Monthly Archive: September 2009

It’s only seventeen pages…

So, it looks like I’m going to have to work on a document overnight just ot make a deadline tomorrow morning. That’s fine, I suppose. I mean, just as long as this doesn’t become habitual, I should be OK. On the train back home, I was napping, then thinking about my document. Then all of a sudden I came to a really horrible realization: I had forgotten to email myself the document.

Graaaaaaagh!

In my panic state, I was going through various possibilities in my mind. Since I had a paper copy of the draft in my bag, I was trying to convince myself that just retyping 17 pages wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Ha! Luckily, a more rational head prevailed. I realized that I could use Remote Desktop Connection to get back onto my box at work and pick up the doc from the machine. Done deal.

So, here I am, document in hand, figuring out whether I want to stay up late finishing it, or if I want to sleep first, then wake up ridiculously early to get it done. Well…since I seem to already be horizontal on the comfy sofa…I think sleep is going to win out.

A few more thoughts about “just” finishing

Every time someone tells me “the important thing is that you finished,” I feel very lucky to have so many people on my side, supporting and cheering me on. On race day though, you can be surrounded by thousands of people, and yet feel alone and isolated. It’s the nature of the sport. Yes, runners support each other, but ultimately each person is responsible for his or her own performance under the given conditions.

In the end, I am my hardest critic.

The thing is, I need to be this way. It’s the only way to improve, isn’t it? If I remain complacent and continually satisfied with my performance there isn’t much incentive to keep striving to get faster, or to get stronger. It’s why I train. It’s why I pour hours into putting in my mileage.

I’m certainly not discounting all of the well wishes that people have been sending my way. Far from it. I mean, it’s easy to feed off of the good energy. Someone needs to remind me though that there is room to grow, room to expand, room to progress. A good deal of that needs to come from within. Ultimately, that’s what fuels the drive.

Living, breathing, angsting

Most of my thoughts over the past few days have been dominated by the race and all of the necessary preparations. However, that wasn’t the only interesting thing that happened over the weekend. On Saturday I actually attended a small get together of some other bloggers in the Toronto area belonging to the 20SB group. That group is a community of sorts for twenty-somethings that blog. I joined that group a while back and over time it’s put me in contact with a group of people that I would likely have never have known about otherwise.

It’s really fascinating how a group of relative strangers can get to know each other and feel slightly familiar without ever having met. For the most part, reading the thoughts that these people have put online as well as having a look at the occasional photo have brought life into the words. Part of me knows that there is a living, breathing, angsting 20-something on the other end typing away and crafting their own niche of the Internet. Even so, the image that’s most often generated in my mind is pretty much limited to an avatar and a generic voice. In the end, even if we’re in the same region, there’s a tendency to just draw a line and note the separation. It’s like: I’m doing my own thing, and they’re doing their own thing…and there’s the vast wasteland of the Internet that separates us. And so, this is where the meet up comes in. Bloggers tend to share personal thoughts and feelings, right? All of that is still impersonal to some extent. It really only becomes truly personal and engaging when your mind can make the connection between the words you see and an actual person that you’ve met. And that’s why I’m thankful to have had this weekend to meet some these people.

Now, I suppose I won’t go into too much detail over what I saw and what happened because, really, Erin already wrote about the night and put a good amount of detail into it. At this point I don’t think there’s all that much to add, if I’m being honest. Yes, it’s possible to meet a couple of crazies on the Internet, but immediately I knew that this wasn’t one of those times. From first impressions it seemed like everyone had a good head on their shoulders, which made me feel a bit relieved. If everyone was completely out to lunch I would have been running for the hills. Luckily, we all had a good time. I think there’s a great related point that Erin brought up in her post. We were kind of taught early on about the perils of meeting people online. Well this time nothing went wrong.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried about how I’d be received. I think I came off well. Prior to the event I told myself that if I just acted like my usual self I’d be fine. In the end, I really was fine. Then again, I think the fact that this wasn’t the first time I had met people from the Internet helped me keep things in perspective. Prior to this, there was that cross-Japan tour that I did with a guy from Connecticut that I knew through a forum. Two years before that there was the Tokyo tour with nine others whom I hadn’t met at all. Interesting to note that I’m good friends now with one of those people. And before that there was a small group I met at what must have been the 2005 Fan Expo. So no, meeting people from the online world isn’t too new to me at all. Don’t get me wrong, the results can still be a bit too wacky for my tastes, but overall it’s been all right.

