citizen of the planet

In continuing with the whole communication thing I’ve had going over the past while, today I gave a small speech to a 5K clinic at my usual Running Room.  About a month or two ago, the guy currently running the clinic asked me if I was available to give a talk.  See, he was once part of my half marathon clinic back when I was coaching it.  I guess I left a good impression on him if he actually sought me out.  In the past, I’ve given talks on the topic of motivation before.  That topic felt easy, if only because the easiest way for me to cover that topic was just to give an outline of my running history, which I think is fairly inspirational.  It’s not like I’ve had to overcome tough obstacles like cancer or blindness, but the whole averageness of my journey makes me easy to relate to.  At least, that’s how I’d like to think about it.  So yeah, that’s what I’m used to talking about.  Instead though, I was asked to give the talk on goal setting.

Whaaaaa?

I’ve seen this talk given before by a few people.  It’s a fairly straightforward topic.  There are a lot of basic ideas to convey.  For my speech, since I was somewhat comfortable talking about my journey, I decided to talk about goal setting as seen through my experiences.  I brought in a few of my medals to help carry the ideas along.  I actually spent some time jotting down points that I should cover.  Each talking point had a story attached.  In my head, the talk was going to go over wonderfully.  Truthfully, I should have practiced, but there was just no time.  I figured that if I talked from the heart that I’d be able to wing it.

Well…

I’m sure if I asked people that I knew that saw the speech, they’d probably tell me that it was just fine.  I got that much from one of the staff that knows me.  Personally, I kind of feel like I was rambling and scatter-brained.  I’m not sure anyone came out with a better idea of how to set goals.  Perhaps I’m being far too hard on myself (as usual).  I’m sure there have been worse speakers out there.  I’m sure there have been better ones.  I wonder how many of the better ones are actual speakers though.

I think this is just another example of just how I need to lighten up and not apply so much pressure to myself to perform perfectly every single time.  I didn’t kill anyone, and I didn’t make a horrible fool of myself.  I did what I could do.  Time to move on.

So, like I said last night, I am deeming my dinner party to be a success.  I chose to go the tougher route and cook/acquire most of the food on my own instead of relying on my guests.  I am so happy that I took that route.  Sure, some items could have used some improvement, but I don’t think I embarrassed myself at all.

For snacks prior to dinner, I set out three things.  The first was just chips and salsa.  I put out two types of chips with salsa to give a bit of interest.  I liked the square angle dishes I used for it with the contrasting colours.  The second was toasted pita chip triangles with hummus.  I toasted them myself with olive oil and salt and pepper.  To be honest, I don’t think this one was all that great.  The pitas I used were sort of thick and didn’t lend themselves well to this application.  I was hoping to serve this one freshly toasted, but I prepared it a bit too early.  I ended up putting it in the warming drawer while waiting.  I think that made them a bit tougher instead of crispy.  Next time I can improve that one for sure.  The third thing is the fruit platter.  I figured that I needed something fresher to go with the starchy things.

In terms of main courses, there were two items.  The first was a vegetable lasagna.  I don’t think it was that bad, but it could have been a lot greater if I timed it better such that it came out of the oven closer to meal time.  Plus, I think I could have put more cheese on top.  The second item was prime rib pot roast.  Now, this turned out better than I thought.  I braised the meat in broth, onion soup mix, red wine, and some frozen Mediterranean veggie mix.  I let it stew for about 3 hours.  The resulting roast was really soft.  I was totally pleased with the result.  I really need to do this again on Saturday.  It’s too bad that the only picture I got of it was blurry.

For dessert, I used a caramel crème brûlée recipe.  Really, this is the type of thing that should be prepared the night before.  Unfortunately, I only got it started at noon.  It didn’t provide enough time for the custard to really cool down significantly.  Also, without a blowtorch I had to use my oven’s broiler to get the caramelized top.  That probably contributed to the custard being warmer than I wanted.  Next time, I need to get this dessert started early, and I need to acquire a torch.  In terms of taste, I thought it was great.  Just needs some tweaks to kick this thing up to the next level.

All in all, I did a passable job.  Combining all of this with salad, garlic bread, cookies, and 1.5 bottles of red wine (for me) and I ended up really stuffed.  And that’s why I didn’t run this morning.  Yes, I’m comfortable with that decision.  Anyway, next time I’ll work even harder.  Got to hone the skills!

Yeah, so the dinner party seems to have been a success!  Everyone enjoyed themselves.  I succumbed to gluttony though.  Condition is currently such that I won’t be able to run tomorrow morning; there’s simply too much food in my system to run efficiently at all.  I’ll tell y’all about the food tomorrow.

