Monthly Archive: December 2005

Buh-bye, 2005

Categories:

Sat. December 31, 2005

I can look back to the beginning on the year, and see that even though I was perhaps a bit hopeful of the state of the new year, things were off to an ominously rocky start. Never mind the fact that the talking heads on the news were freshly hammering out details of the tsunami–or at least the details of supermodel surviving the damn thing (seriously, what of the other thousands that didn’t?). January 1, 2005, I was in Jersey City. I woke up to the news that my Grandma was being sent to the hospital. I went upstairs to find her on a stretcher and emergency vehicles blocking the one lane road that we were on. I think we were all originally planning to spend another day together sharing stories and what not. After that, people spent most of their time in the hospital, so…so much for that. I was right in my blog entry: that was the last time I would see her.

So, that set the tone for the year. Indeed, worldwide, 2005 was quite the annus horribilis, as Queen Elizabeth II would say. So many natural disasters have rocked the Earth, and many people are beginning to question whether there are forces at work that are just beyond the comprehension of our feeble minds. I saw in the news that Tropical Storm Zeta has been named. That makes 27 tropical storms in the Atlantic this year.

So, that’s the outside world. In my sphere of existence, I can say that although the year has been uninteresting overall, there have been lots of blessings thrown my way. Even though my first work term from January to April was absolute crap, this last one that has just finished has been very decent. I would be very close to declaring this work term the best one out of eight, due to the fact that I felt like I was a team member first, and a co-op student second. That meant a great deal to me.

I’ve also been blessed to have had the opportunity to reforge lost connections, to form new connections, and to build stronger bonds with some of the friends I had. How the heck did that happen? Last year I was feeling messed up because my social life was being shaken up; foundations were being rocked. Now? I think I’m going to be all right. No no no…I know I’m going to be all right. Maybe it’s realizations like this that are like a package deal with the whole growing up process. I’m 24, and I’m probably not yet “grown up”. I’m getting damn well close though.

So, OK, what of this new year now knocking on the door? Well, big things are coming. I mean, just look, I’m finally graduating. I’ll probably enter the full-time workforce. I might just meet the love of my life (if I haven’t already met her). I’m cautiously optimistic. I guess that’s a safe way to predict things, right?

I guess, all that’s left is to say, “Happy new year!”

I’ll see y’all in 2006.

This post has no tag

Leave comment

Easily distracted

Categories:

Thu. December 29, 2005

So, it’s Thursday night, and I’m feeling a bit more relaxed in comparison to yesterday. I think it’s just because it’s late and I’m starting to settle. One more day of work left. I’m damn excited to get it over with. As you might know, I have to submit timesheets in order to get paid. I’ve already submitted the one for this week’s hours. For tomorrow, I marked down that I’d be there between 9 to 5. Upon seeing this, my boss stated flat out that he wanted me there for those hours and had no intention of letting me out early. Well, I suppose I wouldn’t expect any less from him. He’s consistent.

To pass the time today, I sat down and wrote out an outline for my work term report. There’s heavy pressure on me to really make this one good because I need to clear this report to graduate. If you remember, I failed my last report. If I don’t pass it this time around, I’m not going to graduate on time. Although…I’m technically not graduating on time anyway, HAR HAR HAR. I’m mildly bitter, but it doesn’t matter, really. I’ve met so many great people in the class of 2006, that I feel more at home here than with the class of 2005. Back to the topic of the report; I’m finding it very hard to focus on writing. I’m easily distracted by so many other more interesting things, like, staring off into space and complaining about how I hate this shit.

I’m being facetious.

I think the panic will kick in once I’m back in Waterloo and the deadlines come over the horizon and start hurtling towards me, threatening to decapitate me if I don’t duck and type furiously at the keyboard. I’m also concerned that time is running out with regards to the fourth year design project. Oh man…in 3 weeks, this FYDP business will be over forever! Isn’t that just freaking fantastic? I’m not a drinker. Far from it. However, I have full intentions to get sloshed once this milestone has been reached. Can you blame me? No, of course you can’t.

