Oh dear. What a turn around from yesterday. Today was horrible. I’m so disappointed in myself. Today’s run was a hell of a lot tougher than the last. Yeah, once again I was at the very back of the pack. That’s not what bothers me. It’s just that I hate the fact that I struggled so badly. There were a few times that I almost felt like puking. I tasted bile once or twice: that’s how bad the run was.
Today we moved to 9 minute intervals, but with the same route as yesterday. The first interval went by alright. However by the second one, I was already starting to lag. By the third, everyone pulled a large distance ahead of me. One of the run leaders turned around to see if I was doing alright. I told him straight up that I wasn’t feeling all that great. I felt like shit. Emotionally, I was kind of shattered as well. I know I say that I don’t care about being at the back. Sure, it’s not so bad when the group is within reach, but damn, today they were so far ahead that I was just totally discouraged. By the fourth one, I could barely keep up a light jog. I was ready to just stop.
I’ll be honest, I felt embarrassed. I haven’t felt that way in a long time. By the last stretch, the run leader and I took a shorter route than the rest of the group, meaning that I sort of caught up with the rear. However, they still felt the energy to push right to the end. I just couldn’t. The look on my face must have been a pained one. When I made it to the end with the rest of the group, I just didn’t want to look anyone in the eye. I was already displaying weakness–I couldn’t stand to show any more.
If I were to analyze what was different today, I can pinpoint some variables that probably affected things today.
- I was planning on eating a light lunch, but something possessed me to get a combo of noodles, vegetables, and this big piece of chicken. After eating it, I was already fretting that it would affect my run. I couldn’t finish the veggies. I was full. See, last time I after eating a lot of food, I ran poorly.
- I bought a water bottle carrier belt. When I had it at my side, the bottle seemed to shimmy out a bit. So, someone suggested I put it up higher, so I did. The water bottle was resting higher up mid torso. Maybe it was putting a lot of pressure on my diaphragm? I honestly think it made things worse. Later, then the run leader turned around to run with me, he told me to put the belt lower, back around my waist. Honestly, I felt like a weight was lifted off my chest. I’m really considering trying running by just holding onto a damn water bottle. It might be easier.
I’m really sad right now. Honestly though, there’s nothing I can do but pull up my socks and try again. I just need to do better next time.
I could use some encouragement though. 
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