Usually, when I’m on the subway I have my earphones planted well into my ears in an attempt to block out most of the outside world. I also close my eyes so that I won’t have to play eye-tag with anyone around me. It’s what I do. I usually manage to maintain a bit of a sense of calm as a result. Today, someone was testing my patience.

At one of the stops, this hygienically challenged guy came in and sat in the seat perpendicular to mine. His knees nudged me in a rather rough manner, kind of rousing me from my relatively serene state. I opened my eyes a bit, but shut them back thinking nothing of what happened. Oh, but I could get back to my peaceful place because this same guy was reading a newspaper and frequently rested the paper on my leg. He would sometimes shake his newspaper hitting me in the elbow a few times. His knee would bob up and down hitting mine, again, causing me to be startled and open my eyes.
I kept my eyes closed, but I was becoming frustrated. My brow was scrunched up in anger, however, I said nothing. I told myself, “if this continues, ask him to stop in a polite manner.” The thing is, I was pushed far enough over the edge to make me speak up. This was a ridiculous situation. I mean, if I was a New Yorker, I’d imagine I would’ve told him off long ago, you know? I would have changed seats, but the train was pretty much full. I wasn’t about to give up my seat to that jackass’s knee–it was a matter of principle.
At one point, I formulated a plan. I decided I was going to give this guy a horrible look. I know my eyes are very expressive and often carry strong emotions. I vowed to give him the worst stink-eye that I could muster up. When he shook his newspaper next, I opened my eyes and give him the look of death. The guy seemed to be in his mid-to-late teens. He was engrossed in his newspaper while listening to his iPod. It imagined my gaze was a viking sword, slicing through his body right down to his core where he’d surely feel me. His reaction? Nothing: he was much too absorbed in his music to notice. I was frustrated. I was sort of looking around, and I think other passengers around me noticed my evil eye. I ended up just closing my eyes again and put up with the idiocy.

By the time we got to one of the major interchange stations, the person sitting next to him had to get out. He turned to let her out. As she headed for the door, he called out to her because she had dropped her gloves. I almost left my mouth agape. When he spoke, he spoke slow and with a slight speech impediment. Jesus. Did I just act stupidly towards someone with a disability? Was he slow? Did he even know what was going on? Well, instead of pondering the imponderables, I just got up out o fmy seat and waited by the exit: my stop was coming up anyway.

Doesn’t it seem like I’ve been attracting weird people as of late? I know I’m an oddball myself…but…I almost feel like I’m being tested on some large scale in the grand scheme of things. I kind of feel like I’m currently failing my tests.

Remedial course, anyone?