I am so incredibly frustrated with myself at this moment. I went for a practice run this morning. The weather was damp. By the time I got to the RR, light rain was starting to fall. If you recall, a few days ago I said that I wanted to experiment with not wearing my orthotics. Today was the day. So, the run felt the same as every other time, but closer to the end of the run, I was finding myself in a lot of pain. On other days, with the orthotics in, the pain was located in my calves. Without them, I was most affected in the shins. No, the muscles became incredibly tense making running ridiculously painful. In the last 5-10 minutes, I had to slow down and walk the rest of the way. The instructor turned back towards me and asked if I was OK. I explained my situation and she told me to stretch when we got back. I tried a few times to do the run intervals, but I had to stop from because of the discomfort. The pack had pulled far ahead of me while I was walking.
After the last turn, the instructor called back to me, “are you going to walk the rest of the way?” I yelled back to her: “I’ll be fine! Don’t worry about me!” I lied. I felt like absolute shit. At first, I thought it was just humbling. However, that feeling quickly morphed into utter disappointment. With the rain falling down on me, it almost felt like nature was feeling my pain and responded. At the final traffic light before the RR, I caught up to the instructor. I lamented about how it seemed like it was impossible for me to ever get to 20 + 1′s by the end. She told me how to stretch my shins, and when I tried, I just could not do it. I tried, but my muscles were quaking. I don’t know what emotions I had on my face, but I was feeling downright miserable.
I’m sad. I’m so frustrated with myself and my limitations. Part of me wants to quit, but I can’t do it. I have to keep going. Still, I feel like a failure. Yes, I know that this current pain is a symptom of my footwear, but regardless, I feel like my body is broken. It was just not meant to accomplish sports-related things, and that sucks. I’m putting so much effort into this running class. I don’t want to fizzle out, but my body might be telling me otherwise. I don’t know what to do.
The feeling will eventually pass, but I need to keep in a positive state-of-mind. I’m just finding it really hard. 
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