citizen of the planet

This whole half marathon training thing is such that I’ve got things quite figured out for myself.  Actually, I’m sure that there are a couple of discoveries that are still out there waiting to be found, but for the most part I have a good sense of what I need to do and when I need to do it in order to get good performance out of myself.  Once in a while though, I need something like a small kick in the pants to remind myself to stay vigilant.

So, last night I ended up getting caught up with various distractions.  Next thing I know, 1 a.m. came and I knew that even if I couldn’t get some proper sleep I’d need at least a few hours down.  I totally forgot my usual routine of drinking a couple of glasses of water prior to heading to bed.  I do that to help me stay hydrated.  Anyway, I set my alarm to use the radio at 6:15 am.  I had by iPod docked there earlier, but I decided that radio would serve me better for a wake up call.  Morning came.  When I took a peek at the clock I was shocked to find out that it was already 7:30 a.m.  I had half an hour to go to the bathroom, get my gear on, and head out the door.  Somewhere in the rush, I completely neglected to eat something.  Usually I have a piece of toast with some sugary spread of my choosing on top.  This time though I was running on empty.

After all of these misfires, the run itself just didn’t feel great.  I was running somewhat normally, but I just felt like something was a little bit off.  I became hungrier earlier.  I went through my bottle of water pretty quickly, forcing me to conserve my fluids for the last few kilometres.  My hips were aching earlier than they really should have.

All in all, I should have known better.  Yes, I should have done all of the necessary pre-measures to prep myself for being out there for more than two hours.  At the very least, now that I’ve done this I’m more likely to be more careful.

I’m not even going to scare myself by thinking about worse case scenarios, but I’ve been seriously fatigued as of late.  I know, I know, after yesterday’s post which wondered out loud whether I’m doing far too much the reason for the fatigue should be obvious.  In the past week, I’ve fallen asleep on the couch four times.  I’m not talking about simple napping either.  Often, I find myself sitting on the couch…then I find myself needing to get comfortable in a horizontal position while listening to music.  Then, after a blink or two I suddenly find that hours have passed and it’s suddenly the middle of the night.  I’ve done so in my work clothes and in my running gear.  The lights are often on in the kitchen and in the living room.

Yes, I know that it’s a horrible habit.

I need to figure out what to do with myself.  Perhaps I’m just not eating enough.  Before I was saying that I was eating too much, and now not enough?  Well, my current caloric ranges are based on me burning around 2450 calories through exercise per week.  Last week I went over 4000.  So, it’s possible that I’m under-eating by a little bit.  Still, I don’t want to raise my ranges and sabotage my efforts like I did over the holiday period.  Then again, I totally am burning way more calories now that I’m late into my training cycle, so it’s a legit concern.

Fatigue isn’t so bad on occasion, but when it starts blocking me from getting some things accomplished, then I know that there are bigger issues afoot.  On my way home I was thinking about how I wanted to bake something because it’s been a long time since I’ve done so.  Now that I’m here, the fatigue just kind of hit me over the head.  It shouldn’t be a struggle to do something that I so obviously want to do.

Anyway, I’m not whining.  I just need to get my thoughts in order.

And I need to get a good night’s sleep.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Just another short one.

A friend was telling me about his lunch hour yoga session.  He told me that toward the end of it, the meditation was on “self-observation without criticism.”  He said that when the topic came up he thought about me.  Knowing that really made me pause for a little bit.  Am I so self-destructive in my words and thoughts?  Am I really so willing to bring myself down?  It really seems like I am to some extent.  I’ve stated before that I seem to be my own worst critic.  I can see the value of using that to make myself stronger.  Still, there’s a real danger of falling into negative self-image and general dissatisfaction if left unchecked.  What I find a bit telling is the fact that other people seem to be in tune with the fact that I’m way harder on myself than I should be.  Isn’t that sort of messed up?  Yes, yes it is.  In the end it’s up to me to be a witness for myself and to keep myself in check.  No one else can do it.

Yeah, guess what Jason forgot to do last night.  Heh.  Oh well.  I think I was lying horizontal on the couch waiting for inspiration to hit. Instead, sleep came along and beat me over the head.  Seems like a common theme with me.  Actually, for the last while I’ve been feeling a lot more fatigued than I should be feeling–especially at work.  A lot of people suggest that I should be drinking coffee, but seriously I don’t want to start getting into caffeine-laden drinks just to keep me afloat.  That might turn into some sort of dependency that I might not be in the mood to break.  I like coffee, but not to that extent.  I’m trying to find the cause.  Lack of vitamins?  Not eating enough? Eating too much?  I really have no clue.  All I know is that I can’t afford to be a walking zombie at work for that much longer.  I’m sure the first few times were tolerated, but if this keeps up I could be in trouble.