Continue reading »]]> On Saturday I was downtown celebrating a friend’s birthday. She had decided that as part of her celebration we would all go for swing dance lessons. Hoo boy. Well, I gamely joined in. The room was large, and attendance was heavy. We we split into leaders and followers. Eventually we were paired up. For each move we shown were asked to practice that move with our partner. They moved through each move way too fast. I was stumbling through some of them, and as the person leading that often prove disastrous. After every move the followers shifted down so we all got new partners frequently. With things moving quickly, even if I hadn’t picked up a move we had to move on. Unfortunately, the following movements built on the previous ones. The ballroom was also rather hot meaning that I was sweating like mad. Between movements I had to wipe myself down to get back to a presentable state. Wow. In terms of first impressions that’s pretty bad. Think: bad sweaty dancer. Blargh.

When all movements were shown we were expected to pull it all together. I was able to eke something out, but it wasn’t great. It seemed like most partners I got had at least some experience, making me feel like more and more of an idiot. Well, after the lesson, finally the lights came down and the jazz band started. The band came from New York City. They were wonderful. We were told that there were a few people among the dancers who were more experienced and would be able for partnering for practice. I eventually had a chance to practice with the music. I clumsily pulled the routine out. It wasn’t graceful at all. The partner innocently asked me “Were you partner with people that didn’t know what they were doing?” I replied “No, that’s all me.” Thanks. I’m willing to take the blame for me own lack of skill. And from that…I stopped dancing for the night.

Slammed.

Continue reading »]]> I really should have started writing this post a few days ago, but I didn’t feel like forcing myself to do it. The words weren’t flowing. Well, here I am on the final day of the year and I really need to get these words out. This year, 2011, was a bit of a harder one than the last. I remember declaring somewhere that it would be a year of buckling down and riding out tougher times. I was right. That’s not to say that this was a bad year for me. I’m just likely to label it as a challenging one. Did I rise to the challenges thrown at me? I think I did.

Anyway, enough blabber. In depth text follows…after the jump!

January

When I read back through the posts I wrote during this month, nothing really stood out to me. On the surface it seemed to be a status quo month for me. I was coaching the half marathon clinic back then, and that was good. I was also taking an improv class back then, and that was good as well. I do remember the one instance of throwing my boot at a teacher. Thing is, there was an undercurrent of stuff happening that I didn’t write about, except in a cryptic post or two. Basically, I was on the hunt for a new job at the time. I had had enough of the job at my old workplace and figured that staying stagnant was serving no one. Of course, I didn’t want to announce it or make a big deal of the hunt at the time, hence the weird posts.

February

This was an interesting month for me. Geez, I was a bit of a basket case. At the beginning of the month I gave my two-week’s-notice to my previous employer. My interview had gone well and the new company wanted me. Things happened really quickly. During the period where I was wrapping things up I was feeling odd. And after my last day I was actually feeling blue. It’s hard ending 4.5 years of service just like that, isn’t it? Luckily I had my improv classes going to distract me.

It was during this month that I had the final class show for the series of short form classes that I was taking. I also had the final class show for the beated script class that I was taking. I remember both class shows as being awesome. It’s so strange feeling the kind of energy you do up on stage. The audience is there, watching, and taking in every moment. Crazy!

March

March brought me to the end of another half marathon clinic. The race in Burlington was cold and wet, but it was great. It was the first half for many clinic members of mine, and I remember feeling immense pride at bringing them across the finish line. It didn’t matter that I almost got into a crash on the drive in. Pff.

I also started my new job this month. I think immediately I felt like I was fitting in well enough. At the time we also had visitors in from the UK so we were eating out constantly. The side effects were unfortunate, but regardless I felt like we were all getting along just fine. Anything would have been better than where I was before in terms of my mental state on the job. Uh huh.

April

Back in March, for kicks I participated in a small short film project for a friend. After a day of taping we left it all to him for processing. It was our goal to submit it to a small competition to see if we could win a prize. Well, when the event rolled around in April we actually won. Sure, the audience was sort of stacked with the director’s friends but all the same it was still fun to have it recognized. Besides that, improv classes continued on. I was taking a musical class at that point and that was challenging me in ways I didn’t expect. Taking a class like that is a good way to get over nervousness. I learned that ultimately it’s worth it to take a chance because even of people see me fall flat onto my ass it’s not the end of the world.

