Monthly Archive: October 2005

I got my hour back

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Sun. October 30, 2005

Just spent 25 mins on the treadmill, and I’m quite sweaty. The breeze from the fan is making my shirt cold as I type this entry out. I need to go shower afterwards.

Well, Daylight Saving Time is over for another year. I no longer have any right to complain about my lost hour as I said I would do when the time shifted forward in April. I was reminding my parents to turn their clocks forward last night. It’s too bad I had forgotten to do the same with my clocks. My alarm went off at 5 am this morning. In my usual form, I woke up 1.5 hrs later, cursing and wretching at the fact I had forgotten to do my duty.

We planned to use the barbecue for perhaps the last time this year this evening. I marinated the steaks at about 3. I was planning on doing the steaks at about 530 because I was thinking that the sun would be quite so bright then. I was shocked at how dark it was when the time rolled around. Seriously. You’d think I’d be used to such changes by now. This isn’t the first time I’ve recovered from Daylight Saving Time. Still.

To me, it’s a sure sign that Summer is totally over. I see all the fallen leaves littering the street. I’m already imagining them soon lined with tall snow banks of slush and dirt. The times are changing quickly.

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Girls in Engineering

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Sat. October 29, 2005

Jason says:
it’s good to know you’re confident of your abilities
Cindy says:
it’s engineering, slightly better than a monastery.

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Neverland

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Sat. October 29, 2005

How in the world do you handle it when in one of your parent’s minds you’re still a child? I’m struggling to deal with it myself. I have no doubt that in my father’s mind I’m still basically a child in need of protection or someone to hold me by the hand. It’s a struggle because his actions cause me to lose my patience. I know he knows I’m old enough to do things on my own, but I think he still has a fear of me making mistakes of some sort. I don’t want to say he’s smothering me, because he’s not. I know that it just means that he cares, but…

I need to be able to make my own mistakes.
I need to be able to learn by my own experiences.

That way, when the time passes that one day he’s moved on to another place and time, I won’t be left helpless and wondering how to function properly.

I worry. Not for myself, but really, I hope that I’m doing him proud.

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No Ashl** here

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Wed. October 26, 2005

I’m getting a large number of hits from people looking for Ashl** S*mps*n pictures. I posted a pic of her on an old entry here, and it unfortunately got indexed in Yahoo Images. Oh dandy. So, I’ve since taken down the entry and removed the file from the server. I don’t think Yahoo has caught on yet though, because people are still being sent here only to receive a 404 message.

So damn wrong.

Anyway, in another loosely related topic, I’m considering replacing my cell phone. Everytime I pull it out in the TELUS stores in the mall, the clerks always have to go “WHOA”, only to comment afterwards about how it’s “ancient” or how it’s a “classic”. My current phone still works perfectly fine. It’s just…getting to that age where it’s time for a change, right? When I do get a new phone, I’ll make sure it has a camera. With that camera, I do hope to take more pictures for the purposes of adding more graphical elements to this blog.

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Diagnosis

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Tue. October 25, 2005

Well, according to WebMD, the following are flu symptoms. Let’s see how I stack up against ‘em.

Fever: Characteristic, high (102-104°F); lasts 3-4 days
– Well…nothing yet. I do feel warmer than usual. I’m sweating more than usual…and to anyone that knows me, that’s a whole damn lot.

Headache: Prominent
– Last night it felt like my head was being bound in some sort of device and it was being squeezed tighter and tighter. I still feel a bit light headed.

General Aches, Pains: Usual; often severe
– My body is achy all over. My chest feels heavy.

Fatigue, Weakness: Can last up to 2-3 weeks
– I feel shitty. Tired. I slept all of last evening.

Extreme Exhaustion: Early and prominent
– Eh? “Extreme” is such an exaggeration, no?

Stuffy Nose: Sometimes
– Nope.

Sneezing: Sometimes
– Nope.

Sore Throat: Sometimes
– Nope.

Chest Discomfort, Cough: hacking cough Common; can become severe
– Discomfort is there. Cough is starting.

Conclusion? Inconclusive.

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Shift my attention

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Tue. October 25, 2005

Funny, I was talking about this yesterday.

Scorpio (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22)

The trouble with always having an eye on the main chance is that sometimes you can miss out on excellent minor chances. Today the sky is inviting you to shift your attention.

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Self-defeating

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Mon. October 24, 2005

Just perhaps, I’m acting in some self-defeating manner that is killing any sense of hope that my desired future is at least in the realm of possibility. I close myself off to opportunity in favour of the idealistic, only to have myself regretting that I let that chance get away, and cursing upon letting myself get caught in mere daydreams. I have no direction. All I have is my sense of self, and even then, that mental model is quickly fading.

I started a revolution a few years ago, where I had cast off any expectations upon myself. When I go back and read about the breakthroughs back then, I was truly happy. I felt like I was finally understanding who I was meant to be. I miss those times. Now, it almost seems like the revolt had failed. Has it?

I am not alone. I am not an island. People are passing in and out of my life continually. I feel like I’m viewing it all through a mask. Thing is, I don’t think anyone can see beyond it to my core. In wearing the mask for so long, I think I’ve started believing that to be the real me. I’m fearing that the true me is maybe really ugly. Saying that I know better is just an act exercising my vocab. I want to believe. I…just can’t. Not right now. Right now I feel broken. I need and want to be whole. I want to be whole. I want to be me–whoever that is.

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The divinity of Catherine the Great

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Sat. October 22, 2005

I spent the day downtown today with Raluca. It was raining hard the whole time, and unfortunately I left my umbrella in the car. Didn’t matter though. We spent much of our time indoors.

The main feature today was going to the Art Gallery of Ontario. There’s a Catherine the Great exhibition taking place there now where they are displaying “paintings, sculpture, furniture, gems, and decorative arts, including the dazzling 18th century Coronation Coach.” The admission was $15 for a student, which was quite reasonable. Honestly, the exhibit was really quite amazing. To think that all of the things that we saw there today was once in the prescence of a powerful ruler like her, it really boggles the mind. Alongside many of the paintings was a small description giving either a brief summary of the depicted scene, or a short history of the person shown. The experience proved to be a nice history lesson.

In the end, one of the strongest messages that I will take away from this exhibit is the idea that history will always be written by the victors. Catherine the Great spent a large amount of her time trying to associate herself with Peter the Great, her predecessor. Moreso however, she attempted to associated herself heavily with the Roman goddess of art, wisdom, and war, Minerva. Minerva is the Roman equivalent of the Greek, Athena. Very often, when paintings and sculptures of Catherine were created, she was shown with adornments associated with the Goddess. To me, it looks as if she was trying to make herself look almost divine and infallible. Imagine, as an average Russian, seeing a supposedly divine woman travelling down the road in her gleaming gilded carriage. Man, her propaganda campaign must have worked wonders.

(By the way, the carriage is part of the display. It really is a magnificent sight.)

I guess you could think that when it comes to holding power, a lot of the concepts of centuries gone by still hold. Propaganda and the spread of information is still the greatest way to mold and form public opinion. Whether or not it’s for the best really will be the opinion of those who will eventually come out on top.

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