Jason’s 2009

Just like I stated last year, at this time of year I have a tendency to avoid doing these run down type posts. I tend to do these on my birthday, and usually it’s enough. Thing is, I think for a year like this a little bit of navel-gazing is necessary. There’s a lot of talk about this year being a tough one. By and large, yes, it was tough. With all of the doom and gloom, it can be easy for me to sink into a dark place. There are, however, enough reasons for me to look up and forward. That’s why it’s important for me to see what I’ve gone through.

This is one heck of an entry, so I’m placing it after the jump.

January

I was off to a good start for sure with the purchase of a new car. I was tired of all of the vehicular madness with the old car, and after unintentionally putting my parents in danger I thought that it was time for something new. Besides that, I think I just wanted to reward myself. I ended up getting something practical but with a hint of design flash. After all this time, I’m still happy with the decision. The car has been awesome. I really don’t have any complaints.

In January, many of my posts were about running. I was deep into training for a half marathon at the time. It was my second time through the program and I was determined to improve. It was also my first time running through the winter season. I still had much to learn, and confidence in my running abilities still hadn’t settled in so I made sure to document what I was thinking and feeling as much as possible.

February

I think in that month I was being worked particularly hard. I think people were just on vacation, and resources were thin. That was forcing me to pick up slack even though there was a promise that the loads would be lighter. I actually had a heavy mini-crisis right before Valentine’s Day due to work. Yes, I have endurance and can carry heavy loads on occasion. It’s just that when I’m pushed to the point of failure no good ever comes out of it. In the end I end up being the victim: I just get trampled. From what I wrote down back then, it seems like I made a request for vacation back then too which was rejected. Given yesterday’s post, I have to give my head a shake. There were systemic problems long ago.

So, I mentioned training for a half, right? I was really careful to not become injured as I ran through adverse conditions. A day or two before the race, I found myself with a swollen ankle due to an ice patch outside a subway station. Cruel irony, that. If anything, that was a strong lesson about not getting far too depressed over things that are out of my control and not my fault.

March

In March, I faced a lot of questions over whether I really understood who I was. Everyone has varying personality traits. I was just accustomed to thinking that my particular set of traits liked to contradict each other. As a result, I figured that I must come off as a total bi-polar basket case of some sort. After doing some soul searching I realized that there are some underlying qualities and traits that pin all of the other things together. Knowing that, the manifestation no longer becomes important. Figuring that out was liberating.

This month marked the beginning of my journey in terms of passing on my love of running to others. I was invited to be one of the group leaders for a half marathon group. That meant that I’d kind of be a shepherd of sorts, right? Now, given that I had a complex that made me wonder why anyone one want me to be a guide when I’m the slowest person in the world, this was just astonishing. At this point, it was slowly starting to dawn on me that my strong points when it comes to running do not include speed, but rather determination, tenacity, and persistence. Those traits are truly strong straits, and I wonder why I didn’t recognize it until then.

March was also the month I did that food tour and pillow fight. I’m really quite glad I went on that outing. Not only was it fun, but it gave me a greater appreciation for the sheer size of Toronto in general. It’s not often that I cover large parts of downtown on foot intentionally. It also made me realize that there’s an awful lot of stuff going on in the city. All it takes is for me to actually seek out the fun. I wasn’t looking forward to the pillow fight before it happened. Once I was in there, I was swinging around with the best of them. I realized that sometimes I just need to drop all barriers and enjoy the moment.

April

Once spring rolled around, I was really coming into my own in terms of helping other people reach their running goals. I found myself really useful in inspiring the people that tended to run at the back of the group. I knew what it was like back there, so I did my best to ensure that they didn’t give up hope. When you’re at the back, it’s so easy to just give up thinking that there’s no way to catch up. That may be true, but catching up should never be the goal. It takes effort to change that way of thinking, and I think I managed to do that well with the people I was guiding. At the same time, the actual coaches of the clinic were making sure that I wasn’t forgetting my own training. I found myself running a little bit faster, and overall amazed with my newfound abilities.

May

It was a sunny, but cold day when I ran the Mississauga Half Marathon. All of my training paid off as I cut off 17 minutes from my old personal best this race. Amazing stuff, really. I think this is when I knew that I had my breakthrough moment. I know that my physical condition was considerably better, but my mental state was also much better. I stopped accepting that I’m just slow and that there would be no room for improvement. Sure, the majority of the people there were faster than me, but ultimately I wasn’t competing against them, was I?

I was able to carry all of this running wisdom over to my next gig. The process of being a pace leader went so well that I was asked to teach the Learn to Run group. I was apprehensive at first, but eventually I warmed up to it. Everyone is eager to learn in that class. I was eager to make sure all of the new runners would come out of the clinic with a feeling of confidence that I didn’t have at first, as well as a good set of foundations. It just so happened that this class was the biggest LTR class that this store location had ever seen. Craziness.

June

The start of the month didn’t go so well. I was called out on being less-than-professional and slacking a little bit too much. Ha! Seriously. I’m usually quite a work horse, but after a few traumatic work events I was distracted and feeling a little bit lost. What it took was a bit of a hard shove to remind me that I can’t let those things get in the way of producing the required work. From that point forward, I’ve always kept that in mind.

This month was also when so many housing things started happening. I signed up for the condo in 2007, and progress was slow to happen. All of a sudden, event after event started happening. I was signing this and that, and it finally it was starting to really sink in that I would soon have my own place. I was finally allowing myself to get all giddy about the prospect. In the past I’d let myself get excited only to have things delayed. It was all becoming real.

July

I decided to get braces back in December 2007. My teeth weren’t terribly crooked, but I figured that I’d just get it done. So, for the longest while I was that guy with the adult braces. Finally, in July, the braces came off. I didn’t think I had confidence issues before with my smile, but the little tweaks seemed to make a huge difference. Who knew?

