After all this time, I really do have a good sense of my limits, and when I can push myself. There is a fine line that exists between fatigue and being completely tapped out. Knowing when I still have gas in the tank is a useful bit of self-awareness. Thing is, it’s all too easy for me to just let pride get thrown into the mix, thus making my judgments a bit off.
Here I stand today (I guess lie down is more like it) having to take a rest from running due to a bit of a tough workout I had on Monday. The class on Monday started out well. I discovered that I was finally able to jump on top of a 24″ box. I was also able to increase my five rep max deadlift weight by 20 lbs. Good showing, really. Then came the nasty workout from the depths. The task was a ladder of 25 – 20 – 15 – 10 – 5. We had to complete those reps for pull ups, push ups, then broad jumps. So we had to do 25 pull ups, 25 push ups, 25 broad jumps, then 20 pull ups, 20 pushups, 20 broad jumps, and so on. Knowing that there were a shit load of pull ups to do I ended up adding an extra band to the bar to help me up. As this workout progressed, I knew that I was off. The pull ups were extraordinarily difficult that day. I’m sure the volume had something to do with it. I had to break frequently. For the broad jumps I challenged myself by picking a longer distance than I normally would. Kind of a bad mistake. My issue was that I got sloppy on a few of those jumps and landed awkwardly on my heels. I ended up jamming my left Achilles as a result. My body started compensating somehow and that ended up making my right knee ache. Immediately one of the coaches notices that I was off and told me to stop and switch to squats. I did a quick head to toe check and decided that I wanted to continue as I was. He insisted I switch, but I gave him a look that basically said that I wanted to finish what I started. I knew that in order to do so I really have to be careful with my jumps. If anything were to happen to me it would all be my fault. It’s not like the coach didn’t try to stop me, right? The whole thing was just tough. I just wanted it all to be over. I did finish, but well after everyone else.
Upon finishing I sat on one of the boxes and started lamenting to the other coach that things are just getting tougher for me. Now that I’ve inserted running back in with this, it’s all been very difficult. He pointed out that it’s likely that I just haven’t been giving myself enough time to rest between all the training I’ve been doing. This is likely true. He told me that everyone goes through slumps and periods where it’s like nothing is improving. As he talked about that I noticed a tear or two starting to fall down amidst all of the sweat. I was just visibly angry with myself. I wanted to perform somewhat well, but my body wasn’t letting me. Deep down it was frustrating, and perhaps scary to think that I was incapable of managing. He told me that I really needed to take a break to recover. Little did he know that my ankles and knees would actually require it. I really wanted to say that I was fine but it was obvious that that would have been a lie. I mean, yes, I improved in some areas, but I was really down on myself for this other component. By no means should I have been walking out of there feeling defeated, but I sort of did like an idiot. As I passed by the front office on my way out, the other coach saw me and made it a point to congratulate me. In passing he called me a warrior for having pushed through. I didn’t know how to respond so I kind of grunted uneasily. As soon as I stepped outside, I finally started letting the emotions out. As soon as I was in the confines of my car I let myself go before composing myself again for the drive home.
Yeah, yesterday was tough. I really need this time for healing myself and resting. On some level I guess I have the heart of a warrior. I will continue to push myself and work hard. I just need to take care of myself more. I know that seems to be an ongoing theme for me, but I need to keep reminding myself. It’s all too easy to lose sight of the fact that this is necessary.
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