Monthly Archive: November 2004

REWIND!

I know it’s late.

Because of that Firefox thing, I’m reverting back to the old template for the time being while I hammer out a new template. Heh. As soon as I reverted back, I noticed that a lot of the date issues I had previously have now been fixed. Odd, eh? I just need to keep checking now and then to make sure that things don’t go bad on me again.

Korn – Thoughtless

Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies
Pushing all the mercy down, down, down
I wanna see you try to take a swing at me
Come on, gonna put you on the ground, ground, ground

Why are you trying to make fun of me?
You think it’s funny?
What the fuck you think it’s doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me
I want you crying with your dirty ass in front of me

All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming

Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies
I’m above you, smiling at you, drown, drown, drown
I wanna kill and rape you the way you raped me
And I’ll pull the trigger
And you’re down, down, down

Why are you trying to make fun of me?
You think it’s funny?
What the fuck you think it’s doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me
I want you crying with your dirty ass in front of me

All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming

All my friends are gone, they died (gonna take you down)
They all screamed, and cried (gonna take you down)

I’ve got my body, got my body back against the wall
I’ve got my body, got my body back against the wall
Gonna take you down

[repeat 2x]

I’ve got my body, got my body back against the wall
I’ve got my body, got my body back against the…

All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming
All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming

Firefox makes Jason cry

I’ve just learned how badly my site looks in Firefox.

I need to change everything.

It makes Jason sad.

:(

“There’s too much humping going on”

Last night I went out to celebrate Darlene’s birthday (again). I say, “again”, because on Sunday I went out with her to East Side Mario’s for dinner. Sunday was her actual birthday, but she decided to split celebrations over two days. Sunday was dinner out, and yesterday was night out at the Bombshelter, which is a club on campus.

Sunday was cool. She arrived with someone named Penny. They’re both really great people, and we all seemed to get along well. I bought Darlene a chocolate martini because I felt that she needed a drink. To my surprise, it seems that she’s a “necker”. After a few sips she was red and quite merry. I was sitting next to her, and her sudden clinginess was entertaining (for me, anyway). Darlene and I look good together in my opinion, but I don’t think anything will happen *shrug*.

Whatever.

Jenelle and Chris arrived a bit later. I think we all enjoyed ourselves…despite the expensive prices, the fact that the waitress almost dropped capaletti on Penny’s lap, and the fact that she dumped a ridiculous amount of cheese long after I said, “that’s enough!” I guess all that matters is that Darlene had fun.

Yesterday, the birthday girl went to the Bomber. I had class that night, so I had to join her a bit later than the time she specified. By the time I got to the SLC, there was already a long lineup to get into the place. I decided to just wait around because she said that she’d meet people outside if there was a line. Sure enough, out she came–but I couldn’t help but laugh a bit when I saw her. She was wearing a tiara and had a wand that had flashing LEDs on it; that, and she was already quite red and merry. The group that attended this outing as different from the Sunday one. I mean, I didn’t know anyone at this one. Mind you, Penny was there, but I had just met her on Sunday night.

Penny was pinching me and poking me all night. I kept telling her to stop, but she kept doing it. What was I going to do? She was already drunk. I guess I put up with it enough to the point where people assumed that I was her boyfriend. Heh.

So yeah, I didn’t know anyone in the group that she invited except for Penny, and Roselle. Roselle was a fellow FOC member for this past orientation week. It was a pleasant surprise to see her there. Now, not knowing anyone would have made me a bit uncomfortable, but I really tried my best to mingle. Inevitably though, I ended up sticking close to Penny and Roselle. Darlene was drunk and acting much like a social butterfly…going around from person to person, striking up conversation, hitting on numerous people–to which I say, good for her. For a period there she was just kissing and hugging random people. Man, was she drunk.

The crowd has heavy that night, as it usually is on a Wednesday night. I saw many people I knew there. There were a few from my class, a few leaders that I hired from Frosh week, a few people from my old class, and other FOC members. I managed to greet all of them. The dance floor was crowded. I will quote one of Darlene’s friends by saying that there was “too much humping going on.” Heh. At the very least, there didn’t seem to be any raised skirts and obvious fucking going on.

