Category Archive: weird dreams

Compassion and the mugger

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Thu. April 1, 2010

A few days ago I had a dream that left me wondering what the underlying message was. Dreams are such a product of a mishmash of subconscious scraps such that the resulting narrative is often bizarre and has no real moral. This would have been another one of those dreams, except that there seemed to be a fleshed out story. In the end it’s possible that there truly is nothing that my subconscious is trying to tell me, but it’s worth having a look anyway.

So, this dream takes place in the evening. The sun must have been low to the horizon because daylight was fading. The sun wasn’t really shining in my face though–it was likely hidden behind buildings. The sky was a dimming blue: twilight was upon us. I was walking along a road that didn’t have a sidewalk. There was a park to my left, and a row of average middle class houses to the right. I was with two of my friends and we were heading over to a subway station. What I was wearing stuck out to me because there are two distinct pieces that are in my daily rotation: the grey spring jacket with a bit of military detailing, and the black textured flat cap. You can see the look over in this older blog post. I think I wasn’t feeling too confident where we were walking, so I think I did my best to project a confident assertive walk. As I walked ahead, I passed an old brown Oldsmobile on the left parked on the side. As I did, this guy came and approached the three of us. He directed his gaze at me in particular though. He pulled out a knife with an 8 inch blade. I calmly ordered “step aside.” I assumed that he wanted me to walk over to the park area so he could mug me, or something. In a moment of stupidity, I refused and started to continue walking to the station. He took the knife and sliced my jacket right along the right sleeve from about mid-forearm to mid-bicep. The knife didn’t cut into me, but my shirt and jacket were sliced.

When that happened, I felt my body go into a bit of shock. Holy crap: my life was being threatened by some guy. I was frozen. Just then, one of my friends dove and shoved the guy away from me. He wrestled the guy and somehow managed to get him to drop the knife. The other friend body checked the mugger and the mugger fell to the ground. That’s when I snapped out of my stupor. I thought, “How dare this guy get my friends involved.” It was at that point I started pummelling the guy in the head. He was already on the ground and not in a position to fight back. That didn’t stop me from taking my anger out on him though. Soon he was entirely bloody and passed out on the concrete. Shocked at what the hell happened, I just sat next to him wondering what the hell to do next. There was a suggestion to just run, but I stood my ground. I ended up calling the police to come to the scene. In my mind I knew that I could plead self-defence since he was the one that got me with a knife first.

Now at this point the dream seemed to skip a big chunk of time. My next memory is of my being in a warmly lit hospital room. Usually hospital rooms have cold white fluorescent light, right? No, this room was decidedly warmer. I was sitting in a chair, still wearing my cut up shirt and jacket, looking at the mugger who was completely bandaged up and unconscious. I wasn’t looking at him with contempt but looking at him with concern. It was at this point that I woke up.

As I re-entered the waking world, my first thought was definitely, “what the hell was that about?” When I was up and mobile, I actually walked over to my grey jacket to make sure that it was still intact. Obviously, it was, but I just needed to be sure. The whole dream sequence left me a tiny bit shaken. Is that what it’s like to be threatened? Am I emotionally capable of beating someone up like that? It’s fascinating how the dream seemed to have a real message of compassion to it. Frankly, in the real world I don’t think I’d feel that much compassion for someone that would put me through such trouble. Maybe the dream is telling me that I would. Why would I have such a strong dream? Why now? What’s so special about this time? So many questions, but so many of them will have to remain unanswered.

