I ended up chatting with Raien last Saturday, which was refreshing because I hadn’t heard from her in a long while. The topic turned to the so-called life milestones and where we currently stand. I have many blessings to be thankful for. I have a career and my own place (which, although it still needs to be built, is still worthy of note). I’m just missing something in the love areas of my life. Yeah, I don’t want to say that it’s that much of an important issue, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t. I usually tell myself that I’m just occupied and throwing my focus elsewhere, which is true. Work is very important to me: it’s how I get the resources to live comfortably. Raien and I agreed that we could find a partner easily if we wanted to, just that we didn’t want to lead anyone on if we didn’t intend to take the relationship seriously. I guess that makes us a little too idealistic, no?
She mentioned that some people constantly need to be in relationships because they don’t want to be lonely. Where does that pin me? I’d like to think that I’m being self-reliant and independent, but am I really? I don’t know. I guess I’m of the opinion that if I can’t take care of myself, how can I take care of someone else? So, I need to spend this unfettered time right now to establish myself and settle as much of my identity as possible.
Some days I do wish that I had someone to share my thoughts, my worries, my triumphs, my fears and failures. I know though that I’ve got other outlets for that kind of thing, and ultimately I know I can deal with it all. Patience, yeah? Patience.
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