Category Archive: birthday report

Chapter Thirty: Sustaining the Awesomeness

In the past year my meditation has been the word “examination.” Lord knows it’s done me a load of good. I’m not even talking about picking things apart for the sake of picking things apart. I’ve had to spend a fair bit of time looking at why I feel the way I do and what might be the root of any of those issues. It’s been illuminating, and really grounding. I mean, by facing these issues there really isn’t any need for me to run away. In acknowledging things, I don’t have to be stuck fighting them. This is a good thing.

So what now? Prior to turning thirty there’s really been a push to do just about everything I would have hoped for. Does that make sense? I sort of developed a culture of “why not?” That’s why I’m involved in a lot of activities that interest me. So, perhaps my meditation for this upcoming year is one about just sustaining my intensity and energy levels in all that I do. If I insist on getting involved in so much, I need to work extra hard. I won’t feel good with doing simple hack jobs with any of it. So, my new meditation will be “sustainability.” Even pressure is key. I need to stay focused!

Chapter Twenty-nine: Testing foundations

Every year I like picking out a word that will be my “meditation” for the year. Last year’s word was “elevation” and I think it fit things really well. It’s amazing how much I’ve achieved in this short time frame. So, now comes the matter of choosing the word for this year. Now, it really didn’t take me that long to choose this word, if only because after years of having “active” words it was time for something a little more inward focused. So, this year I’m choosing the word “examination.” This is rather necessary. Now that a foundation has been built and I’ve been building upward at what seems to be a frenzied pace, I need to take a moment and just test things out. I need to see if everything is stable enough. If it isn’t stable, there’s time to tear it all down and rebuild. I know, I’m sounding a little bit dramatic, but a little focus is necessary. For many people the age period of 29-31 is a mini-crisis point because it’s the gateway to adulthood. For someone unprepared, this is sort of a shocking time. I think I’m prepared, but it doesn’t hurt to brace myself, just in case.

I’ve already done a bit of a review of what I’ve been up to in the past year in yesterday’s post, so I won’t touch on it again. This year I do plan on continuing on my trajectories. Just because I’m being introspective doesn’t mean that I should reel myself in. In fact, I need to work harder, as long as I still feel like whatever path I’m on is a good one. Barring any unexpected life changes, I’m expecting more of the same. We’ll see, right?

Chapter Twenty-eight: To new heights

Last year, the keyword I used was “ignition.” It seemed appropriate at the time, but in the year that followed did I really burn as brightly as I wanted to? It’s really hard to tell. There were a lot of highs and lows throughout, and overall I’m in an interesting position. Without even discussing the possibilities lying at my feet, I have to say that to some extent I’m experiencing a slight paralysis. I don’t want to experience any regret with any decisions that I will make. So, I’m making an effort to really think things through. Nope…I don’t think it’s in my nature to really leap before I look.

So, OK, now that I’ve just turned 28 years old, what will be my keyword meditation for this year? In my mind, I feel like I’ve planted many seeds in the past year. They’ve been watered and are starting to sprout. I’m going to have to spend a good amount of time nurturing everything. Hopefully all of the growth will take me to higher places. So, with that in mind I think my keyword will be “elevation.” I’m hoping that all of the positive energy I’m trying to harness will bring me to higher and higher places.

When it comes to home life, I’ve already taken the big step of getting out there on my own. I now have my own place to retreat to, and a proper mortgage. Really, I don’t think there’s much that’s going to change in that area of my life. If there’s any change to be had, it will have to do with how I utilize this space. I’m not even talking about decor, but about how I can use this place as a springboard. I’m closer to the heart of Toronto than I ever have been before, so why haven’t I ventured downtown more often? There’s a theatre 9 stops down the subway line from me that offers improv classes. I’ve always wanted to go and try it out, so why haven’t I signed up yet? See? There’s much potential related to my location that I haven’t realized yet.