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Collapsing skyline

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Mon. July 6, 2009

You know you’ve reached a weird level with Twitter when it somehow manages to creep into your dreams. Yeah, I wish I could say I was joking about that, but I’m not. So, prior to waking up for my Sunday morning run, I had a strange dream. In it, I was at a vantage point that must have been from the Toronto islands or something. You see, I had a clear view of the Toronto skyline. It was early in the morning. I don’t remember the context of the events, but all of a sudden buildings started collapsing. All I could do was watch and react with a great deal of shock. I actually felt like I was watching it on a screen or something. All of a sudden, the CN Tower crumbled. It snapped in half from the middle, and the spire just fell down crushing a large amount of people on the ground and killing whoever was still in the observation decks. I was just screaming at how unbelievable the situation was. I was shaking and in so much shock, but somehow had the clarity of mind to tweet about it. I ended up producing something like this:

sampletweet

And that’s when I woke up. The sunlight was piercing through the blinds. From my alarm clock I could see that it was around 5:45 in the morning. As I lay in bed trying to process what I’d just dreamt, I was just feeling really uneasy. Part of me had an urge to pop onto the laptop to make sure that I didn’t actually post a tweet like that. Yes, I knew it was unlikely, but part of me feared that I might have actually had the energy to get up and write about it. That part of the dream was the only part believable, really.

No, I didn’t really write on Twitter about the tower collapsing.

Seeing the buildings collapse was creepy. I mean, automatically, my mind sort of draws some mild similarities to the incident in September 2001. Back then I was working at General Electric, and we were all gathered in front of a TV screen. It was completely unreal watching the buildings collapse. It honestly took my breath away. That’s the feeling that was carried through in this dream. There was just an unreal quality to it making it feel like I was watching a movie of sorts. That feeling was followed by an immense sadness.

I’m trying to analyze what it all means, and really all I can think about is how I’m likely just completely disappointed in the state of Toronto these days. I don’t want to get political in any way (really, I don’t), but there’s a lot that just makes me scratch my head. The whole strike situation is rather embarrassing, isn’t it? I suppose the collapsing of the skyline in my dream might be an indicator of how the ideal images I have of the big city are collapsing. Makes sense, no?

Anyway, I must say that I’m not a big an of dreams that leave me feeling uneasy when I wake up. I guess, really, who would be? In those cases I honestly feel like my emotions were put through the wringer. In the end, I just wake up feeling exhausted. I suppose over-analyzing right now isn’t going to help me any. I should get some sleep, but I really hope that I won’t dream up something that strange any time soon.

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Dreaming of the end

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Mon. March 30, 2009

It’s been a while since I’ve had a dream that I can remember. Usually, they’re really vivid: packed with small details that seem to paint an interesting picture. So, when I have a dream that’s relatively simple and to the point it worries me. It’s not that I believe that the dream is more likely to come true. My worry comes more from the fact that it feels like the point that my subconscious is trying to get across is just there. Usually I expect the messages to be shrouded and wrapped in multiple enigmas.

Anyway, what am I going on about? This past Saturday night I had a dream that I was basically fired from my current job by an old PM who had left a long while ago. I could sense there was a lot of confusion over the firing. There was some conversation beforehand, with me plainly wondering where I’d gone wrong. I don’t remember what the responses were, though I know I was getting worked up and upset. Even in my sleep state, I could feel the chemicals due to the generated emotions running through my body. I remember giving an ultimatum of sorts. I asked “well what…do you want me to come back tomorrow or should I just not show up?” With a stern look and a hint of regret, he nodded and said “you’re not to show up tomorrow.” I felt like I was punched in the gut–it was entirely shocking. I started walking away, sobbing at the rejection. I had given the job my best, and apparently it wasn’t good enough. And that’s when I woke up.

What I find interesting about this dream is the fact that I’ve dreamt about being fired in the past. The last time it happened, I didn’t feel so bad–there were no weird chemical reactions going on. This time is quite different in that regard. This time the dream hit me kind of hard, and I woke up feeling worn out. What’s going on then? Well, these days everyone’s feeling twitchy and looking for a change. One of our team members has chosen to leave for another job. The rest of us are just worn out and tired. That would explain some of the things in the forefront of my mind. It’s no surprise that the topic has appeared in a dream. Seriously.

I’m in no position to interpret the message, although on a simple level I’m guessing it’s just telling me to leave. Nonetheless, a dream is a dream: I does not have enough rooting in reality for me to act on it, right?

*grumble*

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Dreaming of exam panic

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Mon. January 19, 2009

This past weekend I found myself in a bit of panic. This was all due to what seems to be a recurring dream for me. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it feels raw each and every time, making me feel quite uneasy. Upon waking I have to take a moment or two to regain my bearings and assess reality from make-believe. Yeah, it’s that bad.

