citizen of the planet

This whole journey of “shrinking” has been quite a bit of an eye opener for me.  In years past I’ve been going about it all in a half-assed manner, getting mild results but nothing too drastic.  It’s not that I’m discounting progress that I made in the past.  It’s just that in the end of it all nothing seemed to have a sense of permanence.  It makes me wonder though if this current phase I’m going through will be any different.  I’d like to think that it will be.  I mean, finally, everything seems to have clicked; I found the keys to my self-imposed  prison cell.

Anyway, what I’ve found interesting for now is that now that results have been forthcoming, I’ve been recognizing the importance of rewarding myself for reaching small milestones.  You’d think that breaking 200 lbs. would have been the big reward point.  Mentally, that was a barrier for me.  See, I never thought that I would find myself below that number ever again.  It had been years since my weight was below that point.  I’m sure it must have been some time during puberty that I was last at that weight.  However, when I actually cleared that point I was still finding my way and unsure whether I was on the right track.  Odd, isn’t it?  It wasn’t until much later that I started making it a point to reward myself for staying on track, and to forgive myself more readily if I veer off path.  The point of it all is to reinforce good habits.

At 190 lbs. I decided to go clothes shopping.  I wanted to find better fitting clothes that suited how I felt about myself.  I think when I was heavier there was a little bit of a tendency to just find clothes that are “good enough.”  There’s almost a sense of that it really didn’t matter what I wore because it would never look all that great.  Of course, that’s just a load of horse biscuits.  What I was feeling was just a lack of confidence.  Well, I figured that new clothes would help me jump start that confidence and get the positive momentum really going.  And they did.  It may seem a little materialistic, but that’s just the nature of things: when you look good you feel good.  It’s nice to get a few more looks than usual as you’re walking down the street, right?  As much as people maybe be reacting to how you’re dressed, they’re also reacting to your confidence.

After that, I told myself that upon breaking 185 lbs. I’d go out and buy a frivolous video game for my somewhat-new laptop.  Yeah, I know that video games aren’t exactly conducive to healthy living, but they’re useful for keeping a bit of balance.  Honestly though, it was something I really wanted.  So I was more interested in satisfying that need by making it a reward.  Does that make sense?  Besides, with this lifestyle change, it’s not like something like a video game would derail my efforts at all.  Well, this morning when I checked the scale, I was surprised to find myself right at 185.  I actually had to step off and step on again to confirm that the scale wasn’t acting strange.  Of course, it wasn’t.  I knew that the weight loss was from the heavy workout I did the day before.  In all likelihood things will fluctuate back up a little bit to some equilibrium point.  Even so, it doesn’t matter!  I’ve broken through the gate.  This required celebration.

Tonight I declared that upon breaking 180 lbs. I would go and buy a new leather jacket.  I have an old black leather jacket from 2002 or 2003 that’s pretty large on me now.  Whenever I wear it I feel like I look like I’m borrowing a jacket from some larger relative.  As such, that jacket’s been out of circulation for the past few weeks.  So, this reward is intended to fill that void.  I’ve even got the look a little planned out.  I want a black leather jacket that’s bomber length with a little bit of military inspiration.  I don’t want anything to flashy, but nothing too minimalistic: I want a bit of detail.  Am I obsessing?  Hahah.

It’s interesting to note that there really isn’t anything at all to stop me from just getting all of these rewards ahead of time right now.  That would satisfy my want for some instant gratification, but in the end doing so just won’t be as special as how I’m setting things up now.  Setting these things up as rewards just makes each thing all that much more meaningful.  Doing so makes me more appreciative of the progress I’ve made and makes me more determined to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  So, yeah, I’m just telling these stories so that you too might get a little bit of an idea for how rewards might fit into your life.  If it will help you stay on your path, then go for it!