As for the career, man, things have become downright strange. Through a couple of twists of fate I’m suddenly the person on my team with the most of experience. To the people that I know that are aware of my situation, I tell them that if that’s true that means that things are screwed! On one level that’s something I say jokingly to get a laugh out of people. However, secretly, I think I really mean it. Currently, I don’t think I have the confidence to meet the new challenges that I will have to face. That being said, I have no intentions of backing down and running. I know no one who knows me will put any unreasonable expectations on me, so I will just have to hold my ground and do my best. These are some interesting times. I have no idea how the work landscape will change, but change will indeed come.

As I’ve mentioned in some recent posts, I’ve consciously been making an effort to get myself into a better state of health. In the past month, I swear, I have finally found the keys to the solution that I’ve been looking for all this time. Now it’s just a matter of keeping it up. For running, I’m now passing on what I’ve learned to other people. It’s really the least I can do to show my gratitude to the community that helped me learn to love running. I will do my best to share my enthusiasm. Soon enough though it’ll be time to try to reach for a new goal. I keep saying that I’ll start training for a full marathon in May, but will I have the courage to go ahead and do it? I have a couple of months to build up that courage.

Anyway, I guess that’s the trio of areas that I wanted to touch on in this entry. I don’t know what the year will bring, but it seems like success will depend on me having the courage to initiate or grab onto opportunities that are available but not directly in front of me. In all honesty, I guess I’m OK with that. Nothing like a little effort, right? Hopefully it will all take me to the new heights that I seem to desire.

Chapter Twenty-seven: Ready to ignite

The keyword for me for the past year has been: “preparation.” That simple word has been my meditation as I’ve prepared for the whirlwind of events that’s going to come within the next year. Hell, I’m still not ready for any of it. I’ve been making a habit of doing these “state of being” type posts every year around this time, so I’m going to continue the habit.

More after the jump!

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Chapter Twenty-six: and the gears keep turning

Heheh. Damn, I was looking at previous years’ entries, and trying to figure out the naming scheme. I wasn’t sure how old I was turning, leading to some confusion. How dorky is that? As it turns out, the magic number today is 26. I’m a little surprised–for more than a few moments I thought it was 27. Apparently I can’t add.

So, I named the entry “and the gears keep turning.” Seriously. That’s a good way to summarize the way the last year has been. I’ve been doing my duty, and life has been rewarding me in turn. At first glance, I might say that life really hasn’t changed all that much but, that’s not entirely true.

Let’s see.

I’m certainly more active that I was last year. I’m actually down 20 lbs. from this same period last year. It’s sort of freaky when I quantify it like that because the change has been really slow and gradual. So, it seems like there hasn’t been much change. I’m actually a few lbs off my interim goal. It’s kind of exciting. I’m looking forward to setting a new goal once this one is reached. In terms of activity, last year if you told me I’d be running races, I’d say you were mad. I’d probably be yelling: “Flat feet! Flat feet!” Don’t get me wrong, I’m still out of shape, however, the level of health is certainly headed in the right direction. It’s a work in progress.

Of course, there’s the condo thing; it was about time to move out. Amazingly, the push came from my father who really seemed to the most resistant to me moving. Life is full of surprises in that way. Maybe he finally saw the value and status associated with me having my own place and building equity. Anyway, I know that I won’t be moving in until I’m 27, but this building period is still exciting. The process of choosing options and upgrades is such that it triggers a sense of hope. That’s what this is: hope for the future, you know?

Career-wise, I’m finally getting settled into my role on the team. I know what I’m capable of and what my limits are. I’m finding my voice, and I’m very much willing to tell my manager what I’m feeling in terms of the job. The process of finding my voice has been so very beneficial to me. Over the past few days I’ve had numerous flashbacks to times when I should have been more vocal and not as passive as I was. Now, when I look back I kind of have to shake my head. What can you do, eh? It’s all a learning process. I wonder though whether things might change if I had a change to relive it all. Maybe? Doesn’t matter now, though. I don’t think I’ve hit a state of total confidence in my abilities and self-worth, but hey: baby steps!

