Never have I felt so much hatred for the place and situation I’m currently in. It’s not that it’s unbearable. It’s just that my spirit is very much broken–almost seemingly defeated.
I am finding myself with a severe dislike of my program. Early on, people said that 2B was the roughest term. In certain ways, it really was. The 2A term was a veritable cake walk in comparison. All of a sudden, you’re beaten down and buried with shitloads of work and tons of expectations. It was that term when I first heard of the horrors of third year. 3A was definitely a tough term. I hit numerous breaking points while studying for finals. I was in horrible fear of failing the term. I made it through though. Now that I’m in 3B…where were the warnings this time? It almost seems that the upper years remained oddly silent about their experiences in this term.
It’s because their fighting spirit had been stripped away from them. They were gutted of any pride in the program.
Now, I guess that’s a bit of an unfair assessment. I mean, there are surely some people who still care about computer engineering. The thing is, this people are woefully outnumbered by the disgruntled and burned out students.
I might change my tune in 4th year. I mean, the majority of people say that if I make it through this current term it’s all clear sailing. Even so, right now…I want to lie in bed staring at the ceiling wanting it all to go away.
I’m not sure whether I would have chosen a different path if I had to go through the application process again. What I do know is that I wish I had been told just how brutal everything really is. In high school you aren’t told anything about the true university experience. You’re just shuffled off into the institutions that you *think* might be cool to try. Wow. That’s just not right. It’s downright cruel in some cases.
I’ve been here too long.
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