Well, what’s the dream? It involves university and being on the brink of graduation. Usually, in the forefront of my mind there’s something nagging, telling me that I’ve missed the exam for some subject. It varies from dream to dream: French, Psychology 101, Sociology, English, etc. See, in the dream I apparently went to one or two classes of the subject but then decided that I didn’t need to go. I then totally ignored the class to the point where I forgot the scheduled exam. In some variations I’m in a panic over whether I’m actually still enrolled in the class. Sometimes I haven’t been to that class for so long that I was suddenly un-enrolled. Whatever the case, the result is that I suddenly don’t have enough credits to graduate–leaving me in a panic over how I’m going to make it up.

When I wake up from these dreams, my mind is often in overdrive trying to figure out when the exam for the course was supposed to be. Sometimes I have to second-guess what day of the week it is just in case I was dreaming that I missed it. Of course, THERE IS NO EXAM. After a few moments of figuring things out, I always realize that I have my freaking diploma, and that I’ve been out of school for a few years now.

Wow, so what the hell is with this dream? I think the obvious interpretation is a general fear of failure. Maybe these dreams come to me whenever I’m going through a particularly stressful time at work. During these periods there’s a definite need to perform. I guess I’m carrying that stress home with me. Why is it manifesting itself in the form of dreams of missing exams/skipping class? My academic career has had ups and downs. I’ve never gotten to the point though where I’d miss something outright from classes through exams. See, tuition cost too much to allow me to forget, know what I mean?

You know, for once, I’d like to have one of these academic dreams where I’m actually victorious. I can joke about not being the ideal university student. Why? I’m not. Period. However, I worked hard when it mattered. In the end I got the job done. What more is there? Why can’t my subconscious celebrate that achievement for once?

*grumble*

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410 scramble

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Thu. July 24, 2008

I woke up this morning in a puzzled state. I had a weird dream that was set in a restaurant. I must have been on a friendly outing. Accompanying me was a woman that was a little shorter than me. She was wearing a blue and grey striped shirt with a white hoodie. Her auburn hair was back in a ponytail. In the restaurant, we were at a counter with a glass partition. The counter was sort of in the middle of the place. It had a white table cloth with different foods all laid out nicely on display. On the other side was a server in chef garb. I’d say she was in her late 20′s. Her brown hair was pulled back. Her face looked a little severe like she wasn’t ready to take any grief from anyone. She was in charge of serving food to whoever was there.

Both me and my friend were peering through the glass looking at various cheesecakes and pies. She was the first to ask about the food. She asked a question about one of the red cheesecake options: she asked if it was really sweet. The chef took a knife, got some of the red glaze and spread it on a round foil cake base. She presented it to my friend, how took her left index finger and scooped up a big glob of the glaze. She tasted it and commented that it was much too sweet. She asked about the strawberry cheesecake and once again the chef happily got some red glaze, spread it on the foil base and presented it to her. Once again, she scooped it up and stuck her finger in her mouth. She looked quite pleased with herself and let out a long “mmmmmm…” She exclaimed “Now that’s what I’m talking about!” I was just there watching all of this being completely amused by the spectacle. She ordered a slice of that strawberry cheesecake.

It came to my turn. I looked at some other options through the glass and somehow settled on a soup. It was full of mussels and had a creamy orange texture. It smelled like a spicy Thai soup. I ordered a bowl of it, at which point my friend scrunched up her face and sounded disapproval. I asked her what was wrong and she just commented, “Mussels are hairy. Blech!” I agreed, but figured that the soup would be good. The chef didn’t seem quite so amused to serve the soup. I looked over to the cheesecakes and asked for a slice of blueberry cheesecake. The chef suddenly got pissed at me. “Cheesecake??? After mussels???” I think I struck a raw nerve. She continued on a rant: “The head chef will be sitting nearby. I will not have you embarrass me!” I was just confused. I mean, I saw nothing wrong with having the two. I just shrugged and asked her, “What do you recommend then? I’ll just take whatever you suggest.” I thought that was a good idea because obviously she felt she knew better. She said “With mussels? The 410 (four-ten) scramble”. First thought that popped into my head: “Brampton?” Anyway, she pulled out this dark burgundy dish with a mess of different chunks of gelatin in it. The colours were dark purple, light green, and some shades of red. The colours themselves reminded me of different types of grapes. It did not look appetizing at all, but I just went with it.