Hear that everyone? You’re aaaaaaaall right.

OK, so I’ve fallen asleep on the couch again while writing this so I’m ending this entry right here.

A humbling and frustrating race

Today was entirely humbling, and very frustrating. Before I get into any details, I want to open with this following picture.

Medal for the half

The feedback that I’m getting from just about everyone is “the important thing is that you finished.” The medal pictured above is proof. Yes, that’s great, however, knowing that I completed the race doesn’t make me feel any better for having what I consider to be a really rough race. How rough? I actually missed my old time for last year’s Waterfront Half. By extension, tat also means that I missed my personal best by a very wide margin. Now, can you see why I’m somewhat disappointed in myself? So what happened? Let me give the breakdown after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

It’s now the day before the race and finally the nerves are starting to kick in. It’s only natural to feel this way, right? Sure, the excitement is there, but it’s not at the level it was at this time last year. Back then I was pretty much in a state of “holy crap, holy crap, holy crap…” Now, I’m comparatively mellow.

(I wonder though…are the nerves more from the blogger meet up I’m heading to tonight? I’ll write about that soon, though expect a few race related entries before then)

Obviously, part of the reason that I’m feeling more at ease is that I now know what to expect in terms of atmosphere and the amount of stress that my body has to endure. Mind you, that doesn’t mean I know how my body is going to react. Oh hell no. I don’t know if I’m going to have an off day, or if I’m going to have the race of my life. The weather conditions might also force my body into rebellion. Right now the weather is predicted to be somewhat cool in the morning, with a chance of showers. Sounds good, but what if the predictions are off and I end up with a ridiculously humid 21 kilometres ahead of me? If something like that, ultimately there’s nothing I can do…though I won’t let any of that get me down because something like that would be outside of my sphere of influence. Also, everyone else would be feeling just as gross.

Anyway, enough about that. I usually don’t like making predictions (though it hasn’t stopped me in the past). It would be really great if I can beat the personal best that I set in Mississauga. Thing is, my training over the summer has been spotty at best. With all of the life changes going on, I had trouble focusing on putting in all of the necessary mileage. As such, I’m really expecting to put in a time between last year’s Scotia and this year’s Mississauga. It’s not a totally positive prediction, but it’s realistic. I just can’t see myself breaking my Mississauga time. Then again, maybe I’ll surprise myself. I don’t know. No matter what, I still plan on giving it a great effort.

Please wish me luck!

Exclusion redux

Exclusion.

It almost feels the same as it did back in high school.

Old news. New experiences.

Difference is that now there’s context:

Ultimately, none of it really matters.

(Life is much better as an adult, isn’t it?)

One heavy burrito

Sure, back when I was a teen, it made sense that I could throw back food like it was going out of style. I mean, something had to fuel all of those wacky bodily changes. So yeah, these days the amount of food intake I feel like I need is back to sensible amounts. That’s all well and good, but I was sort of freaked out today. I bought a burrito for lunch from a gourmet burrito place down the road. It was a really good burrito, but holy crap, by the end of it I felt like I had overeaten. So, because of this I have to ask:

Since when did a burrito (albeit a good sized one) suddenly become too much food for a guy like me?

Seriously?! Now, I recognize that I often can’t put up a good fight at all you can eat sushi anymore. I often don’t get my money’s worth anymore at Chinese buffets. Still…the fact that a fucking burrito just about brought me down? That’s not right, man.

Let’s be honest though. This is actually a good thing, isn’t it? Doesn’t it mean that I have a better feel for what a sensible portion is? Isn’t this a healthy change? Sure, but I think something in the back of my mind is telling me that I have something of a reputation to uphold. I’m the champ, you know? So, perhaps it just means that I have to change my game plan. If I’m in a mood to make a spectacle of myself, maybe instead of going for volume I could probably indulge people in a bit of “Will Jason eat it?” Or perhaps I can go for speed. Who knows? Whatever the case, I will not let one heavy burrito shame me! No way!

Weary and worn out

sleepy_pensive2

Yeah, man. Can you relate to this guy? He’s a little bit weary, and looking kind of worn out. It looks like he’s had kind of a long day, no? His eyes reveal though that it hasn’t just been a long day–it’s already been a long week.

Thing is, there’s still a long way to go.

(I think he just needs a little bit of sleep.)

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