Tag Archive: career

Sprouting

A bit over a month ago I spoke about planting seeds of sorts to help take my career on a different path. So today, I had a follow up meeting with my manager. He was still positive to the idea of me transitioning into something different, which is a bit of a relief. He bounced a few ideas at me and I told him what I thought of them. At this time, we seem to have worked out a roadmap. There will be a few chances to try new roles out to see if I like things, and if I fail I can save face without issue. It’s great. I’m excited. The seeds that were planted are sort of sprouting now. It still remains to be seen if this will lead anywhere, but I’m optimistic.

Chapter Twenty-six: and the gears keep turning

Heheh. Damn, I was looking at previous years’ entries, and trying to figure out the naming scheme. I wasn’t sure how old I was turning, leading to some confusion. How dorky is that? As it turns out, the magic number today is 26. I’m a little surprised–for more than a few moments I thought it was 27. Apparently I can’t add.

So, I named the entry “and the gears keep turning.” Seriously. That’s a good way to summarize the way the last year has been. I’ve been doing my duty, and life has been rewarding me in turn. At first glance, I might say that life really hasn’t changed all that much but, that’s not entirely true.

Let’s see.

I’m certainly more active that I was last year. I’m actually down 20 lbs. from this same period last year. It’s sort of freaky when I quantify it like that because the change has been really slow and gradual. So, it seems like there hasn’t been much change. I’m actually a few lbs off my interim goal. It’s kind of exciting. I’m looking forward to setting a new goal once this one is reached. In terms of activity, last year if you told me I’d be running races, I’d say you were mad. I’d probably be yelling: “Flat feet! Flat feet!” Don’t get me wrong, I’m still out of shape, however, the level of health is certainly headed in the right direction. It’s a work in progress.

Of course, there’s the condo thing; it was about time to move out. Amazingly, the push came from my father who really seemed to the most resistant to me moving. Life is full of surprises in that way. Maybe he finally saw the value and status associated with me having my own place and building equity. Anyway, I know that I won’t be moving in until I’m 27, but this building period is still exciting. The process of choosing options and upgrades is such that it triggers a sense of hope. That’s what this is: hope for the future, you know?

Career-wise, I’m finally getting settled into my role on the team. I know what I’m capable of and what my limits are. I’m finding my voice, and I’m very much willing to tell my manager what I’m feeling in terms of the job. The process of finding my voice has been so very beneficial to me. Over the past few days I’ve had numerous flashbacks to times when I should have been more vocal and not as passive as I was. Now, when I look back I kind of have to shake my head. What can you do, eh? It’s all a learning process. I wonder though whether things might change if I had a change to relive it all. Maybe? Doesn’t matter now, though. I don’t think I’ve hit a state of total confidence in my abilities and self-worth, but hey: baby steps!

Socially, I found that I’ve been reconnecting with people with whom I’ve lost contact. All this without Facebook. Hah! It’s really refreshing to have these people in my life once more. Seriously. It helps me realize that yeah, my past does matter. My past helped build the foundation of who I am today, and it just so happens that these people have laid some concrete to build that base.

Girlfriend? Eh…nope. Am I too idealistic or too independent? It was established that yes, I am…maybe. I’d be blessed to find someone that would love me and all of my neuroses, but meanwhile, I’m content as is.

So yeah, good or bad, life is what it is. All I can do is to keep doing my best in better or worse times because ultimately it’ll lead to a sort of freedom I probably can’t even comprehend right now. Sounds a little bit over-dramatic, but it’s the truth, no?

May this year bring me good fortunes in all parts of life.

Much love to everyone who’s read this far in. :cool:

Lastly:

If today is your birthday:

This year will bring a pivotal moment when you realize a storm has passed. There’s been some damage, but you also feel tremendous relief. A benign sky is striving to rebuild and improve your life.

Scorpio (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22)

The stars make it clear they want you feeling glad to be alive. You have much to accomplish before you find fulfilment and you have only just begun.

- Phil Booth

Med school dream

I had a strange dream earlier today during a long nap. It wasn’t as detailed as other weird dreams that often have, but it still kind of affected me in unexpected ways. I don’t remember too many details other than some disembodied voice telling me that I should “rightfully” be in med school right now.

Eh?

I think I was wearing a lab coat, and seeing some people, but I don’t really remember. Anyway, when I woke up, I was in state of confusion: “Wha?? I’m a doctor? Med school? mmmm…” It took me a few moments before it finally occurred to me that it was just a dream and that I was really in the field of computers. I don’t know. Such a weird dream: kind of brimming with hope. I wonder though, what was the source of this dream? Why did I hear such a voice? Why the emphasis on the word “rightfully”? These area all questions to which I will never have answers to, and it’s mildly freaking me out. I mean, hey, it’s a bit late to be switching career paths to something as rigorous as medicine. Besides that, I’m not confident that I have the discipline to be able to do something like that. If there’s anything that my COM E experience told me, it’s just that. Then again, maybe it’s just that I really didn’t fully enjoy the programme (maybe not until later once I got the hang of things).

Sometimes I do wonder if I’m in the right field for me, of course. I’ve wondered since my early undergrad career. Sure, I’m alright at what I do for a living these days, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s where I should be, right? Thing is, I know that there’s no big point in me rocking the status quo at the moment; I’m too busy building a foundation of sorts for the rest of my life (dream world, be damned). Interestingly enough, I have an inkling that I will change career paths in a couple of years. I don’t know how severe that change will be, but I think it’ll happen.

Man, I’m torn. Ugh. What the hell?

Unfettered time

I ended up chatting with Raien last Saturday, which was refreshing because I hadn’t heard from her in a long while. The topic turned to the so-called life milestones and where we currently stand. I have many blessings to be thankful for. I have a career and my own place (which, although it still needs to be built, is still worthy of note). I’m just missing something in the love areas of my life. Yeah, I don’t want to say that it’s that much of an important issue, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t. I usually tell myself that I’m just occupied and throwing my focus elsewhere, which is true. Work is very important to me: it’s how I get the resources to live comfortably. Raien and I agreed that we could find a partner easily if we wanted to, just that we didn’t want to lead anyone on if we didn’t intend to take the relationship seriously. I guess that makes us a little too idealistic, no?

She mentioned that some people constantly need to be in relationships because they don’t want to be lonely. Where does that pin me? I’d like to think that I’m being self-reliant and independent, but am I really? I don’t know. I guess I’m of the opinion that if I can’t take care of myself, how can I take care of someone else? So, I need to spend this unfettered time right now to establish myself and settle as much of my identity as possible.

Some days I do wish that I had someone to share my thoughts, my worries, my triumphs, my fears and failures. I know though that I’ve got other outlets for that kind of thing, and ultimately I know I can deal with it all. Patience, yeah? Patience.

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