Anyway, I think I’m going to sleep now; perhaps not before pushing around the katamari for a little bit. May tomorrow come and go with as little pain as possible.

This post has no tag

1 comment

Holiday rest

Categories:

Wed. December 28, 2005

Happy Holidays to y’all.

I’ve been away from the blogging tool for a while now, though I don’t feel guilty for a second. I mean, I’ve been attempting to enjoy my time off, you know. It’s tough for me to do so. Whenever I’ve got vacation time or something, I’m always fidgeting while wondering, “All right, what am I going to do? What am I going to do? WhatamIgoingtodo? WhatamIgoingtodo?” Luckily for me, I guess, I had to go back to work today. Honestly, I have two more days that I have to physically be there, but mentally, honestly, I can afford to let my mind turn to mush, even if for a little while.

The Christmas holiday went by quite nicely. My aunt came over from Brampton, and we all enjoyed the family time. With four people, it also meant that we had the chance to eat turkey in good conscience. Usually, if it’s just the three of us, there’s no way we could justify cooking a whole damn turkey. That bird is huge, you know? If we did that, we’d probably be eating meals containing leftover turkey until March, and that won’t be good for anyone’s sanity. Or intestinal tracts.

Besides family time, I’ve been sleeping a great deal. Afternoons often included 3 hour naps. Why not? It’s not often I have the opportunity to use my time as such without feeling excessively guilty. I’ve also been playing a disproportionally large amount of We Love Katamari. I think the game has invaded my mind to the point where I can imagine it all happening in real life. I’d be driving down Sheppard, staring at the buildings, wondering, “Hmm…I suppose an 8 meter katamari could roll up that building, couldn’t it?” Then I’d imagine that ball rolling up the landscape. It’s kind of insane.

Anyway, I’ve got two more days of work left. Then I’ve got to pack things up and haul everything back to Waterloo for another four months of fun Fun FUN!!! It’s kind of mind-numbing realize that I have to move again in less than a week. Why can’t a left to think about other things, like the upcoming year of 2006? Sigh! Oh well. Four more months before I graduate (barring any shitty deals that the school might give me). Bah!

Now that I look at this entry, I think I’m a bit more wired than usual. My mind is running pretty damn fast. I think that I’ll be back to normal though after a bit of sleep.

This post has no tag

Leave comment

Age of innocence

Categories:

Fri. December 23, 2005

So, in some past times where I’ve googled myself, I only came up a few times. My last name isn’t all that common. It’s actually a bit of a bastardized version of the proper “Neri” last name. Anyway. I’ve just found out that some new links are out there with my name on it.

Last night, while waiting for the trains at Osgoode, Ron pointed out that there was something I wrote from long ago on the web. Apparently, it’s from Kidlink. Now, I sure as hell don’t remember posting anything of the sort to such a place. Sure enough, when I checked it out, it wasn’t me who posted the content. It was one of those tech savvy teachers that posted it on a newsgroup…or whatever they had back then in 1994. Now, all things considered, looking back, I whether there was much concern over safety. I mean, that teacher posted my exact home address on there. In today’s world, you can’t really do that for fear of becoming the prey of some stalker or child molester. In all fairness, I think I was 13 back then anyway.

Anyway, go check it out here.

When I look at it, I kind of get sad about how naïve that boy was. Maybe it’s just because I’m slightly jaded now, but I have a desire to go back in time and slap some sense into that kid.

“One of my major concerns is about my future. There are a lot of things that people say that worry me (for example, the world will end in the year 2000). You never know, it could happen!”

Alas, nothing did happen. Funny thing, I’m still concerned about my future, perhaps moreso now than back then. The only difference is that now I worry about issues that I have more control over. If the world ends tomorrow, all I can say is, “Oh well, I’ve had a good run.”

I had a lot of lofty goals back then. I wonder though how much of it was really me, and how much of it was just an attempt to get the approval of those around me. A cure for cancer? Sigh. Funny though how I mention computer programming. I look at this post…and I’m sad. I really don’t remember what my state of mind was back at that age to make me feel like I could conquer the world. What happened?

