Monthly Archive: June 2010

Hourglasses

Life is all about beginnings and endings. Old chapters need to be closed before new ones can be opened. My personality enjoys stability, so whenever there’s a change of some sort it I tend to feel it rather heavily. At this point there are a couple of things winding down, and a couple of things that are still in their infancy. In my mind, I kind of imagine all of these things in the form of several hourglasses. The final grains of sand are draining out of the ones related to work, and perhaps improv. My time with my current team is fading; soon I’ll be transferring to another team with a whole new set of responsibilities. In improv, my 300 foundation class is coming to an end. Following that I’ll be taking the final foundation course. Who knows where that will lead? The hourglass related to running was only flipped over a little while ago. There’s still a long way off before that one drains, but I can’t afford to let that one be ignored.

I’m just feeling a little bit uneasy at this time. I’m sure I’ll feel more at ease once everything finds a rhythm again. As it is, I feel like I’m using so much of my energy holding back. It’s sort of draining, to be honest. This summer will be exciting and exhausting all at the same time. I have to recognize that this is a necessary transition. I can’t shy away from it. I need to face it all and embrace it, willingly or otherwise.

It makes sense to me…

I wonder what it says about me that I realized this was a sushi ad as soon as he positioned himself on top of her?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQwk2Ty7yeU

Running log: 2010/06/20

Perhaps I’ve been getting cocky, you know? During my weekday runs, I’ve had the courage to push myself to go faster. They tend to be shorter and are supposed to be done at a relatively faster rate. From the beginning of this clinic, I’ve been surprising myself. I’ve been breaking personal records and churning out better and better times. I really need to be careful though. As much as I’m doing better on these short runs, they aren’t really an indication of whether my long runs will fare any better.

This morning I had a 16K run. I made sure to stick with the people toward the back of the group. Despite that, this group was still running a little bit fast. I tried to keep up, but several experienced people raised flags that we were running a bit too fast for our goals. We kept the pace though knowing that we’d eventually slow down. The weather this morning was hot and mildly humid. The sun was really beating on us pretty heavily. It’s probably no surprise, but my pace slowed down. I felt fine doing so though because these runs are meant to be slow, right? Still, there I was, right at the back once again. It’s been a while since I’ve experienced that. I suppose that it’s expected just by the fact that I’m in a whole other level of running now. So, yes, I need to stay humble and not let myself get too caught up. My key to running isn’t speed, but endurance. Can’t forget that.

The fading cook

Aaaaaaaargh! I miss cooking!

After visiting my parents and helping them to get their computer and televisions set up I went shopping for random stuff. I stopped by Quiznos and got a sandwich and chili. As I was eating the chili I kept on thinking about how my chili was pretty good as well. Really, a lot of stuff I make is good. Question is, when was the last time I really put in a lot of effort and made a proper meal? If I look back, it seems like the last big thing that I made was shepherd’s pie, and that was almost a month ago. No, boiling pasta and adding sauce doesn’t count. Steaming peas in the microwave doesn’t count. Man, cooking a big meal once a month is just unacceptable. Back when I moved here I was cooking daily. Where did that fire go? It seems like the fire has been relegated to the back-burner.

I guess if I think about it there are several factors at play here. First of all, my schedule has just been busy. With improv and running, I arrive home past 9 p.m. four days of the week. I suppose that only means that I have to make a conscious effort to do something on those other days. Secondly, monitoring my caloric intake has played a big role in changing my habits. I tend to blow all of my calories during the daylight hours leaving very little wiggle room in the evening. On a particularly off-balance day it wouldn’t be surprising for me to just eat a piece of fruit to round out my day. There’s no way chili or meatloaf would fit in, normally. To address this thing I have to do two things. I need to be more conscious about eating less during the day hours. Little snacks here and there pile up. As well, if I need to reduce the number of times I eat out for lunch. This could be addressed if I actually cooked more, I guess. Lastly, I need to work on simply burning more calories. Surely, marathon training will play its part.

For something that I really enjoy doing, it’s surprising that I’ve let my skills fade like this. Life doesn’t simply wait. If I want to bring it back into my routine, I have to make the effort. Right here I’m acknowledging there’s an issue. I’m going to address it.

A wrinkly shirt and a bit of gravy

When I was picking what I wanted to wear this morning, I was wearing my black jeans, so I knew that I wanted to pick something that would contrast against it, which mean that my dark shirts weren’t right for the moment. I ended up picking out this beige linen shirt that I’ve had for a long while. Yeah, since it’s old it’s a size or two larger. I was running late, so I made the decision to not iron it. To my eyes it didn’t look that horrible. I figured that if I tucked the shirt in properly it wouldn’t look that bad. Really, it didn’t at the time.