May

Hmm…I think this month is even more status quo. I see a lot of posts about overeating. I think during that month I hadn’t run for about two months and it was starting to affect me weight wise. It was a rough period, for sure. Ugh, and I see that there was a post about the side-effects of being backed up for days. Oh man, that was HORRIBLE. Resolution should not have taken as long as it did. Damn.

I continued to bake a lot that month, including these Irish cream glazed shortbread cookies. This seems to be the month where my friend convinced me to take the baking course at George Brown. I wasn’t sure at the time, but at least the seed was planted. And why not, right? Might as well get proper training for something I like doing.

June

Yet another class show took place this month. This one was for the second beated scene class I took. It was a mafia-themed show and I played a well-intentioned butcher that was caught up in this world. The costume involved me wearing an apron over a tank top. Seemed like I looked the part. Sure, why not? Overall it was a fun show and I enjoyed playing the role immensely.

That same night I had another gig across town. So right after the show I had to pack up me gear and take the subway out to the east end. All of the students from the short form class that I was with had banded together to for a troupe. We wanted to continue playing with each other and put on shows to keep our skills up. It so happened that that was the night of our first booked gig that featured our new gameplay format. It was a success. This format has stayed with us right through until the end of the year.

Ah, and if I wasn’t busy enough June also marked the start of another coaching cycle for me. This was a big group, and it was the first time I coached the half marathon group through the summer. Interesting times.

July

Our improv group was able to find a small theatre location down in a trendy part of town that allowed us to put on shows. In July we put on our first show at that location. It was a big success. It was enjoyable for all of us involved. We were all proud to be doing it on our own terms. We knew that we had something good going so we all have been working hard since to keep the momentum.

 August

In August I attended my first ever wedding as an adult guest. This was a rather big moment for me for the obvious reason. It was also a chance for me to really gauge my ability to handle social situations. To my relief I seem to have handled myself really well. It was a beautiful ceremony, for sure.

Coaching continued. I gave a lot of the talks during that month. I learned that I always need to prepare. Winging speeches is not something that should be done–especially if people have paid proper money be part of the clinic, know what I mean? All the same, I think my honest and open approach to coaching has saved my behind more than once. Uh huh.

September

My baking class at George Brown started this month. That meant that I always had a surplus of baked goods on hand. It doesn’t mean though that I stopped baking at home. I still baked a lot of great things, which included this cake. I was asked to make a surprise cake, and I sort of went all out. This was my first time making a fondant cake and I amazed myself. This was a crazy undertaking. I was proud of these results.

In September I participated in the taping of another short film for that same friend. My role involved me being creepy and wearing weird facial hair. We taped it in the heart of Toronto, so there was a lot of interference, but it was still enjoyable. All in all we really only got one scene taped that day, but at least my part was done. Up until now, the film isn’t done. With winter here, the remaining scenes won’t get taped for a while.

October

Oh wow, so October was a huge month for me in terms of beginnings. The big thing for me was really my introduction to CrossFit. My friends from Michigan had been doing CrossFit for a while and and they were adamant that it would be a good match for my personality. At the same time, my manager told me that he was signing up for the CrossFit bootcamp program at his local box. With influence from those two sources, I signed up for the bootcamp at my box. That month was a tough one, but so rewarding–so much so that I signed for a membership. Amazing stuff, really.

This month was also the end of the summer half marathon clinic. The clinic culminated in a race along the Toronto waterfront. Again, I was so proud to have so many people new to the half marathon cross the finish line. I was also immensely proud to have attained a new personal best.

November

So…this year I turned 30. Do I feel any different? No…though perhaps I feel like I’m free of any of the shackles associated with the label of being a 20-something. Sound odd? It should–I haven’t figure it out myself.

My baking class was in full swing in November. We were producing some genuinely amazing stuff, including this black forest cake pictured here. Sure, it looks cool, but if people only knew: it wasn’t entirely difficult to piece together. There’s a procedure and all, so really the hard part if just following instructions. That’s basically how the whole class was, really.

I got to test out my progress from the bootcamp this month, too. After one month of hard work I repeated a benchmark workout that we had done at the start of the bootcamp. When I repeated it I had cut my time in half. I swear, it was like I was possessed. I knew I was on the right path. That’s why I’m still doing CrossFit today.