I showed this post to my friend, Lee, and he commented the following:
“Wow, this post is kinda sad…so much innocence and desire to help, that has since been squashed like a bug under the mighty boot of conformist society.”
Does society break you? I’m not sure. Thing is, this is perhaps a great example of being molded into a square peg to be put into a square hole. There’s so much to mull over. I guess though, that there’s really no need to fret over this lost innocence. In the end, I believe that the sense of responsibility doesn’t go away, it just gets reformed into a more mature outlook on what can be done in my own sphere of existence. I understand now that I can’t singlehandedly find a cure for cancer, but I can find compassion and find understanding for those around me who have to go through all that. So, really, have I changed all that much?

This post has no tag

Leave comment

Reminiscing over the fire pit

Categories:

Thu. December 22, 2005

I just got back from downtown. I ate at the Korean Grill House, which is a damn good place to eat. Although, I think I say that about all Korean BBQ places. Of course, I didn’t go down just for the food. I mean, if I wanted Korean, I’d probably find a place close to home; there are tons of Korean BBQ places in Scarborough. I went down to meet with people I hadn’t seen in 10 years. That’s insane. I haven’t seen these people since the end of grade 8. Ron, Julius, Brian, and Joe. It was great to meet them all again and discuss how life has been while tending to the fire pit. Some things became clear while talking to them.

– Even after all this time, some people haven’t changed all that much personality-wise. :)
– It’s obvious, but even though you don’t see a person, his or her life still progress at the same rate.
– Some people still look the same…except more mature. I suppose I fall under that category.
– Reminiscing is damn fun. Of course, when you don’t see people more frequently, memories fade quickly. That explains why my memory has been the haziest out of all five of us, I guess. I’m the only one in the group who’s really been out of the loop.

So, it was refreshing to see them all. I look forward to meeting with them again.

At the restaurant, the waiters were very vigilant with filling my glass. It’s a sign that the people really care. Of course, the drawback to that is obvious. As soon as we all got on the train, I whispered over to Brian, “Fuck! I should’ve pissed at the restaurant!” Indeed, I was stressed. It took me 20 minutes to get to Sheppard-Yonge. I thought that I could manage to hold it. When I transferred trains, I sat down, looked up and saw that there was a washroom in the station. Upon seeing that, I got right off the train and started my search. The search didn’t go so well. I walked over to one end of the station, sweating and cursing, only to find the exit to the street. No washrooms there. So, I hurried back down to train level and walked quickly to the other end. After going up, I wandered around for a good 5 minutes looking for signs. I eventually gave up and went into the Cinnabon asking for directions. The guy just pointed me down the hall, much to my relief. Ha! Now, there were no bright signs pointing to the washrooms anywhere in the station. What if I was in a more dire situation? The lack of signage is horrible! I could’ve pissed myself!

On that note, I’m ending this entry. I want to get this in before midnight rolls around.

This post has no tag

Leave comment

If you love Canada

Categories:

Tue. December 20, 2005

You know, normally in my entries I try to remain unpolitical. It’s tough to do so right now considering that Canada is quite politically charged right now. We’re halfway through this marathon election campaign, and nothing has really changed in public opinion. Nothing has shifted one way or the other, from what I can tell. Anyway, I’m a firm believer that who you vote for is none of my business. You can vote Liberal, Conservative, NDP, Marxist-Leninist…it doesn’t matter to me. People’s choices are based on so many factors, that I’m simply in no position to judge.

Why am I posting this? Well, on my MSN list, there’s someone who tacked this gem onto their name: “If you love Canada vote Conservative – Harper for PM”. I take issue upon seeing that. Now, understand this. I don’t take issue that this guy is pro-conservative. Not at all. Harper may win. In fact, I have no problem with the politicos on TV trying to convince you to vote for them. What I take issue with is the “If you love Canada” part. Who is he to tell me how to love my country? If, for instance, I vote for another party, does that somehow mean I hate this country? How dare he! If I hated this country, I would be apathetic and not bother to vote. I vote because I love this place. I vote because I’m Canadian; I’m Canadian because I vote.