About midday, I stopped by the bathroom before heading out to pick up lunch. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and was kind of shocked at how sloppy I looked. The wrinkly nature of the linen shirt was more evident. The tucked-ness of the shirt was variable, which I should have expected. After all, it’s not like I was standing still. All of a sudden, I didn’t feel comfortable at all. After picking up lunch, I actually accidentally splattered a bit of gravy on the shirt. That was my cue. I actually went out to Queen St. W and went shopping for a few shirts. Time to replace a few things in my closet, right? Mexx had their whole stock on sale for half-price so I ended up getting a couple of shirts from there. As soon as I got back to office, I changed shirts and immediately I started feeling better about myself.

I’m only telling this story now because this seems to have become a common pattern for me. It’s not like I didn’t care about how I looked before, but it’s been ramped up over the past few months. There really is a lot of truth about looking good being correlated to feeling good. I’m doing so much to transform myself physically, that I might as well care about what I’m wearing too, right? It’s not like I’m becoming snobbish or obsessive, though details and fit should matter, right? If I buy correctly, both shouldn’t be an issue I have to be actively conscious about.

See. All of this came about just because of a wrinkly shirt and a bit of gravy. Geez, man.

Just the way it is

Am I really that grumpy?

Yes.

Do I really have that scowl thing going frequently?

Yes.

Am I really projecting death rays to people on a daily basis?

Yes.

Aren’t people used to all of that by now?

Yes?

GRAAAAAGH.

Two weeks left

There are two weeks left until the end of the month, which means there are two weeks left on the team that I’m on. After that point, I’m going to be moved to a different project to do something totally new. Yeah, sure, I’m excited. Still, the fear of the unknown is messing with my head. Ah, but that’s still a while from now and not what this post is about. For now I’m just sort of reflecting on how the time between now and then is going to be awkward. I’m the last full-time employee on the project, however there’s a colleague that will remain on for a few more months. He’s still going at full velocity while I’ve sort of been cruising. It makes sense because I can’t really be taking on full projects at this point. Still, the imbalance sort of results in me feeling like I’m rather useless. The client side people haven’t really been putting much pressure on me, and that’s great, but the fact that I’m now out of the loop takes some getting used to. At all that to the fact that I have no project manager. Everything just feels very loose. I’m just floating on by, know what I mean?

On some level, I kind of think that if everything were to be pulled off like a band-aid (in one swift movement) it would all be easier to deal with. However, no, this is just a slow burn that’s been going on for many months. It’s tough. My only comfort at this point is that idea that things will be over very soon. Then I’ll be dealing with the a whole new set of problems. At least it’d be a new challenge, right? Man….

Last moving experience

I had to take a day off work today to help my parents move their stuff from the house to their new condo. They’ve been packing for this day, but when I arrived at their house this morning I found them rather unprepared. They really only planned on sending the big items with the movers, and leaving the smaller things to be picked up at a later time. They made sure they had this luxury by choosing a move date mid-month, and leaving the rest of the month as a transition time. That’s all well and good, except that they still had a lot of small things lying around in and around the big things. How the heck they expected the movers to pick up the big items while they were still loaded is sort of beyond me. The whole situation reminded me of the time we all moved from North York over to Scarborough. That one move was entirely one of the worst moves ever because we were entirely unprepared. More than half of everything was unboxed. The movers were clearly frustrated and didn’t treat my parents all that well. That bad experience led me to make sure that everything I needed to move when I was moving to my condo was boxed and ready to go. That move was entirely quick and painless. For my parents’ move though, I was fearing the worst.

I didn’t want things to be in entirely bad shape, so I was scrambling all over their house to get as much as I could in order. I emptied out cabinets, and rearranged things so that the movers could have easy access. All this time, my parents didn’t seem the slightest bit concerned. Oh man, that bothered the heck out of me. What if I wasn’t there? Would they have left things as is? What if they ended up with another mover with a nasty attitude? Of course I was worried. Well, I worked my ass off right up until the movers came. To my relief, my initial assessment of the movers was a good one. They seemed like they wouldn’t take advantage of my parents, so I was comfortable leaving them alone. I drove over to my parents’ new condo and waited. God, that was a long time. I actually napped on the couch for a few hours just waiting for them to arrive. Apparently they took a long time loading up the truck. I was worried.

When the truck arrived, my father came in and told me to get ready. I got off the couch and started anticipating things. Ooh, there sure was a heck of a lot of stuff. My dad seemed to not want to let go of a lot of furniture, despite the fact that they were downsizing. My father consistently told me that he measured the big pieces of furniture and that he was sure everything would fit. There were many moments where the movers and I shared a laugh over his insistence on making things fit. There were many tight squeezes all over. In the end, yeah, things fit, but there really needs to be a lot of organization.

I’m glad that my parents are downsizing, because they really do not need a big house for themselves. They’re now empty-nesters that deserve to have a more relaxed lifestyle. I would imagine that this move will be their last, so at the very least they won’t have to go through this moving hell again. This time they were fortunate with the movers who must have had a bit of respect for these elderly folk. I know that they’ll be able to get everything organized, but it won’t be without a bit of struggle. The next two weeks will be rough, but I’m sure they’ll enjoy it. Normalcy is something off in the distance, but they’re patient and hardworking. Everything will work out; I’m sure of it.

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