Socially, I found that I’ve been reconnecting with people with whom I’ve lost contact. All this without Facebook. Hah! It’s really refreshing to have these people in my life once more. Seriously. It helps me realize that yeah, my past does matter. My past helped build the foundation of who I am today, and it just so happens that these people have laid some concrete to build that base.

Girlfriend? Eh…nope. Am I too idealistic or too independent? It was established that yes, I am…maybe. I’d be blessed to find someone that would love me and all of my neuroses, but meanwhile, I’m content as is.

So yeah, good or bad, life is what it is. All I can do is to keep doing my best in better or worse times because ultimately it’ll lead to a sort of freedom I probably can’t even comprehend right now. Sounds a little bit over-dramatic, but it’s the truth, no?

May this year bring me good fortunes in all parts of life.

Much love to everyone who’s read this far in. :cool:

Lastly:

If today is your birthday:

This year will bring a pivotal moment when you realize a storm has passed. There’s been some damage, but you also feel tremendous relief. A benign sky is striving to rebuild and improve your life.

Scorpio (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22)

The stars make it clear they want you feeling glad to be alive. You have much to accomplish before you find fulfilment and you have only just begun.

- Phil Booth

Chapter Twenty-five: Quarter Century

Oh, milestones.

I don’t think I’ve been in a totally celebratory mood today, not because I’m in a bad mood or anything, but today seemed more like any other regular day. Although, I’ll admit that I was largely restless all day. I didn’t want to be in the office at all.

This has been one hell of a year: graduation, Japan, work. The keyword for this year was “transition”, and by and large, I think the transition phase is just about over. I don’t know what the keyword for the next year will be, but if I were to guess it would probably be “progression”. I believe that good things will continue to happen to me. I also believe that even so, I’ll still find something to complain about.

Some things never change.

Monday, November 6, 2006

If today is your birthday

An insight into a delicate matter is exactly what you need � and exactly what you’ll get. You may not manage to get everything in perfect order, but you will end up feeling that, in a key area of your life, everything has been put right at last.

Scorpio (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22)

Your precarious position in a crucial area of your life will become more secure as Mars continues to travel through your sign. An exciting prospect will soon be delivered into your life.

Chapter Twenty-four: The Aftermath

Oh Lord, thanks go out to Raluca for sending me an e-card. I needed a bit of a boost after the mess that was this weekend.

This year, my birthday wasn’t as drawn out and satisfying as last year. Most people forgot, which was kind of expected, but, what can you do? I’m not going to be tooting my own horn just to get attention. Eating dim sum with Henrick was the highlight of the weekend. Although, to be honest, I really wish yesterday didn’t happen at all. I really wish I could go into detail here. I really do. However, it just wouldn’t be right. To get the scope of this big problem though, let me compare it to having the foundation of my life rocked in a way that I will probably never be the same again. As dramatic as it may sound, I feel like I was robbed of something yesterday. It will take a while before I fully grasp the scope of it all. It’s interesting. Last year, I named my birthday blog entry as if it was the start of another chapter in a book. I’m doing the same for this entry. The way it all feels is as if the end of the last chapter had some major event happen creating all this suspense and drama. The next chapter must then contain all of the details of dealing with the aftermath.

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

I slept most of today away. I’m not in a celebrating mood at all. Right now, I don’t know who I can talk to. The horoscopes for today seem oddly appropriate, so I’ll end this entry with ‘em.

Sunday, November 6, 2005

If today is your birthday

Something you really don’t want to happen seems to be happening. Problems have a way of clinging to us. But this year you’ll find a way of escaping your problems and fulfilling a special dream that was all but forgotten.

Scorpio (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22)

Never mind the burden on your back. Keep humming the marching song that’s driving you on. Keep drumming the beat of perseverance into your stride. Do not think of the past.

Birthday Boy…had a lil too much to drink…LOL

Bittersweet_Moments’s Xanga Site

Hahah. Raien posted a pic of me on her Xanga site writing about my birthday weekend.

Birthday Boy...had a lil too much to drink...LOL

So silly.

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