This post has no tag

2 comments

Fighting spirit

Categories:

Mon. December 19, 2005

This past Sunday, I met with Laurence whom I haven’t seen in about a year’s time. Last time we saw each other, there was snow outside. We met at a Japanese restaurant and had all-you-can-eat sushi. Since then, a lot has happened to him. He’s gone back to Israel for a month. He also got into med school at the U of T. I’m quite happy for the guy. Anyway, about a week ago, me messaged me out of the blue with a simple “Dude!” Of course, I responded with the most appropriate answer: “Dude!” And the conversation continued on in that manner for a few moments before we smartened up. Anyway, we decided to meet and catch up at another restaurant: all-you-can-eat sushi, of course.

So, all right, after picking him up at the subway station, we drove around and eventually settled on a restaurant that I used to frequent when I worked at Genesis. Conversation went well; however, most of it was about Laurie and his med school experiences. I didn’t mind that part at all. Thing is, it got me thinking. Over this past year, what accomplishments am I able to talk about? To be honest, there really is nothing much. Now that we’re into mid-to-late December, I’m more than ready to put this mediocre year behind me.

Of course, next year isn’t going to be a walk in the park either. I’m graduating (hopefully) in four months. During the time between now and then, I have to apply for jobs and attempt to find a place to start my career. I know I blogged something about me being uncertain what my future is going to be like, and being utterly comfortable about not knowing. I can’t, for the life of me, find that entry now. Anyway, today, the fear finally hit. The big catalyst for that feeling to happen occured at work. About a week ago, my boss suggested that he would have hired me outright I wasn’t returning to school. Unfortunately, he wasn’t sure about his hiring situation, and whether his superior would allow new hires into the group. The idea of me working during the school term, remotely, was thrown around. This would have allowed me to earn some extra cash, and would have put me under his list of employees. This would have reduced any possible problems in the future. Well, I dropped by my boss’s desk earlier today and asked about the status of the proposal. He flat out said that he could not do it.

Upon hearing the news, I was a bit distraught. I had just lost the little extra bit of security that I had. Then, my mind went to how much money I currently have, and whether I could afford tuition, rent, and books. One thing lead to another, and I eventually fell into a state of early panic. Questions raced through my head. Where am I going to get work? Who will hire me? How can I afford to live comfortably? I had butterflies in my stomach. I just wanted to leave work, lie down, and get my thoughts together while staring at the ceiling of my room.

It’s been a long time in the making, but now I’m scared of my future. I don’t feel all that confident about going through interviews. Where did all my confidence go? I wonder. I was so sure of myself at various times in the past. Now? I’m not so sure. I don’t know what to do with myself.

Now, I’ve been talking with some friends about it, and I fully understand that many people are in my exact same situation at the moment. It doesn’t make it any easier on myself though. This is my problem–it’s not communal. I guess, all I need is something that will relax the mind, or boost my confidence in my abilities to get the old Jason back. I don’t want to live like this: scared of my future, and bored with my past. What should I do? I think, in time once some opportunities open, I’ll get my fighting spirit back.

This post has no tag

1 comment

We love Katamari

Categories:

Sat. December 17, 2005

On Friday, I headed to the mall on my lunch hour and got my Christmas shopping done. Oh, my wallet took a beating that day. It wasn’t a purely altruistic trip though: I made sure though to get something for myself. I stopped by EB and picked up a copy of We Love Katamari for PS2. I hadn’t played Katamari Damacy game before, so I was new to the whole concept. I mean, how fun could it be to push around a ball that collects everything that touches it? Well, it’s the day after, and the pads of my thumbs are red and sore. That game is horribly silly and addictive. It’s satisfying to start out with the ball being only able to pick up something like a Mahjongg tile to being gigantic enough to grab buildings. Crazy stuff.

I love Katamari.

This post has no tag

Leave comment

Older posts «

Switch to our mobile site