This ended up as a day where I had a chance to catch up with two people that I hadn’t seen in years.  I saw one of them over lunch, and the other over dinner.  It really is interesting how meals are great at bringing people together, right?  So, I was just thinking that the younger version of me would have been fretting over whether I’ve done enough since the last time we saw each other.  I mean, am I at the right place career-wise?  Have I travelled anywhere exciting?  Am I doing enough in my spare time?  Am I dating someone?  On some level, I believed I would be judged by just how far I’d gotten, and I would have wanted to the other party to look down on me.

Of course, all of that is silly, isn’t it?

Thankfully, this time around I was a lot more relaxed and forgiving of myself.  I was genuinely interested in hearing about what they’ve been up to, and they were interested in what I’ve been up to.  I may not be at the top of my game in all spheres of life, but that doesn’t matter at all; these people are interested in me and not my “status.”  It’s amazing how liberating that thought is.

Once in a while, all you need is a really close friend to listen to your thoughts, worries and insecurities.  After all that, having them tell you that you’re completely normal is enough to alleviate any self-inflicted pressure.

It’s come up a couple of times in the past few days, so I figure I’d try ruminating about this topic out loud.  It’s not one I generally write about, but I thought I’d give it a shot.  It seems that after all this time I’m perhaps not all that sure about what I want in a woman.  Sure, there are a good number of qualities in mind, but it’s all still kind of a jumble.  Perhaps that’s sort of contributing to the fact that I haven’t found anyone.  Well, that, and the fact that I haven’t even put in a good effort.  You know what?  I’m fine with that fact.  As of this moment, I’m quite fine on my own.  All the same, I might as well put this out there.

What am I looking for?

I want someone that I can treat as an equal.
I’m looking for someone that has an opinion and understands the need for give and take.
I want someone that has her act together sufficiently (whatever that means), or is at least goal oriented.
I want someone that was a lot of wit, but isn’t above occasional toilet humour.
I’m looking for a certain level of sophistication.
I want someone that likes good things, but also understands how to manage money properly.
I want someone that’s adaptable that understands how to act in varying situations.
I wish for someone sensitive, yet firm when needed.
I want someone that’s well-read and can talk about arcane topics on occasion.
I’m looking for someone that digs adventure, but understands the need to be a homebody.
I’m looking for someone that understands the need for light sides and dark sides.
I want someone that knows how to encourage me without being patronizing.
I wish for someone that can stun me when dressed up for a special occasion.
I want someone that is detail-oriented and conscientious of others.
I want someone that recognizes my untapped potential knows how to get me to be the best that I can be.  I would like to do the same for her.

Too many conditions?  I don’t know.  I think this just means that I have a clear image in terms of personality.

Ooooooh, God help me.

I was visiting a friend last night, and in the process of downing two bottles of red wine and watching the movie Lesbian Vampire Killers (I shit you not) we started reflecting on what life was like back in high school.  We’ve had this conversation so many times before, and yet, each time we do it seems like I somehow manage to find more and more insight into how I perceive those years.  It’s become abundantly clear that my perception of myself from back then is a lot different from reality.  My friend keeps reminding me that when I look back on those years I really have to look at it more objectively.  I know it’s a totally human thing to do, but any analysis I do on that time is far too tainted by my emotions and memories of various hurts.

I really need to work on separating myself and figuring out what my motives for what I was doing, or what I was feeling were back then.  For that matter, from a distance I should be looking at what motives other people had to treat me positively or negatively.  There really does seem to be a difference in how I remember things and how they probably really were.  I wonder why that’s the case.  Perhaps I’m trying to mentally rewrite history just to explain why I am who I am.  No clue…

You know, on a normal day when I’d coe home late I’md probably try ot go home using th ebus but frankly I just really had to pee so I ended up stumbling home anyway.  If I were t wait for the bus I’m sure that it would have taken a hal hour anyway.  So…post improv class the teacher suggested that we haead to the bar down the road just to socialize and all.  A lot of people were going so I suppose that I caevd to the peer pressure.  Perhaps my saving grace was the fact that I only had a $20 bill in my pocket.  With that and a couple of coins I was able to keep it to three drinks.  The only problem was that I was actually onlyt drinking on an empty stomach.  Of course that meant that things would hit harder than they normally would.  Hence the state of thi entry.  It’s so odd.  I’t's lik I know these mistakes are happening but I’m sort of in no moon to correct them at all.  Anyway, I decided to just relax anwyay because I hve the day off tomorrow.  I think I only reallye intended on having maye one drink just to be social with the class but  ended up jsut spending the balance of my $20.  I really don’t want to end up with a hangover tomorrow, so I fugre I better drink some morewater to hydrate myself.  Of course, the last time I tried top myself off intentionally the results were less than stellatr.  Hah. Luckily I didn’t drink enough to tget to that point.  Seriously.  I know my limits: there’s no reason to even get to that point.  Hahah.  See, I even used a grammatically correct colon, so  have some of my senses intact.

Braaaaaaaagh.  I’ma die tomroww.