December

And that brings me to this month. We had one improv gig this month. We had originally planned to do a Christmas themed show but due to commitments we weren’t able to get that show off the ground. Since we already had the venue booked we decided to spread the burden of performing for the whole 2 hours by inviting other groups to perform. We offered slices of time in the theatre. That night, three other groups got time. As a result, that night was relatively stress-free for us. We enjoyed ourselves thoroughly.

So there you go. That was my 2011 in condensed form. If I could summarize it all up: 2011 had many improv gigs, much bitching about weight, a lot of coaching people to succeed in big endeavours, and a fair bit of packing on muscle. I hope that 2012 will bring more success and further transformation into who I am meant to be.

Continue reading »]]> About a year ago I wouldn’t have imagined that I’d be invited over to a friend’s place to celebrate Thanksgiving. I know, I know it seems like an odd thing to get all reflective about but it’s sort of new to me. Thanksgiving has always been a family thing for me, and even then it’s more of a case of “Oh…I guess we should do something, right?” Over the past year I’ve met so many people through my improv classes and through my running activities. There have been a lot of new valuable connections made. It just so happens that one of the people that I met holds a big Thanksgiving bash at her place for a lot of friends. What am I thankful for this year? I am thankful for the fact that I am expanding my social circle. I am thankful that my presence is wanted. I am thankful that I have a chance to be thankful in a different venue.

There’s a lot of good going on. I have to stay honest and keep working hard, or else who knows?

Continue reading »]]> Everyone’s got a drive to make other people happy. In my head, this is because everyone’s got a strong desire for connection. For me, I’ve tied this up with some of my baking adventures. It’s sort of a natural fit, right? Good baked goods make people happy. That’s all well and good, but I have to be cautious. I don’t want to put so much stress on myself such that I’m driving myself into the ground when I not sure whether what I made is good. This is especially true for stuff that I haven’t tried before. Will it turn out right? Is it actually tasty? Will people eat it? Will people like it? Why did I promise something that isn’t a sure bet??? All of these questions are enough to make me nutty. And yet, I continue to do what I do. Why? I trust my skills. I know that more often than not I’ll end up with something great. So here I am, continuing to plug away.

Continue reading »]]> Today, after work, I decided that I wanted pho for dinner. I hadn’t been to the Vietnamese restaurant down the street from my place in a few months so I decided that it’d be a good time to head back. In my yearning to be social I ended asking an improv friend whether she wanted to join. I’m glad that she agreed. After we ate we decided to carry on our conversations at a bar nearby. So, really, that was my evening. I kind of find it interesting that I knew that there was someone close by that I could call up just to hang out. I mean, I haven’t had such close access to social fulfillment since maybe university. For now visiting my closest friends take a bit of time and coordination because they live a bit of a distance away. So knowing someone that’s in the area is a bit of a bonus. I guess it’s a matter of me having expanded my social circles. I need a good variety of people in my life with varying degrees of closeness. I think having this range is helping me realize what one of my friend told me long ago. She told me that despite what I say about me being introverted I’m actually quite outgoing. I never understood that before, or why she seemed so emphatic when she insisted so. Well…I get it. I see what it means to need other people to draw energy from them. Heh. Go figure. After all this time I’m still discovering things about myself.

Continue reading »]]> I have to make a small admission here. Yesterday’s wedding was the first one I’ve been to as an adult. Seems like some people are always going to weddings every other weekend during the summer. It’s just not the case for me. Most of my friends are unmarried. Some got married at some far-flung destination. Hmm…or maybe I’m just not that popular. Heh. No matter. I was more than happy to have been invited yesterday. As you read yesterday, I arrived a bit late. When I arrived at the venue I had to run around the basement looking for the room in question. The place is known for weddings because it’s so beautiful, and at the time there were two other ceremonies going on. By chance I ran into the bride. I was glad to see her! So beautiful. I realized that things had already started. I was about to rush in, but was stopped. That’s when I realized…DUH. I waited for the bride to enter, and that’s when I was let in. Can you imagine that faux pas? Geez. The ceremony was beautiful. I could feel the presence of a lot of warmth and love in the room. I was on the verge of having an emo breakdown; I had to keep myself in check.

