It’s the last week of classes, and a multitude of assignments and projects have piled up in my to do list. I can tackle it all. I’ve laid out a plan and schedule. I’ll manage one way or another.
Just hope I have the stomach for it.
As busy as I have been, I’ve been attempting to get away from it all by zoning out, or perhaps reflecting on irrelevant things to the task at hand. For example, I may have an urgent need to focus on matters of distributed networking, but my mind wants to venture to other states. It’s not a good thing, but more often than not, I give in.
I was just thinking earlier today while staring blankly at the code on my laptop…
I’m thankful for my experiences: good ones, bad ones, things that make me proud, things that make me weep. I’m a screwed up child, but loved nonetheless. All these things have given me insight into what makes me tick. I haven’t discovered every nuance yet…but I feel much more empowered. I may be starting to get a clearer view of my ego boundaries. It’s all still a bit hazy, but…my eyes are opening up.
Is this what it means to be an adult?
So, I think in the next year or so, I need to work on a few things.
First: work on my crap filter.
At least, that’s what Dr. Greenaway calls it. She’s my Psychology 101 prof. Man, that class has given me lots of insight. I can tell that I need to learn to not pay attention to other people that may be spewing crap about me. As long as I know I’m doing a good job, does it matter what other people think? I think it’s really progress when I said earlier this month that I needed to let go of some tasks. I can’t please everyone all the time. I’ve just got to do my best with what I can manage.
Do y’all know how hard it was to let go of certain tasks that I wanted to do so badly? It’s been tough.
Second: stop feeling guilty about everything.
Don’t know yet how to tackle that behemoth. Could be all about me realizing that the world does not revolve around me. Could be that I have to realize that the world will function with or without me. Everyone has a need to feel important or part of the grand scheme of things. But…it’s not right to be so apologetic for not playing a large role all the time. I don’t know.
(If anyone’s got any bits of insight, let me know)
Third: relax!
I get wound up about everything. I need to learn to ease up and not be so hard on myself.
Ah, so, as much as I’m progressing, I’ve got a long way to go. Doesn’t matter though. I know that I’ll be exactly where I need to be at the appropriate time. Just need faith.
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4 comments
THE HIPPIE says:
Fri. July 29, 2005 at 1:16 am (UTC -5 )
OHHHH SO WHEN SOME FANCY TEXTBOOK AND PROFESSOR TELL YOU THESE THINGS, YOU BELIEVE, BUT WHEN THE OLD WITCH J TELLS YOU, ITS LIKE "NOOOO…I DON’T BELIEVE YOU….!!!"
:hehe:
Jason says:
Sat. July 30, 2005 at 9:55 am (UTC -5 )
Ya know, you can opine all you want. In the end, I still have to realize it for myself.
THE HIPPIE says:
Mon. August 1, 2005 at 6:03 pm (UTC -5 )
just remember that I’m always right!
Jason says:
Mon. August 1, 2005 at 6:48 pm (UTC -5 )
Except when you’re wrong