It’s a sentiment echoed by a lot of people around me.
Stop worrying and just enjoy life.
Simple advice, but it seems to be something that I’m having trouble buying into. I wonder if it’s a symptom of the generation, or if it’s something specific to me, but I seem to be in a phase where things are just “Go! Go! Go!“ There are goals that I have defined somewhere in the back of my mind that I just keep running for. That’s perhaps why I had the drive to somehow acquire an OK job, a car, and a place of my own on my own schedule. I’ve had a friend tell me that I was always like this: I want it all as soon as possible. I never really thought of it that way. To be honest, I kind of felt like I was falling behind. As much as I know it’s totally foolish to do so, I can’t help but compare myself to successful people I know who’ve got a bigger and better stuff. I end up knocking myself thinking “You don’t have the talent to get to that level.” Yeah: totally destructive, right? I mean…damn. I think somewhere buried deep inside is a bit of an inferiority complex that I just can’t shake. It’s one reason why I just want to keep improving and keep doing better for myself. It’s a bit of a mess because I don’t want to be hitting milestones just because society thinks that that’s where I should be. I’m actually sure that part of it is just me trying to prove to myself that I can succeed.
All of this is a stress that’s pretty enduring. This is why the lesson of just letting go and enjoying life is an important one. I wonder, am I really so narrow-focused on this race of life that I’m not taking the time to enjoy the scenery? I think I consider my current state of being to be a little ingrained, so I don’t think I can drop it easily. How much control am I willing to let go? I’m sure there’s a happy medium somewhere in there, but I truly haven’t found it just yet. Perhaps the first step then is to stop beating myself up for every little flaw and mistake. I mean, I should continue to celebrate the victories and such, but is it such a bad thing if I let something slide? If I can’t be OK with myself after something like that, how can I expect other people to accept me, flaws and all? Lots to think about.
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