I think of myself as a guy that does best in periods of relative stability. I think it’s in my personality make up to resist change where possible. My life over the past few months has had this stability. I have my home life, and my work life, and all is well and good. That’s just how things have been. So, when something comes up that makes me have to rethink anything in my world, I sort of panic. I don’t necessarily freak out, but internally, I’m thinking “whoa…back up for a moment.”
ETA: Entry has to do with dealing with the idea of death.Â
The other day, when I came back home, I noticed a few new religious items, and what seemed like a folder containing some important documents. The folder had the name of a local Catholic cemetery on it. As it turned out, my parents had purchased their plots ahead of time. As they put it: “when our times come, you won’t have anything to worry about.”
Wow. That’s…just…hmm…
My mom, sensing my discomfort, stated plainly: “well we’re not going to live forever, you know.” Yeah, I know. I guess I’m just not mentally prepared for something so life-changing. Who is? I know that my parents are getting older. I don’t think they’re close to dying anything (God forbid). I just don’t know how to process these thoughts right now. I’m drawing blanks.
What struck me as strangely comforting though is that they seem so at ease with it all. They have the “it is what it is” attitude that I usually exhibit. At this time though, it doesn’t feel right for me to simply think that way. At least, it won’t be until I will have dealt with the emotions of losing a loved one. Of course, it wouldn’t make sense to think that way right now–not when there’s still so much life in them. It’s just a small reminder that, yes, one day, we all will die. Memento mori.
Possibly related posts:
2 comments
Raluca says:
Sat. June 9, 2007 at 12:22 am (UTC -4 )
Whoa! You know what, I’m starting to get those comments too. It still really scares me a lot.
Jay says:
Sat. June 9, 2007 at 8:21 pm (UTC -4 )
I know that this type of thing is felt by young adults of all types, but I’m of the opinion that it affects people that are “only-children” more. When you’re an only child, there’s a strong tendency to create a Three Musketeers type attitude: “All for one and one for all.” So anything that might upset this can be difficult to even consider.