were also enough “turd-shaped” things to go around. Heh. It’s great doing something sort of…well…not immature, but kid-like once in a while. It was fun.

I’ll be honest with you. Being with these people again, it almost feels like a new family of sorts. We get along really well.

I hope this feeling lasts.

…so place the “don’t disturb” sign on the door

I really don’t get it. After attending my first few classes I’m feeling pretty confident. Things are making sense for the time being. I’m sure the feeling will pass sooner rather than later, so I might as well attempt to enjoy these brief moments of…uh…understanding.

The “environment” hasn’t been bad at all lately. I’m doing alright. The girls have been great. I almost totally feel at ease, which is always a good thing. I don’t need to be super stressed so early into the term. It’s not healthy.

I’m rather alright with my early classes. I have class from 8:30 to 11:30, followed by tutorials at 1:30, then possible lab time after that. It seems like a long time, but the mere fact that it’s an early start is a big bonus. It means that I can’t sleep in and wake up in a lethargic mood. It means that I can’t get caught up in something to the point where I’d rather stay at home to continue doing whatever I’m doing instead of attending class. It also means that I can possibly take a nice long nap after my last class of the day.

What’s the matter, Mary Jane?

It’s my first entry this year. Woohoo! I’d prefer to start it on a happy note, but right now I’m not feeling all that jazzed, you know. I’ve only been three days out of work, and already I have to move back to University tomorrow. I’m whimpering around the house at the mere thought of having to be uprooted yet again.

It’s not like I haven’t had quick moves before. One of my favourite related tales is how in December 2002 I finished exams on a Saturday, moved back home on a Sunday, and started work on a Monday. I’m sure I wrote about it in this journal, but that entry was pre-wipeout.

Anyway, I’m not sure what the big difference is this time around. Over the past few days though, we as a family have kind of had loss after loss. No, no one died or anything like that (thank God). It’s just that we’ve had so many relatives over and one by one they’ve gone home. Now our house is empty again. Tomorrow I’ll be leaving. It’s a bit much, isn’t it?

I suppose part of it is that I’m not looking forward to facing the “environment” yet again. Over the past few months I’ve been alluding to mental battles, and it seems that this place will be the final battleground. I’m ready to face some demons, but my head hurts just thinking about it. Grr…and I’ve also got a 25 page report to write up by next Monday.

The change will do me good. I know that I need more variation. Perhaps though, all I really want is just to stay in bed and sleep the days away until. I need a break.

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