Tag Archive: colleagues

Aren’t you cold?

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Thu. December 10, 2009

The other day I was reporting that my cold tolerance seems to have gone…well, I’m happy to report that I think it’s back. At least, I think that I’m happy about it. Hmm. Anyway, this morning, I saw my sports jacket sitting in the closet, not getting any air time. Since I had taken the blazer out for a spin the day before, I figured that the sports jacket needed a chance. Besides, the dark grey pattern seemed to look better with what I had on in comparison to the black blazer. Oh yes, I’m sure I could have just gone with my leather jacket, but whatever man, I was already committed. As soon as I stepped out the door though, I questioned my choice of not going with the leather. The wind immediately started attacking my body. It was blowing my unbuttoned jacket, kind of making me feel like I was a character in some sort of movie scene walking toward some sort of helicopter with its blades going. All I was missing was a pair of aviators and a suitcase full money. The wind was fierce, but I didn’t seem to mind at the time. I had my gloves on, and that seemed to be enough to not make me run back to my place to dress more appropriately.

Upon arriving at work, I got the usual comments about interviews, but I just laughed with everyone. On the inside I was still feeling slightly out of place, but all of that was squashed when I got remarks about how I was well-dressed. Great, right? People also commented on how I didn’t bring a thicker jacket. They asked, “aren’t you cold?” My immediate response, which was meant to be a bit cheeky was: “It’s the middle of December, of course I’m cold!” I mean, really. Sure, I was cold, but I was covered enough for whatever short trips I had to make out there. I really was just fine up until maybe the last few hundred metres back to my place. It was close to 7 p.m. at that point and it felt like the winds were twice as strong as they were in the morning. As I walked, the wind was pushing me with enough force to make me look like I had a bit too much to drink. There were some icy patches along the way and I was afraid that a sudden gust would just knock me on my ass. I was OK though. My nose was dripping but the cold blasts took my attention away from it. At that point, yes, I totally wish I had a thicket jacket, but considering that I only thought that for a few minutes out of the whole day of Mother Nature violating me, I did well. I plan on being a bit more sensible on Friday because I’ve made my point to myself. I’ve still got it. I’m strong. I’m healthy. I’m foolish. I can take it.

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Blazer equals interview

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Wed. December 9, 2009

What I wear to work is pretty standard. I usually wear a collared shirt tucked into pants: either jeans, khakis or slacks. Depending on my mood I’ll use my black belt or my brown belt. My black belt is dressier, but when I wear it now I have to tighten it all the way to the last hole. Sometimes that’s still too loose. The brown belt is more casual and wider. I use either my brown or black leather shoes. The brown ones are derbies, while the black ones are oxfords. I have to leather jackets that I use on top of it all–one black and one brown. The black feels a little big now, but lighter than the brown one that fits like a suit jacket. Anyway, all of that gives me enough permutations to change things up often enough. Frankly, I don’t think I look sloppy. Most of the time I look casual enough without looking like a slob, which is where I should be.

So, this morning out of the blue I saw my blazer in the closet and figured that I’d wear that instead of my leather jackets. I mean, that blazer doesn’t get enough use. I paid good money for it so I better find more opportunities to use it. It was an interesting choice of a day to use it though. A storm system hovering overhead turned from snow to rain. I learned that my blazer does a good job of repelling water. During the lunch hour I was walking back from a restaurant in the pouring rain. The jacket didn’t seem to retain a large amount of moisture. I actually enjoyed using it today, and really I think I need to use it more often. Thing is, it tends to draw odd reactions. Other than comments about me looking dressed up, the second most popular comment was a question of whether I had an interview today. Whaaa? Sure, it’s a given that it must look a little more weird for me to be dressed a little more formally, but does it have to mean that I had an interview? It wouldn’t really be worth noting except for the fact that multiple people asked me. What, a guy can’t dress up to look good without a good reason? What a sad sad sad commentary that is. Maybe if I start dressing like that on a more regular basis no one will notice if actually have an interview. Interesting plan.