It was a different experience. I’ve never been in there on a full night. I was uncomfortable, but I still forced myself out there. I hope the birthday girl had a good time (oh, I’m sure she did…but I hope she got someone to walk her home).

Tidying Up

TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK

I’m waiting for my laundry to finish right now. I’ve been wanting to do laundry for the past two weeks but I’ve just been way too busy for the past little while. After yesterday’s all-nighter, I think it’s now past due.

While I’ve been waiting, I decided to go through my MSN contact list just to perform some maintenance. Besides examining your own contact list, there’s an option that allows you to see who still has you on their contact list. It’s kind of interesting.

Upon checking today, I’ve noticed that there’s a bit of a shift in people who have me on their list. People who had me perhaps a month ago have now decided to get rid of me. Heheh. I’m not surprised in some cases. For some people, they only added me in order to get some business done, you know? In other cases, it goes back to the whole burning bridges thing I mentioned a few entries ago. I guess, back then I was half expecting some of those people to try to rekindle a friendship. I worth being friends with, right? Well I’ve just been proven wrong.

Hahah. It really is something that I just haven’t figured out yet, I guess. Not everyone will like you. In fact, you’ll most definitely build enemies over the span of a lifetime. Some enemies may become friends. Some friends will become enemies while others will just drop out of the picture altogether. A list of friends is not static; it’s ever-evolving.

I’m almost not sad to see these people get rid of me. In fact, it makes me wonder why I haven’t dumped these people earlier. I need to be stronger for my own sake, you know? Otherwise, I’ll just end up spread thin.

That being said…

NO MERCY, NO MORE

Make it end.

This lab isn’t getting done any faster. We reach a certain limit at about 11 or midnight, and from that point we haven’t been able to optimize our code any further. Even so, we’ve been sitting here in the lab all night waiting for everyone in our group to be convinced that the code is as good as it’s going to get.

I’ve already exploded at another group member for continually bugging me about the report. I sort of want to apologize…but really…fuck it. I’m tired.

We should have been out of here at midnight…maybe 1 at the latest. This is fucking ridiculous.

Venus in Scorpio

Scorpio (Oct. 24 � Nov. 22)

The sun has now departed your sign, while Venus has just entered. This is auspicious. You could even safely indulge in a little optimism and enthusiasm for your forthcoming outlook. Love is on the way.

- Phil Booth

Burning Bridges

I did a bit of a tour around some friends and acquaintances’ blogs and online journals just to see what was up. I’m truly intrigued by some things that have been stated. I now have a feeling that I’ve truly been burning bridges with a few of them. By “burning bridges”, I mean ending friendships without looking back.

Someone recently wrote about becoming comfortable around a set of friends, and fearing that the friends will react differently to the more “real” person. That may be the case, but I truly believe that most friends will stick together even after seeing the “true self”. The thing is, as the person changing, you cannot just make judgment so hastily and assume the that you are automatically hated and have become a parasite. Far from it. Humans are habitual creatures, right? Of course people are going to react if something is different. The difference is that people that care about you will stick around.

Also consider that at the same time you are changing, your friends are evolving in the same manner.

I don’t consider myself to be an ogre. I don’t suddenly end things on whim because of some obscure reason that only has meaning in my mind. Far from it. I’ve stated many times that I’m a very sensitive guy; and I will stand by that statement wholeheartedly. So, why the change in attitude?

I’m changing. I no longer want to be trampled on just because I’m conscientious of how other people feel. I will be loud and obnoxious when I need to be. I will be sensitive and caring when I need to be. No matter what though, I will be your friend because I am loyal.

That said, I expect the same. I will respect you even when you may be acting like a fucking-pain-in-the-ass (everyone has their moments)–if only because you put up with my jackass ways.

If you think I’m turning my back on you, that’s unfortunate. If I truly am, it’s because I’m not getting the reciprocal respect I’m giving out. Otherwise, it’s all in your mind.

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