I forgot that apple danish in the car. Luckily, I remembered at 9 pm and got it before leaving it in there overnight.

I spent much of this weekend with Yuki and Raien. Now that I’ve done some good socialization time, I feel much more centred and relaxed. It’s very much a great thing. This weekend gave me some insight into a few aspects of social interaction that I found interesting.

On Saturday, we went to Destiny for bubble tea which was great. I originally thought it was going to be the three of us, but the group grew to include Yuki and Raien’s high school friends. It seems they’re a nice bunch. Thing is, it’s hard to be an outsider in such a tight knit group. There are a lot of back stories that remain hidden to the outsider. It wouldn’t be right for me to try to extract all the stories out to explain why they act the way they do with each other. First of all, it would be nosy. Second, some wouldn’t appreciate it. Third, I’m not sure I really want to know.

As a perceived outsider, I didn’t feel totally at ease. Where we were sitting, I was kind of pinned into the corner of a booth crammed with 9 people. We played cards for a while and it was alright. I had to leave to get something from the car. When I came back, the seating arrangements were changed. I tried to get back into the game, but I suddenly felt a bit shut out. Don’t think there was any acknowledgement, or an attempt to make room for me. Perceived slight? Maybe. Intentional? Who knows? Whatever. I guess I was tired of playing cards anyway. Luckily Yuki and Raien were in an adjacent booth trying to get some space. I had more fun chatting with them, and their friend Karen, about life and other things. When you have no ties to a group of people you don’t know all that well, it’s tough to try to integrate yourself.

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A lot of this weekend was dominated by talk of growing up and seeing people get married off. Yuki is in a happy new relationship. Raien and I were commented on how she has this happy glow. Her radiant face was like a beacon to the world proclaiming, “I’m in love”. We were happy for her. There’s already talk of possible marriage. Can you believe it? I feel like I’m being left behind in the dust. Dating is really a small blip on my radar, and some of my friends are thinking about marriage? Oh, man. I realize that I’m at that age where my contemporaries are starting to pair off and preparing for that next stage of their lives. I’m nowhere near ready for that stage. It frustrates me. I don’t know. I know some of my friends are glad that they’re now single. I suppose I’m glad I’m single, too. I have enough stress as it is. Still, I fear that the longer I remain single, the more content I’ll be maintaining the status quo. Is that such a good thing? I’m not sure.

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When we were arrived at the parking lot of the restaurant, I was driving around looking for a spot when this teenage girl walks out in front of my car, causing me to brake a bit abruptly. She mouthed out “what the fuck” to herself and looked irritated. Upon saying that, I yelled out “fuck you” to her and kept driving. I mean, are you stupid or something? Don’t walk out in front of a fucking moving car. So stupid! From that point forward, I drove a lot more aggressively around the lot. I almost ran into a few cars. I was yelling at slow walking pedestrians who insisted on walking in front of my car. I almost took my aggression out on a group of pigeons by running them over. All that because of a stupid teenage girl. Now, I wonder, if she hadn’t mouthed out “what the fuck” but instead looked a bit freaked out by almost getting hit, would I have reacted differently? Maybe me level of anger wouldn’t have risen so much. Anger is a powerful and infective thing. Dropping the F-bomb can raise the levels of frustration. I’ve never really given much thought about the power of that curse word. Maybe I should try harder to bite my tongue when the urge to cuss someone out occurs. I may end up pushing someone over the tipping point, who knows?