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The social game

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Thu. December 3, 2009

We had a bit of an event after work today where there were a couple of professionally dealt casino events in office. The people who won the games and accumulate points were able to use those points to bid on mystery boxes which all contained some pretty awesome prizes. I passed up on the card games and instead hung out in the boardroom playing Rock Band. Nonetheless, I was still able to accumulate points from other people that I knew who were leaving early. Thus, I kept claiming that I was playing a social game. You know those people on Survivor that might not be playing the actual challenges all that well but know how to work everyone back at camp? That was basically me, I guess. The tickets basically came to me.

Anyway, when all gathered for the auction at about 9 p.m. There were 12 white boxes all in a row, all a mystery. For the first few boxes I didn’t really have an intention of winning them, but I intentionally put in bids to drive up the price and force people to give up their points. That, and I enjoyed yelling numbers. By the fifth box, I was yelling number emphatically. I think people decided to just let me have one. Most boxes were going for 300 points or over, but I got mine for a bargain at 150. There was a rule that no one can get more than one box so I gave my points to a colleague who managed to get another box with his accumulated points. There were a couple of great things in among the prizes like a week at a time share anywhere in the world, or perhaps a Blu-ray player. For me and my colleague it was just our luck that we both got boxes that contained gift baskets. I suppose I can’t complain: it’s not bad for someone that didn’t play any of the card games.

Just give me Rock Band. Vocals, drums, guitars, bass…it’s all good.

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Offended at people caring

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Mon. November 23, 2009

I had a little bit of a rough go this afternoon. At around 3 p.m. I suddenly started feeling a little bit light headed. Immediately I knew that my body was beginning to combat something. I’m still feeling a little bit rotten this evening, though from what I’m feeling right now I feel like this is something that I can battle overnight with a bit of rest and quiet time. So, earlier, all of this uneasiness put me in a mildly bad mood. At one point, a colleague asked a simple question about me getting my resume done. I took offence. There’s no good reason why I felt offended. Maybe I just felt like I was being judged. Actually, everyone joined in tut-tutting me over the lack of effort. I didn’t take it very well. Thing is, I know that all of this is well-meaning. Why am I offended that people care? It’s almost comical.

About a week ago I spoke about acting like an ostrich when it comes to job hunting. A lot of that still applies now. I still feel like I’m failing a lot of people by not putting in the effort. There are a lot of people behind me that want to see me succeed. Why do I seem to be partaking in the act of self-sabotage? Tough call. I’m not wallowing in self-pity. I recognize that the easiest way out of this current funk is just to do it. I know that now’s the best time to get my things in order, because if I wait until my hand is forced then everything will just be that much more difficult. So frustrating.

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“This is why we’re fat!”

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Thu. November 12, 2009

This week we’ve got a couple of visitors from India sitting in with us to learn what we do in the office. Hmm…they certainly do learn quickly. Enough about that though…

For lunch, we decided that it would be fun to take them out to dim sum. I mean, maybe I’m being naïve, but I’ll assume that they don’t do Hong Kong style dim sum in the heart of India’s tech region. So, anyway, we did our best to hunt out the best stuff that didn’t have beef or pork in it. That wasn’t all that difficult because there’s an abundance of shrimp dishes. I think a good time was had by all. I mean, many jokes were tossed around, and the visitors were laughing it up with the rest of us.

At one point, during a discussion involving finding someone to set up with me (yeah, apparently that’s a good topic of conversation) we were eyeing carts in our vicinity to see if there was anything we really wanted. We asked the visitors if they wanted anything but they politely declined. So, the rest of us kept stuffing ourselves. It was only after that I noticed that the other two were just sitting there politely smiling, drinking tea, but not eating anything. I enquired, but they said they were full. We kept on eating though, insisting that we find the lady carrying the sticky rice dumplings. It took me a while for it to register: we were still eating way after these guys felt like they were at their limit. When I had that epiphany, I turned to my colleague and told him what I noticed. We all started laughing. Then, I exclaimed “this is why we’re fat!”

Then, with a hint of irony, we ate our pieces of the rice dumpling that we managed to hunt down.

Yeah…there are many layers to this story. You can draw your own conclusions.

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The last of nine

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Thu. November 5, 2009

nlphst.jpgEverything is changing around me at work!

