I’ve established many times that I’m not really someone that accepts change easily. Normally I don’t go seeking it out–usually it finds me. When it does, I adapt to the new circumstances to the best of my ability, but not before I go through some sort of overly dramatic thing where I have to re-frame everything. This is definitely one of those unstable periods. A few days ago I wrote about my job having a drop dead date. Today I spoke with some people of influence to discuss whether there’s room for me after that date. I honestly didn’t really know what to expect going into the meeting. In the end though, it became clear that, yes, there would be room if I wanted it. The only thing is that it would involve a move to a different technology than what I’ve been dealing with for the past 3.5 years. Due to this, in effect I’d be starting all over again. Right now, this fact is what’s messing with my head.
On some level it’s almost as if everything that I’ve been doing has all been for nought. All of my experience has been specific to a particular language. The change involves learning something entirely new. Despite my experience, it’s certainly not like I can dive right in and take a position of high responsibility right from the start. That alone was enough to make me feel a little bit helpless. It took me a while of self-analysis and discussion with colleagues to put it all into perspective. Firstly, given the drop dead date for my position, there are really only two outcomes that can happen. The first is that I find a new job with a new company. The other is that I stick around and join a different department. Really, how is joining a new department any worse than taking on a new company? In both cases I’d have to learn something new anyway. The big difference is that the company is willing to let me ramp up and not stuff me into something entirely entry level. That in itself is a blessing, isn’t it?
Seriously, all of this angst is really a bit of a heavy load. However, its not like it’s one that I’m really forced to carry. I could just accept everything and move on. At the same time, I think that it’s just in my nature to try to look at something from as many angles as I can just to get a better judgment. Anyway, at this point, when this change comes I’m going to do my best to grab it with both hands and run with it. I know I’m worried but when the time finally comes to perform I will rock it. I think the prospect of climbing the ladder again even has me a little excited.
Let me show you what I can do.
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