As we went to our table, I was trying to figure out why the chef would be so embarrassed for me. As it turns out she was actually going to sit with us at our table. My friend and the chef were still disapproving of what I ordered. They both decided to go to the washroom together to “discuss.” As I waited there, I looked around at other tables trying to figure out who the head chef was. Over to the side I saw an old balding white guy sipping an espresso. I didn’t know if it was him, but I just decided that he was the likely candidate.

Aaaand, that’s when I woke up. What’s with all of the disapproval? Why was this one food based? How did Brampton creep in there? So many questions!

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Milk pouch carting

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Sat. July 12, 2008

I kind of regret not posting about this earlier in the day because right now I’ve already forgotten most of the details of what happened. Just prior to waking up I had a weird dream. In it, I think I must have been on some sort of weird competitive game show. I don’t recall too many specific details other than the fact that people were carting pouches of milk to some other location. I was in the starting location where there was a big supply of somewhat cold pouches. Nope, they definitely weren’t ice cold. It was pretty shady in there. I figure it must have been a barn because there wall were made of wooden boards. There was a rope dividing the two sides. I wasn’t doing any loading, but rather I must have been acting as a dispatcher of sorts. I was telling people were to go and what to do. The other team’s dispatcher was a young female with glasses and red hair tied back in a pony tail. She was a bit shorter than me and had a shrill voice.

Some people were carting out the pouches in brown leather attache cases. Others had a wheelbarrows with big loads of milk and plastic all kept in place with rope. They were coming in to load up, and rush back out to make the drop. At one point it was announced that time was running out. The other team had no one coming in to load up on milk. I remember starting to yell “SLASH IT! SLASH IT!” With no one but the dispatcher there, I figured that if people slashed the pouches belonging to the other team there would be no way for anyone to bring the milk over to the destination. At first no one listened to me because they were too focused on carting our own milk out of there, so I started yelling harder. Finally someone listened and started stabbing the pouches. The other team’s dispatcher started freaking out and shooing them away, but the damage was done. Milk was spraying all over the place, and in the heat I could smell the milk starting to go bad. I don’t fully recall what was going on with the milk at the destination. It had something to do with a big bowl of cereal with some people wading in there with these huge Froot Loop like things.

That’s all I remember. I swear, I’m shocked that I wasn’t actually yelling in real life. During the dream I could feel my throat starting to get hoarse; it was a weird feeling. God, what a strange dream overall though. I’m not saying that my dreams have to make sense or anything, but even this is pretty out there, eh? Hmm. Perhaps bits of “I Survived a Japanese Game Show” have seeped into my subconscious. Truth be told, participating in something like that in real life would be hella fun, don’t you think?

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Getting fired; eating carpaccio in Germany

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Wed. March 19, 2008

I said last night that I had a lot on my mind. I wasn’t kidding: I had two dreams last night. I don’t really remember as many details as I would like, but they’re interesting to me nonetheless.

In my first dream I think I was let go from my job without good reason. I just started tearing up as I walked through the office back to my desk. I managed to get back to my terminal before the systems people locked the computer down and took my stuff away. Although…I had nothing on there that I really wanted to take. My colleagues were kind of stone faced as I walked away.

So, apart from the lack of detail, one other thing I can note about the dream is how I wasn’t affected as badly as I normally would have been directly after the dream. Usually after something like this I would feel immediately sad after the dream due to various chemicals released in my body during the dream. No, this time. At least, nothing much. I was even reasoning with myself. After the dream I told myself that I had nothing to worry about with regards to chat logs being saved on the computer because they’d wipe the system clean for the next person. See! It was all rational, except for the fact that I was talking about a non-existent situation. Yeeeah.

