Monthly Archive: March 2010

Lost keys to doomsday

Every once in a while I need a bit of a scare to keep me from getting far too complacent with my daily routine. After work, after getting off the train I was walking home thinking about all of the things I needed to do when I got back to my place. As I approached my building I opened my bag to fetch my keys. After pawing around my messenger bag pocket, I noticed that my keys weren’t there. I started fishing through my pants pockets, but they weren’t there either. I didn’t want to look all frantic while standing at the side of the road so I decided to just keep walking around my building as I searched my bag. I kept searching and walking but found nothing. Soon I was back at the main road, at which point I decided to just trek back to work. I figured that if my keys weren’t with me the next likely place would be at my desk. Of course, right? Thing is, it’s a 40 minute trip back. Unfortunately that long trip gave me enough time to let the fertile soil of my mind sprout various scenarios.

The ride back in was a bit rough. There was a delay along the east-west line so a lot of the ride was jerky. As a result of the uneven ride I was feeling a little bit queasy. The thought of me totally misplacing my keys was just compounding things. I’m supposed to be the responsible one with everything together, right? Yeah, I know that doesn’t exclude me from having mental lapses, but something this bad shouldn’t happen. I started imagining worst case scenarios. What if I’d dropped my keys somewhere such that someone could figure out where I lived? Yeah, impossible since there’s nothing to link the keys to a specific address, but what if? I was dreading the thought of having to call the manager to get me into my suite. I was dreading the thought of having to change all the locks. Doomsday! End of the world! All of this over-thinking actually made me physically sick. Yes, I know: over-reacting horribly.

Anyway, I did make it back to my desk. When I got there I was mildly disappointed to not see them on my desk. I opened the drawer and there they were. How the hell did they get in there? Seriously, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Perhaps in a moment of quick celebration I stepped over to the nearby bar and downed a pint of Sapporo. I wandered around from there and ended up sitting in front of Toronto City Hall eating a poutine from the blue chip truck. I was kind of angry at myself for letting my emotional mind go a bit haywire. I mean, it’s all totally irrational. My mind was still a little bit muddled so I think I wanted to do something relaxing in a beautiful setting. Hence the fries in front of ever awesome city hall. From there I ended up wandering up Yonge observing random people going about their business, and observing them observing me.

Anyway, crisis was averted, and there was no harm done in the end. Still, that doesn’t excuse the fact that I was a little bit insane. I let my guard down. Don’t want it to happen again.

Gateway to over-share

Well, that last post was certainly interesting. At least, it’s interesting to me. Drunk blogging certainly isn’t something I advocate. It’s a slippery slope, and when you’re unguarded it’s far too easy to have a bit of verbal diarrhea and over-share. Luckily I still had enough sense to not be an idiot. The gateway to over-share was open, and I might have peeked through, but in the end I still shut the door. Still…the last post is kind of unfortunate. What’s done is done.

Just to be social

You know, on a normal day when I’d coe home late I’md probably try ot go home using th ebus but frankly I just really had to pee so I ended up stumbling home anyway. If I were t wait for the bus I’m sure that it would have taken a hal hour anyway. So…post improv class the teacher suggested that we haead to the bar down the road just to socialize and all. A lot of people were going so I suppose that I caevd to the peer pressure. Perhaps my saving grace was the fact that I only had a $20 bill in my pocket. With that and a couple of coins I was able to keep it to three drinks. The only problem was that I was actually onlyt drinking on an empty stomach. Of course that meant that things would hit harder than they normally would. Hence the state of thi entry. It’s so odd. I’t's lik I know these mistakes are happening but I’m sort of in no moon to correct them at all. Anyway, I decided to just relax anwyay because I hve the day off tomorrow. I think I only reallye intended on having maye one drink just to be social with the class but ended up jsut spending the balance of my $20. I really don’t want to end up with a hangover tomorrow, so I fugre I better drink some morewater to hydrate myself. Of course, the last time I tried top myself off intentionally the results were less than stellatr. Hah. Luckily I didn’t drink enough to tget to that point. Seriously. I know my limits: there’s no reason to even get to that point. Hahah. See, I even used a grammatically correct colon, so have some of my senses intact.

Braaaaaaaagh. I’ma die tomroww.

I’m still working on it

No, I’m not bragging.

Several times this week, I’ve had people that haven’t seen me in a couple of weeks comment on how much weight I’ve lost. Absolutely, that’s a great thing. It means that all of my efforts have been paying off. Although, in the past month or so I haven’t really seen that much change in terms of numbers. Even so, people have said that they notice a difference. I kind of want to argue against them and throw numbers and stats in their face, but I stop myself because why the heck would I want to block a compliment like that? It shows that people are paying attention and that people care, and stopping that is the equivalent of self-sabotage. So, the positive feedback encourages me to keep at it.