Yeah, I know I’ve been making a lot of veiled comments about my various situations on this blog, and for the most part all of the comments still hold. This storm clouds still loom overhead, but at the moment the rain has let up a little bit. Anyway, that’s not what this post is all about! No, this post relates back to something that was posted about 2.5 years ago.

OK, so around that time in 2007, the Simpsons Movie had come out, or was about to come out (to be honest, I totally forgot). One of the tools on the movie’s website was a widget to create Simpsons versions of whoever you wanted. It wasn’t long before one of our team members decided to create Simpsons versions of everyone.

Do you remember that post? Maybe? Well before you click here to go back, do you remember which of these 9 characters was apparently representative of me? I still think it’s mildly obvious, but whatever. We’ve already touched on that in the old post.

So, we have a print out of this image posted on the cork board in our area. Over time, as people left the team, that person or someone else would ceremoniously draw a big red X over their avatar. In the past few months, we were reduced to just three of these original members. Then two were left: me and one other person. Well, as of tomorrow, the other person is leaving the team. At the end of today, he took the image down, grabbed a fat red marker and crossed out his image. And there I was, the only one left on the image, still unscathed.

No, I’m not crowing. I’m not necessarily happy or sad that I’ll be the last of the group. Heck, it’s not even like I’ll be on my own–a couple of other people have been hired over time, right? Still, in my mind the symbolism is sort of strong.

It’s truly the end of an era. I really respect the guy that’s leaving tomorrow. I won’t be alone in handling things when he leaves, but there definitely will be added pressure on me to perform at a slightly higher level. As the last guy standing…I guess I have no choice.

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The breakfast meeting

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Mon. October 26, 2009

So, I got an email last night asking if I wanted to join a colleague for breakfast. It’s out of the ordinary. There was no explanation, but, really, no explanation was necessary. Immediately my first thought was “uh oh.” I agreed to meet him, but as a result I didn’t get much sleep. This morning, my suspicions were confirmed.

I’ll say it again: the next few months are going to be interesting.

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The time isn’t ripe yet

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Sat. September 5, 2009

So, OK, Thursday was the last day for my colleague that started just about three weeks prior to my starting date almost three years ago. We both have gone through a lot of craziness and turmoil (not against each other) on this team, so I really do respect the guy. It’s sad to see him move on, and really it makes me question whether my time is ticking down as well. Thursday though was not a time for such reflection. Instead, it was a time to celebrate.

It just so happened that it was also the day of the company barbecue at the Toronto Islands, so yes, it was very much a day of rest and relaxation. We were all given two drink tickets, but if you asked the right people there were ways to get more. About three drinks later it was time to head back to the mainland. A group of us walked to a bar with the colleague and we basically stayed there until really late just laughing it up.

OK, so I lied: there was still much reflection going on. We asked, how would we carry on? Given the stress levels and the amount of burden we’re already shouldering, what happens when you pull out one of the major players? It’s tough. It got me thinking about what my intentions were. It’s interesting that whenever I start thinking about that topic, I go through a period of heavy unrest. Mercifully, my friends are able to put up with me during such times. Anyway, after seeing my colleague leave, I think deep down my heart is telling me that I’m just not ready yet.

Am I not ready? Or is it fear of moving on? What is it?

Until I know better, for my sanity I’m going to say it has nothing to do with fear. Laziness: maybe. However, yes, my level of preparedness isn’t there for whatever reason. So what does that mean for me? My intentions for now are to buckle down, ride it out, and just perform. If I get lazy, I might get the boot, and if I intend on leaving I sure as hell want to do it on my own terms.

I kind of get the feeling that those that know me wouldn’t be too enthused about that answer. They see me in my broken and wounded states and wonder why I put myself through any of it. That’s a fair question, isn’t it? I think, when it comes down to it, I was over-stressed from trying to be everything to everyone. The job is of a nature that requires me to wear many hats, which means it’s easy to fall into that trap. In fact, it was once suggested that I aim to be more like the colleague on his way out. Eh well…that’s not something I can be. I know where my strengths lie. I know where I can grow. I will just do what I can. On the team, I’ve somehow become second in seniority. I know that there actually are people relying on me. I feel like I can manage to stick around. Knowing that, I will do my best to make myself comfortable.

When the time comes (and it will come, believe me) I will know what to do. Trust.

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