My second dream was a bit more interesting. I think I was in an Amazing Race type competition. I was paired up with this guy whom I knew from elementary school but didn’t really get along with. No, in fact he treated me like shit me back then. He mellowed out in high school, but I still hated him entirely. So, I found it strange that I was paired up with him in this dream. Anyway, our current location was Germany, and we were in some location that was close to a riverside. My partner had the first task which involved him eating a rather large plate of carpaccio. It was made of sea bream. While he was attempting to eat all that raw fish, I snuck off to scope out the next task.

I was joined by a girl I knew in university. She was dressed all in black and knew exactly where to go. The next task involved searching this watery area for two mini oars. The area was actually dry at the time, so I was able to pick out exactly what I needed to get. So, I ran back to my partner and was only halfway through his carpaccio. I told him “it can’t be that bad, right? I’d be able to eat it!” He just grumbled. Instead of waiting, I ran back to the next task area but this time it was flooded. Instead of the oars floating to the top of the water, they must have been weighted down because I couldn’t see any of them. They were buried in the river water. I started swinging from the bars surrounding the area because I had no intentions of wading in the water. I grabbed an oar and took it with me back to the guy eating the carpaccio. On the way though, I asked the girl I was with whether the oar needed some sort of insignia on it. I didn’t have a clue on me so I wasn’t sure. Luckily she did have a clue. It said that I had to pick out an oar that had a red cross insignia on it. So, I ran back and fished a correct one out. I hid the oar underneath an overturned green canoe, ready for me to grab once we got there. I ran back to the guy who’d just finished all of the raw fish. We both ran over to the watery area, where I grabbed the oar. We got the next clue telling us to get to the airport. I yelled at the guy, “run like the wind!” So we ran for the LRT. Unfortunately, I was weighed down by my backpack, so it wasn’t so much running like the wind, but running like…a really gentle breeze. Ha! I had a map with me and I tried to figure out the train system, but I couldn’t make out the way to the airport. I don’t know what happened next, but we arrived at the airport terminal. We thought we were in first place, but when we got there we spotted another pair of competitors. When we saw each other we let out a big groan. So much for that!

And that’s when I woke up. I honestly have no interpretations for this one. Why the bully? Why Germany? Why carpaccio? Why oars with red insignias on ‘em?

In any case, it’s really been a while since I’ve had a dream like this. It’s all kind of entertaining, no?

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Med school dream

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Sun. November 4, 2007

I had a strange dream earlier today during a long nap. It wasn’t as detailed as other weird dreams that often have, but it still kind of affected me in unexpected ways. I don’t remember too many details other than some disembodied voice telling me that I should “rightfully” be in med school right now.

Eh?

I think I was wearing a lab coat, and seeing some people, but I don’t really remember. Anyway, when I woke up, I was in state of confusion: “Wha?? I’m a doctor? Med school? mmmm…” It took me a few moments before it finally occurred to me that it was just a dream and that I was really in the field of computers. I don’t know. Such a weird dream: kind of brimming with hope. I wonder though, what was the source of this dream? Why did I hear such a voice? Why the emphasis on the word “rightfully”? These area all questions to which I will never have answers to, and it’s mildly freaking me out. I mean, hey, it’s a bit late to be switching career paths to something as rigorous as medicine. Besides that, I’m not confident that I have the discipline to be able to do something like that. If there’s anything that my COM E experience told me, it’s just that. Then again, maybe it’s just that I really didn’t fully enjoy the programme (maybe not until later once I got the hang of things).

Sometimes I do wonder if I’m in the right field for me, of course. I’ve wondered since my early undergrad career. Sure, I’m alright at what I do for a living these days, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s where I should be, right? Thing is, I know that there’s no big point in me rocking the status quo at the moment; I’m too busy building a foundation of sorts for the rest of my life (dream world, be damned). Interestingly enough, I have an inkling that I will change career paths in a couple of years. I don’t know how severe that change will be, but I think it’ll happen.

Man, I’m torn. Ugh. What the hell?

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