I just don’t feel right tonight. I found out that I’ve been the victim of something really rotten. It’s not the fact that I had two midterms today. Although, that in itself is kind of bad. I was so unprepared; I feel horrid after writing them. My mood is not being buoyed by the fact that my right middle finger is experiencing some kind of tingling or numbness–for all I know, I could be on the verge of having a stroke. Geez, can you tell I’m in a positive state of mind?

No, it all came about when I was at Curry in a Hurry with a friend. I went to pay for the meal with my credit card, but the waiter returned the card saying that the transaction didn’t go through. Now, that’s odd. Usually I know where my balance stands, and I make sure that I keep spending under control. When I got back, I checked my account online to find that my available credit was in negative numbers. Also, there was an $80 charge to my account at a gas station in Toronto…which was odd because:
1. I don’t spend that much on a gas station
2. I don’t generally buy gas at that type of gas station.
3. I was in Waterloo at the time.
After a few calls, it was confirmed that my card number was indeed stolen, and that someone was trying to ring up purchases like mad.

Now, the credit card company was quick to realize something was up, so they froze my account. However, that wasn’t before some things made it through. Also, quite luckily I must say, I have a ridiculously low credit limit. So, the damage was minimal. Unfortunately, this leaves me in a bit of a bad mental state.

To put it simply, I’m feeling very violated. I mean, you don’t really pay attention to the concept of credit card fraud. It’s just something that you may happen to hear on the news, or perhaps to other people. However, when it happens to you, it generates a strong gut reaction. It’s not so much of a “why me?” thing. It’s more of the fact that someone somewhere along the way violated a trust scenario. You trust that the vendors you go to don’t have other agendas in mind. You trust that your numbers are safe. It’s wrong to have to worry about whether or not the shifty looking guy behind the counter is up to no good. It’s wrong, but it’s suddenly become necessary. The fact that it’s become necessary makes me angry.

There’s a huge mix of emotions jumbled up in my head. Beyond violation and anger, there’s also a great deal of frustration. I know I’m going to spend the next few days wondering just how the hell something went wrong. Did I make any mistakes? Did I make a classic error of some sort?

How is it my fault?

I mean, somewhere along the line, I must have erred and did something stupid, right? This type of self-questioning is going to make me crazy.

The thing that worries me most now is the idea of paranoia setting in. I’m going to question and scrutinize every action that involves my finances now. Yes, that’s a very good thing. However, it’s the type of thing that may suddenly become all-consuming. About a week ago, the Enneagram test said I was a “SIX”. Well, those mistrusting aspects of SIX-dom are going to be amplified ten-fold now.

To be honest, right now, I just don’t know what to do. I know I’m going to get a new card. I know that I won’t have to pay for those fraudulent charges. Still, the hassle of it all just irks me to no end. I guess, all I can say is that this is the tpe of thing that shouldn’t happen to anyone. Be mindful that there may always be someone out there watching over your shoulder. Trust may be violated at any moment.

The fact that I have to assert that now just makes me sad.