When my aunt visited this past weekend, while washing dishes we somehow got into a discussion over the lyrics of the song My Immortal by Evanescence. She had seen the video with Amy Lee lying on the roof of a car and spoke about how it looks like sh’es gone insane or something. I was happy to know that my aunt took the time to listen to the lyrics properly and figure out what the song was all about. So many people mistake the song for being one about an undying love of sorts. That may be true on a very shallow level, but ultimately it’s about a woman who’s having trouble letting go of someone.
My Immortal
by Evanescence
I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
‘Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone
These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus:]
When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus]
I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone
But though you’re still with me
I’ve been alone all along
OK. “I’m so tired of being here/Suppressed by all my childish fears” seems to speak of fears of rejection or being alone. These fears generally disappear with age and experience. She says that she’s tired of being supressed by these fears. This perhaps indicates that she’s in a state of paralysis; unable to act for fear of being abandoned or hated.
“And if you have to leave/I wish that you would just leave/’Cause your presence still lingers here/And it won’t leave me alone”. I would guess that the person in question isn’t physically around her. “Your presences still lingers here” is a good indicator that he’s been long gone. That would mean that it’s all in the singer’s mind. She wishes that his memory no longer festered in her mind. The thing is, he may show up in passing, or he may be on the other side of the road minding his own business, and just the mere sight of him brings back a flood of emotion in her.
Skipping to the next verse, “You used to captivate me/By your resonating light/Now I’m bound by the life you left behind” shows just how much effect the person in question had on her life. That “resonating light” she talks about comes from the idea that he was like a beacon that gave her comfort. If he wasn’t so grand, she wouldn’t have been so captivated by the light. Unfortunately for her, he became more and more like a crutch. Eventually, even though his feelings may have changed, the singer has become so accustomed to him being her support that she’s now stuck with him. He left behind his feelings for her, or his previous life, and she’s paralyzed as a result.
“Your face it haunts/My once pleasant dreams/Your voice it chased away/All the sanity in me” She can’t let go of her support. Her love’s face sticks in her mind and turns her dreams into nightmares. Perhaps it’s because as much as she wants to hate him, she’s still stuck and infatuated with the old image she had of him. She is unable to reconcile the two images and it’s making her crazy. She also remembers words of love that her love spoke to her. The words still echo in her mind, despite the fact that he has left her. The dichotomy between the bastard that abandoned her and the ideal love whose voice soothed her has taken over her mind and has made her crazy.
“These wounds won’t seem to heal/This pain is just too real/There’s just too much that time cannot erase”. The hurt that she perceives still seems to be raw. That would be the case if she had once idealized her love as “the one” only to have him leave. She’s saying that there are things that the passage of time won’t cause her to forget (no matter how hard she tries). My immediate reaction is that she wants to forget all the painful events causing her to ache. However, there is also evidence that she may be trying to forget all the time and effort she invested in him. She is trying to forget how much she cared for him in an attempt to let go of the source of the pain. This can be seen in the chorus of the song.
“When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears/When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears/And I held your hand through all of these years/But you still have all of me” Earlier in this analysis, I stated that she seems to have needed him for emotional support. From these lines, it can be seen that the support was mutual. She was there for him during his trying times. Maybe she fed off of the feeling of being needed. It made her feel wanted. However, it seems that the guy had grown stronger and no longer needed her for the same support he once did. He no longer needed her, adding to her feelings of being unneeded. The last line in the chorus is quite telling in the subtle wording. If she was still comfortable at her level of emotional investment, the line would have been “And you still have all of me.” The use of “But” tells me that she feels that even though she’d spent so much time and energy, she still feels like she has to be emotionally available to him even though she’s wanted to be free. In the end, it’s making her crazy that she feels like she has no control.
The last line sums it all up. “I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone/But though you’re still with me/I’ve been alone all along”. Even though he’s been long gone, he still has a place in her mind. She’s been obsessing with him to the point where it’s like he’s taken over. Despite all that, she knows that it’s up to her alone to solve the problem. She just can’t bring herself to come to terms with the fact that he no longer cares. Most likely, it’s because she still holds the idealized image of him in her mind. She still clings to the hope that one day he’ll prove that she was right, but deep down she knows otherwise.
So yeah, that’s my analysis of the song. As you can see, this isn’t so much a love song as it is a post-love, I wanna let go, but I can’t (DAMN YOU!) song.



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