Just need to keep reminding myself: if it was easy, then everyone would be doing it. I’m on this path for a reason.
Category Archive: was just thinking…
Excelling at solitude
I was just thinking, I’m good at being alone. I don’t shy away from having a night to myself to catch up on my thoughts. All the same…it’s nice to know that people are thinking of me once in a while, right?
Terrible alcoholic
Was just thinking, I make a terrible alcoholic. I was feeling particularly down earlier so on a whim I brought a bottle of red wine to my bed room with full intention of drinking it all and drowning my sorrows. I had about one glass before I gave up.
Not meant to be.
Driven through emotion
I know I’ve written in the past about a lot of the different masks I wear. Depending on the arena, my weapons-of-choice vary. As a coach I’m still Mr. Positivity. I want to make sure everyone is able to reach their goals, and I find that keeping a positive attitude seems to generate better feedback. In improv I’m Mr. Outgoing. I have a presence. My characters tend to be imposing and slightly larger than life. My improv teacher recently told me that I’m the type of person that isn’t afraid to let my id be exposed. I would agree. In my private time I tend to swing to the opposites of these two points. I become a brooding introvert that wants to block everything out. Sure, there are many variations in between the extremes, but I have a tendency to take things to the edge. Why not, right? In my opinion though, that does not make me bipolar. In some odd way it’s all very controlled. How much of it is the real me though? All of it, no?
It’s all very genuine and from the heart. Everything I do is driven through emotion. I have perfectly capable creative, rational, and practical minds, and obviously a lot of what I do is coloured by them, but ultimately the emotional self tends to have the last say. It’s certainly not a bad thing: it’s just who I am. I’m not saying I’m unique in this manner. I’m just speaking to what I know best, right?
Beneficial feedback loops
To be surrounded by so many talented people is a blessing. I’m able to pick up inspiration and ideas from so many sources such that my life is enriched. And I feel like I’m able to do the same. It’s all almost like some awesome feedback loop where everyone benefits. I can only hope that other people feel the same way about me whenever they end up having to collaborate with me.
Here’s to no drama
A little earlier this evening my mom gave me a call. She asked how I was doing and I said I was fine. She then asked whether I had news of any sort. It’s not so much that she was fishing for something specific, but more of a simple general question. I sighed loudly and told her that I didn’t have anything new. I said that I live a quiet life. Kind of non-plussed we left the conversation at that. It got me thinking at how I’ve been living what I’d call a low key life. And that got me thinking even more…can even say that that’s true? Between coaching, improv, and the job change I’ve got a lot going on. Spike that with random social outings and things aren’t that boring. Thursday night I hung out with colleagues at happy hour. This was followed by going to a random poetry slam in Kensington Market. Earlier I was about to call it a night before a friend posted on Twitter asking if anyone wanted to head out for a beer and some spinach dip. On a whim I said I’d head out. So I got up from under my warm duvet and headed for a restaurant.
So no, life is not that boring at all. I wasn’t sure how to categorize any of it or phrase what my issue is until I got a tweet from a friend:
@jnery You know the Chinese Curse - May you live in interesting times. Your life has lotsa fun activities but no drama-rama. Is that so bad?
@MagdalenaBB
Magdalena B
Well there you go. I think the fact that there’s a lack of drama is a blessing. I can live my life without fretting about things out of my control. I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing and continue to work my ass off. Sounds good.
On the sleeve
Yes, I know, I wear my emotions on my sleeve. There are a lot of times I don’t even know what kind of thing I’m projecting on my face. This becomes problematic when I use this frustrated expression, and it lingers during interactions with other people. There’s a good chance that those people won’t know if the irritation is directed at them or not. And that can lead to various misunderstandings. Sometimes I actually have to tell people, “No, I’m not scowling at you…I was just frustrated earlier.” Most of the time people buy it. On the odd chance they don’t…well…don’t you know me by now?
*shrug*
True escape?
My condo is a disaster zone.
Escaping to the parents’ place for the holiday.
Oh…but is that really an escape?
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