Monthly Archive: July 2005

Raising the anchor

I killed my left knee on Friday trying ot run from the car to the movie theatre in the rain. The whole weekend was spent with me limping around like I had an artificial limb. I didn’t let it get me down though. My mood this weekend was totally lifted upon the purchase of a laptop. It’s a Toshiba. I’m not really sure what model it is…but it looks quite sexy. I need to spend an hour or two trying to figure everything out. I could do it later on…but it’d eat away at my mind until I touched it again.

Having a laptop means that I won’t be tying the group down anymore to any of the stuffy computer labs at school, because I’m no longer anchored to a physically connected computer.

So, I’m not cleaning my room in order to make space. Ain’t that nuts? It’s a good excuse though to tidy everything up. It’s been a disaster zone for a while now.

Hunter

if travel is searching
and home what’s been found
i’m not stopping

i’m going hunting
i’m the hunter
i’ll bring back the goods
but i don’t know when

i thought i could organise freedom
how Scandinavian of me
you sussed it out, didn’t you?

you could smell it
so you left me on my own
to complete the mission
now i’m leaving it all behind

i’m going hunting
i’m the hunter

Losing hope

Scorpio (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22)

Inject some levity into a scenario that is dominating your life. No more bemoaning your less than perfect love life, hopeless finances and unfulfilled desires. Most of what seems impossible is due to prove surprisingly feasible after all.

—————–

You know, all this time, I was telling my friends (who have already found employment for the fall term) that I had received no rejections yet in this new round to job applications. Stupid me didn’t notice that even though I was applying to more jobs day after day, my list of active applications was remaining relatively stable. Upon closer examination, I’ve been rejected for interviews several times. Several hardware firms wouldn’t give me interviews, despite the fact that I’m highly qualified.

I just don’t get it. My hope is slowly being drained away. I’m starting to feel desperate.
I pray that something good is on the horizon.

There’s no love for you here

It’s starting to be very disheartening talking to a lot of my classmates and other people in younger classes in the Electrical and Computer Engineering Department. The common feeling is that the department is simply not doing enough to keep its undergrads happy. I’ve heard numerous stories of people under ridiculously high stress, with seemingly little to no support from the department. As a friend said to be recently, “they like to wait until you down before kicking you”.

It’s possible that this may be a simple case of an isolated disgruntled student. However, hearing the same complaint from various people of differing backgrounds, and educational strengths? That isn’t merely something that materialized out of the air. There’s a real problem here.

Consider this. A close friend and grad student had told me that the majority of grad students in the department come from foreign countries. The top three countries according to him? China, Iran, and Egypt. ECE seems unable to hold onto their students very well. The common complaint I hear is “I’ve had enough of this place.” I can relate. After 5 years of this department, I feel like I’m just another number. The department has taken my money, and I feel as if I haven’t received much in the way of returns. To quote another friend, “the worst thing is that there’s no payoff…it’s not like we’re in med school and there’s a promise of $$$ and (.)(.) when we’re done.”

More recently, I think I’m starting to notice some efforts to change this attitude. Over the past few terms, there has been one day set aside as a barbecue day of sorts. Still, these only happened later on in my undergrad career. By then…really, can the hearts of students who were long since lost be won back by a few poorly grilled burgers?

The answer is obvious.

I’ve spoken to friends in other Engineering disciplines. So frequently, they get all fired up and animated over why their department is so great. So many Civil Engineering students, for example, are able to specifically outline just why Civil is so great. There’s this sense in their voice that they truly love what they are doing. Same with many Mechanical Engineering students. A classmate and friend of mine once said, “it’s not that I’ve lost interest in computer or hardware, it’s this whole bullshit routine of never knowing if you’re ready for an exam and unbalanced work loads.”

There are many who are angry and feel trapped. Early on, upon entering the program, people are too busy scrambling and focusing just an attempt to just remain in the program. Midway, ECE students start to sense something is fishy, however, there really is no time to complain because the workloads get tougher. Late in the career, once people are actually able to formulate a series of arguments against the department, people are simply too exhausted to fight. After investing so many years, the aim is just to finish the last few terms and get the hell out of this God-forsaken place. We’ve been broken down.
I feel powerless. What can I do? Nothing, except focus and get out of here on schedule. How sad is that? This is not how university should be.

Fire in my eyes

It’s now July 2nd…but Happy Canada Day to all my Canadian friends reading this.

I was feeling very much in a rut for a good part of today. I woke up with a mini-hangover, so I ended up just going back to sleep to burn it off. After waking up from that, I was feeling really bored. UW always runs Canada Day events every year, so I was considering going to see what was up–especially since the events were taking place pretty much across the street. I didn’t go though. I would have if there was someone to go there with.

By early evening, I was feeling really alone. I mean, being by myself in the apartment, combined with the disappointment yesterday was making me feel like crap. I wasn’t even feeling like venturing out to see the fireworks that were to take place later than night. Luckily, Cindy, who was going to the fireworks noticed my malaise and urged me to go with her and her friend Dave. She wouldn’t take no for an answer…so I went.

We sat in the field among the crowd waiting for the show to start. Once it started, my mood lightened up significantly. It had been so very long since I had last seen a fireworks show in person. As the bright lights appeared with loud booms causing the ground to rumble, I couldn’t help but smile. My mouth was left hanging open as the lights paralyzed the rest of my body. I felt absolutely awesome. There were times that I just couldn’t help but cheer at the awesome sight.

Afterwards, Cindy, Dave and I went to Williams for a quick bite. On the way back, I kept looking up at the sky. The stars were out in full force. Not a cloud was in the sky. I don’t know all too many constellations, but one big surprise hit me much like a brick wall. As I looked over the school residences, a familiar pattern suddenly registered in my mind. I stopped in my tracks and nearly exclaimed out loud, “Oh my God! That’s Scorpius!” I had to stare at it for a while, but yes! That was it! I know the pattern because I had it as the front page image of garneteye.com for a very long time. I didn’t realize that I could see Scorpius from this latitude, but there it was, low on the horizon. Being that I so identify with the SCorpio personality, seeing the constellation meant a lot to me.

So, thus ended a day that started all crappy but ended with all warm fuzzy feelings. I can now sleep well. Thank you Cindy.

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