One common thing that I like replying back with when people comment is “I’m still working on it.” That’s because I truly am. It took forever to get the ball rolling, and now that it’s moving I don’t want it to stop. What’s interesting to me when I say this is that will tell me that I look fine and that I shouldn’t lose anymore weight. Often that leads me to do a double-take, or to ask for confirmation that they said what they said. Yeah, I suppose the change has been big enough such that it looks like I don’t need to go any further. I can see why someone would say that. Compared with how I was before, I no longer have a big gut; I’m no longer as wide around as I used to be. My mother was one of the first people to tell me that I should be happy where I am now. I’m not discounting the hard work that I’ve put in thus far. Oh, hell no: I’m thankful that I’ve made this progress. Thing is, I know that I need to do better. I’ve still got a good number of pounds (read: fat) that I need to dump. I’m not looking to be rail-thin. I just want to get to the point where I’m not self-conscious.

That last line is an interesting one. I mean, it would seem to suggest that with a good amount of psychological reconditioning I would probably be content. I suppose I wonder whether I’ve got a little bit of the body dysmorphic thing going on. I mean, all of the images I see in the media must have some sort of effect, right? At the same time, I’m actually well-conscious of my state of mind, so it can’t really be that big of a problem. Since I’m already making the effort, I might as well just keep at it until I’m done. There is an ill-defined endpoint for sure. I know enough to know that it’s not here. Not yet. Give it a few more months.

Shredding and shelving

I’ve been summoned a couple of times to head over to my parents’ place to work on clearing out a lot of my old stuff that’s still lying around the house. Today my mother wanted me to work on getting my textbooks out of my room and into my condo. I had no problem with that, but since I didn’t have a place to put the books I headed over to Ikea to get a bookcase. Man, that place is like an amusement park. There were a large amount of families, just strolling about the showrooms. I was off to the side when a bunch of children came and sat down on two chairs beside me. The parents asked them if the chairs were comfortable. The children cheerfully answered, “yeeeeeeah!” The mother sat down on the chair and opined that they weren’t that comfortable, to which the little girl insisted “But, I think they’re comfortable!” I had to smile at that. I ended up getting a Billy bookcase as well as a couple of dishes, a Lazy Susan to give me better access to all of the spices I’ve got in the cupboard, and a couple of new pillows for the couch. Yeah, I’m currently reclined on the couch making use of the awesome new pillows. Anyway, I somehow managed to haul a 64 lb. flat-pack back up to my unit and assembled the bookcase it with ease. I placed the bookcase between the couch and the window. It looks appropriate there, but to be honest with it there my living room is now starting to look mildly crowded. No, it’s not horribly cramped yet, but it’s certainly cozy in here.

So, anyway, with the case assembled I finally headed over to visit my parents. Prior to gathering the textbooks, mom insisted that I tackle some piles of old bills and other papers. I agreed and brought the shredder up to my room. As I was going through, I was simply shocked at how I had a tendency to horde things that had no use anymore. For example, why did I have pay stubs from 2002? Hanging onto them couldn’t possibly have had any value even two years after the fact, much less 8 years on. There were a couple of things that could have had some sentimental value, like some certificates from high school. Again though, why do I need a certificate saying that I passed grade 12 French? Bah. Old bills were well represented. Cell phone bills from 2003 were kind of interesting. Some of the envelopes had ads for phones that were coming out back then. As much as they’re outdated by today’s standards, back then they were amazing. In the end, I was able to shred 2.5 garbage bags full of old stuff. I honestly feel relieved to have all of that purged.

After shredding, and having a bit of dinner I finally got to the textbooks. I started bagging them, but was quickly overwhelmed by how heavy the books were. Perhaps unintuitively, those books were a heck of a lot heavier than the encyclopedia books I transferred two weeks ago. After stuffing a bag I tried carrying the thing on my shoulder. I swear, I felt like my shoulder was just going to break under all of the weight. Figuring that it would make my trek from the car to the elevator pretty miserable I decided to lighten the load and not bother to even attempt to get everything in one go; two bags of books was enough for today. Whatever I brought is already shelved and looking fancy. I think that’s one reason that I didn’t bother selling off all of my books back in university. As much as I could have made a few extra bucks I figured that the books would at least look good on a shelf. Some of these books are already almost a decade old. Crazy! Having these books in the living room kind of makes me feel like I’m projecting a slightly professional or tech minded persona. I wonder if anyone will be fooled? Hmm.

Foam bat to the head

It’s sort of frustrating when someone else gets recognition for doing things that have basically been in my description since the beginning. I’m not begrudging anyone for getting a bit of the spotlight. However, once again, it goes to show that when the machine is running smoothly it’s easy to take for granted the reasons why the machine is all well lubed up and efficient. The circumstances are such that it’s tolerable, but if I catch myself unaware the frustration comes swinging around and hits me like a Nerf foam bat to the head: no real damage, annoying as hell, and can give me a nasty headache.

Same old disbelief

Oh, hello. It’s nice to speak with you.

Ah, I already have a car loan and a mortgage.

No, I don’t have a girlfriend.

You look incredulous. Yes, I’m being serious that I don’t have one.

Why, you ask? Umm…it just hasn’t worked out that way. I really function better single, it seems.

(Ugh.)

Make it stop!

OK, so I’m totally late to this whole Trololo Internet meme thing that’s been passed around for the past month or two. Even so, I’m sure there are a few of you out there that haven’t seen this one yet.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYU7oG2V7uc

Oh dear, I can’t look away. The key changes! The progression! It’s like it just keeps mounting! Bah.

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