When it ended we all filed out. I was looking at the crowd and immediately my introverted instincts started kicking in. I decided to duck right out and head for the hotel. From there, I had about an hour to myself to prep for the reception. I had to make a decision. The couple had chartered a double decker bus as a shuttle from the hotel to the reception venue. If I took it, I would be “trapped” at the venue until about midnight. If I drove in, I’d be able to leave at will, but wouldn’t be able to enjoy the open bar. In the end I took the shuttle to prove to myself that I’m capable of being social. When we arrived at the venue, wow, I was awed at how beautiful the place was. I was able to link up with one other person that I went to university with. From him, I was able to meet some of his and the groom’s soccer teammates and their wives. Conversation flowed easily. I know very well that I’m a social animal. I just need to get over my fear of not being accepted. Over dinner I sat with some other people and again my friendly nature made conversing easy. Although…honestly…I’m sure the alcohol helped make things a little easier. I drank a fair number of gin and tonics. There wasn’t any point where I felt out of place. Compare and contrast that with my experience at my graduation ball. It could be an effect of my maturing. It might also be the case that at the wedding we all had a common interest in celebrating the new couple. Whatever the case, despite worrying about it I was able to function awesomely. Progress, this is!

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At around noon I was about to leave my place to head for church. A peeked out of my door’s peephole and spotted someone waiting by the elevator. I decided to wait until she got on before I headed out. When I closed my door, I was surprised to see that the elevator door was malfunctioning. I had experienced something similar earlier in the day when I left for run club. The elevator door had closed, then reopened on its own. It was silly, but I figured it was just a one time thing. Apparently not. The door was opening and closing for the woman several times. I got on hit the close button. The door finally closed. Turns out the woman was an older Filipino mother. She had grey hair and was pretty innocuous. I guess she recognized that I was Filipino as well so she asked if I was headed for church. I responded in Filipino in polite language. I guess she sensed that I was a good guy with the polite language, and with the missal in hand. She asked if I was headed for the nearby church. I said that I was. Out of the blue she asked if she could get a ride over. She was planning on walking, but she decided to ask. It all happened so fast, and I figured that she was harmless, so I agreed. As we walked over to my car she asked about my family and what provinces they were from. Apparently she had two kids that were about my age. Just like me, they could understand Filipino but weren’t adept at speaking it. Anyway, by the time I parked at the church I felt that I trusted her. She was too much like my own mother. In the end, I made a new acquaintance. She was very thankful for me helping her.

I know. I have a trusting nature. It’s the type of thing that can get taken advantage of. All the same, I feel like I can trust my judgement. I would like to think that I can tell if someone’s up to no good, you know? Besides, she was making as much of a judgement call on me as I was about her. Maybe it indicates that I have a general sense of faith that not everyone is out to destroy me. This is a good thing.

Continue reading »]]> After all this time, I still have trouble accepting compliments. This was pointed out to me by an old colleague a while ago, and really I’ve been making efforts to change (sort of), but so far I’m still a bit leery whenever someone says something positive about how I look. Why am I thinking about this now? Today my improv teacher said I was looking good. I had to take a moment to examine the words in my head. I guess over-examine is more like it. Was there an edge of sarcasm? Was it disingenuous? I didn’t sense anything odd about it, so I awkwardly accepted it and said thanks.

Why not just take it gladly? Why seem ungrateful? Do I have such an opinion of myself that I can’t accept that I can be seen positively? Eff that. Seriously. I have to accept that I’m worthwhile, know what I mean? Otherwise I’m just going to end up wasting precious brain cycles on things that don’t need the attention.

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Bring snacks

That was the directive given. I was invited to a small get together and I figured that it was a good excuse to bake. I took the same recipe that I’ve used in the past (like with the lemon shortbread) but instead of rolling it out and using a cutter I made many uniform balls of dough then flattened them out slightly. That resulted in cookies that were more mound-like than flat. They look rather great. I’m on the fence as to whether or not I’m going to glaze them, but if I do I’m going to go with a Bailey’s based frosting. Honestly, whether or not I go that extra step doesn’t matter. This will go better than the last time I tried to bring food to a get together. More than anything, I’m just happy to work my baking skills again. It just feels right.