This was the month that my Learn to Run group came to an end. I started out with 50-something participants, and that eventually came down to about 20+ dedicated people. They completed the Rebecca Run up in Newmarket. It was a rainy day, but everyone was still entirely enthusiastic. I like to believe that that was because of the love of running that I instilled into them. By the end of the race, as I was seeking out everyone in the crowd, I repeatedly saw tired, but proud faces. Seriously, I was entirely proud of everyone and what they had achieved. In fact, I still see most of those people in store. The fact that they’re sticking to it is a testament to the work I did to make sure they saw running as a positive experience.

August

This was the big month. I had experience living away from home during university, however, I always headed back home once the school term was over. Now, this was my time to branch off and do my own thing. All it took was 29 months. Sure, the wait was long, but in the end it was all worth. “Homeowner” has a nice ring to it. So, August was marked with a lot of moving, big expenses, and getting things in order. It’s amazing how much money I spent that month. Appliances and furniture are expensive! Home decor suddenly came to the forefront of my mind. It’s all so very adult. Even after graduating from university, I didn’t really feel like an adult. This thing though has changed my life. I love having my own place to retreat to after work. Nothing like it.

A side effect of being on my own was the fact that I’ve really worked hard to cook meals frequently. It’s all so very rewarding to be able to eat something I cooked on my own. Thing is, I didn’t really have a handle on portion sizes. I think my mind was way too focused on other more stressful matters such that watching what I ate wasn’t so much of a big thing. Well, this month started a trend of weight gain. On the other hand, I started really honing my culinary skills.

September

The furnishing of the place continued into this month. I’m not sure I really had a certain style in mind diving into this whole decorating mess, but in the end the pieces actually came together to form a cohesive look and feel. It all looks well put together, and feels like it’s really representative of what I want my style to be. Does that make sense? Well, I haven’t really added much to the decor since then, but there are plans. Oh, yes.

At the end of the month was a big race. I was training the whole summer for that race. During training, everything was great. I was on top of the world, and making great progress. Then, on race day everything fell apart. The race conditions created extra pressure with the water backpack I was carrying. During training, I was running slow enough with the backpack such that it wasn’t pounding on my back. In the race, I was running fast enough such that all the water was really hurting me. More than halfway through the race my lower back just gave up on me. No matter how hard I tried to run for at least a few minutes, I just slowed down to a walk due to the pain. In the end, I walked through much of the latter half. Yes, I finished, and for that I’m thankful. However, it was also a humbling experience. Sure, I was humble to begin with, but it takes a bad event like that to really drive home the fact that you can’t take running for granted.

October

The thing that really drove this month was a sudden switch to healthier eating. Since August, because of all of my heavy cooking I ended up gaining 7 pounds over two months. This was despite having run large mileages week after week. That struck me as wrong, so I decided to do something about it. Over at Lifehacker I saw a post regarding online weight management tools. I picked one out and dove right in. The big thing for me was keeping track of the calories that went into my body. It was quickly evident that I was just eating too much high calorie stuff and going over my requirements by a fair bit week after week. So, after some tweaking, I was actually able to start losing the weight. In that first month I lost the 7 lbs I gained. Since then I’ve been slowly hacking away at myself. I’ve still got a long way to go, but I can look back to October as being the month where the switch was flipped.

This was the time I also started teaching the half marathon clinic. I like to joke that the store just couldn’t find a better candidate to teach the clinic, but in all honesty I now realize that coaching is not about being the fastest. As long as I have the power to inspire others, then that means that I can be a great coach. Considering how my running hobby started out, I seriously have come a long way. I’ve changed. I’ve matured. If I can pass on the enthusiasm I have for this activity, then I’ve done my job right.

November

I was born in the late months of autumn. I feel the most at ease during these months. Coaching was moving along quite nicely. I had someone tell me that I was really becoming a man through all of the running and coaching I’ve been doing. It’s a slightly odd comment, but I can certainly appreciate where it was coming from. Maybe you can say that I found my confidence. And why not? It was this month that I noticed that I was running with much more ease than I ever have been. I think losing weight played a big part in it. I still shock myself now and then when I end up running routes in a fast time. It’s crazy! This isn’t what “Jason” does. That’s right, except that “Jason” isn’t a static concept. I’m ever-evolving.

This was a strange month for work. Due to a set of circumstances, I suddenly became the person on the team with the most seniority. That’s amazing, but is it really a good thing? Was I capable of rising to the occasion? Well, I suppose I had no choice. Sink or swim, right? This is another case where I’ve had to mature quickly to be able to handle things. It’s still early, so I’m not sure how I’ve been doing. Then again, the project hasn’t collapsed into a being fiery heap, so that must be a good thing.

December

With the holidays upon us, I ramped up my culinary skills. Early on in the month I started making different types of cookies. Out of four batches, three were pretty successful. Every person that’s tried one of my shortbread variations has come away raving about it. The two that were immensely popular were the cranberry pecan orange shortbread cookies, and the glazed lemon shortbread cookies. Maybe I’m just fooling myself, but I really choose to believe that everyone was being truthful. The good compliments make me want to try harder and to do better.

Oh, and I don’t just bake either. I also made an awesome roast pork the other day.

So, all right. That’s a summary of what my 2009 was like. I don’t think I have any reason to really bury my head and wish this year didn’t happen. Not at all! When I look back I see a lot of growth. In these twelve months I’ve grown and matured. I’m becoming more stable and more self-assured. This is how it should be. If 2009 is any indication, 2010 will be one heck of a year.

Possibly related posts:

1. Jason’s 2010
2. Running log: 2009/12/13
3. Running log: 2009/09/13