Scorpio (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22)
There are plenty of questions that need answers about where your life is going and why it’s taking so long to get to where you want to go. Answers may feel slow in coming, but your hopes are already in the process of being honoured.
Over the lunch hour, I was sharing some of my experiences from previous terms with the younger co-ops.
Damn, when I look at the previous sentence, it makes me feel ancient. Truth is though, they’re probably only 3-4 years younger.
Anyway, I was giving advice as to what courses to take and which ones to avoid like the plague. The least I could do is to share some of my knowledge so that some other poor souls won’t have to go through the stress that I did. I’m going grey. Seriously. UW aged me.
Somewhere in the conversation, another fellow student who’s in electrical engineering asked me a question regarding resistance and impedance. She was trying to study for a midterm that she had and was seeking some help. I stared at the diagram that she drew on the napkin with wide eyes and a blank stare. I, for the life of me, could not figure out the answer to her question. It took one of the younger co-ops to point out the key to answering the question. All I could do was nod in agreement, feigning some knowledge of what was going on. “Yeah, that’s right. The equation for impedance with regards to inductors involves a negative sign.” I don’t think they bought the idea that I knew what was going on.
They were kind of in disbelief that I had no clue. The knowledge is part of my field, right? Upon sensing that, I felt the need to defend myself. “Well CHEE, it’s been years since I’ve had to do questions like that.” It’s true. I haven’t had to do a circuit question since about April 2004.
OK, so maybe it hasn’t been “years”. Still, none of the courses I’ve taken since then have had any circuit type questions. It’s definitely not like riding a bike. If you don’t use the knowledge, it will disappear. I know it’s happened for me. Ask me to solve any question beyond a *simple* series or parallel circuit, and I’d probably need to consult a text book before proceeding. Start including “complex” components (throw in a few j’s into the equations) and I’d be screwed.
Circuitry isn’t the end of it though. Ask me to do anything related to calculus and I wouldn’t be able to do it. Earlier, someone asked me how to differentiate something in the attempt to show that I couldn’t have possibly lost all the knowledge. I took a moment, spit out answer, and added a “plus C” at the end of my statement. I was kind of proud. I remember that some basic operation in calculus required adding a constant. Upon saying it though, the guy who asked uttered a long and drawn out “Oooooh my GOOOOOOOOD”. Apparently the adding of a constant is done with integration and not differentiation. My excuse? I haven’t had a heavily calculus-based course since Fall of 2002. I didn’t feel sheepish at all.
So yeah, I used to be proud of the fact that I’m good at retaining knowledge. Now, I’m not so sure. At this point, it almost seems like the school hasn’t taught me a single thing. I suppose it’s alright though. I’m confident I’ll still make a good and productive member of society regardless. So funny.
Hey hey.
What’s green and smells like pork?
–Kermit the frog’s finger.
Kermit is 50 years old this year. Happy brithday.
I have a bit too much pride. I don’t take criticism well. I almost always take it to heart. I have a sense of humour. I can joke as much as the next guy. However, when they slowly turn into insults, jokingly or not, well, I won’t be a happy person.
It’s an unfortunate truth.
I have a tendency to focus on the worst aspect of any bad thing that I hear. I’m taking back the previous entry so as not to seem very doomsday about my situation.
I have the flu. Of course I’m going to feel like crap.
Yesterday, I stayed in bed for a good part of the day. I felt all lazy, but it was with good reason. I was feeling rotten all over. I’m still not feeling well today. I decided to skip out on church because my head felt light headed. So here I am, feeling like shit.
Earlier, before my parents left, they thought it might be wise to check out my BP. Well, the home checking kit indicated that I was high, which may explain the headaches.
Dude. I have high blood pressure.
It’s bloody scary, you know? High BP is not a death sentence. Of course not. Hearing it though, has made me more conscious of the fact that death is…well, all entirely possible at any stage of life. You can’t plan around any specific date of death unless you’ve got some terminal illness. It’s scary. I’ve been thinking more about death and dying lately. That’s just not right.
What’s also on my mind is “how?” and “why?” I don’t think I’m eating any worse than other people my age. I don’t frequent any of the usual fast food grease pits. Whatever. The damage is done, I guess. It’s not about them, it’s about me, right? Besides I don’t exactly know the health status of those “other people”.
I kind of just want to lie in bed until things settle down a little bit. I can’t take a day off work unless I want to lose a day’s wages (I don’t). All I can do is bear it.
As I was walking to the lunch area, I noticed that the office had already started to turn on the heaters inside the building. It’s too early for the heaters to be on, man! I found the area ridiculously warm and started sweating. I’m still sweating right now, but I think it may be for other reasons. I’m feeling light headed, dizzy, and generally ungood. Outside, it’s windy and raining. Frankly, I just want to head home to sleep it off, but as a co-op I have no sick days here. All I can do is to pray for the end of the day to come sooner.
I had a dream earlier this morning. It was really odd because I felt the weight of the emotion associated with it.
I dreamt that I decided to email and contact some of the people I had lost contact with in the past. This included some people whom I had been angry with in the past. They contacted me in return, and suddenly any ill-will that may (or may not) have been there lifted off of me and I felt free.
The dream was much less detailed than the usual ones where I could even describe the textures of the visible scenery. This was simple, and to the point. Like I said, I felt what it was like to have discomfort dissipate to nothing. So strange. Obviously, the dream has a very blunt message for me. Even so…it’s just a dream, so I feel comfortable enough ignoring it. Whether or not it’s healthy…well, I’ll live with whatever the consequences are.
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