I was over at the mall hanging out with Sharon who I’ve known for what seems like forever. We didn’t really have a goal in mind, but eventually it turned into a bit of a clothing hunt for me. I was all too happy to take advantage of the opportunity because it’s not often that I have female help to go shopping. After picking up a couple of new shirts, we headed into the leather store on a whim. I originally wanted to skip it because of my goal of buying a new jacket only when I hit 180 lbs. As of this morning I was only 3 lbs. off, but I didn’t want to reward myself early. Still, the signs in the store windows indicated that there was a sale, so I was just curious.
I told my friend that I was looking for a bomber length jacket. When we went in she seemed to head straight for something that caught her eye. As she started looking for a size, a salesperson came by and asked what size we were looking for: “medium or large?” Instinctively I replied “large.” I put the jacket on and it was OK. I don’t think I was too sold on it though. The salesperson picked up a similar jacket with slightly different detailing, and I put it on. My friend commented that she liked the design, but they didn’t seem too convinced. The salesperson suddenly exclaimed, “let’s try a medium!” When I heard that I was unconvinced. Come on. Medium? No freaking way, right? Well, I just wanted to humour them so I put it on. When I did they were both “WHOOOOA!” Apparently it looked perfect. I wasn’t sure, but they were telling me it was working, so I believed them and bought the jacket. I currently plan to just hold on to it up until I hit 180. Still, I’m just shocked that I was able to get into that thing.
It’s amazing how much my experiences growing up play into my sense of self these days. I suppose it’s obvious that it would, but still. Part of me would like to say that I’ve changed and matured enough such that what happened before shouldn’t factor into anything. However, it’s just not the case. I never would have imagined that I’d find myself in a medium-sized anything. Mentally my mind just keeps telling me not to even bother trying because it just won’t work. It never did before, so why would it now? These experiences are telling me that I need to keep an open mind. I’m working hard on changing myself. I can’t sabotage my efforts by mentally blocking myself, right?
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