Hahahah. Oh dear.
Yes, I did manage a new personal record, but it’s not by as wide a margin as I wanted. In fact, I beat my old time by a small sliver of about 33 seconds. Oh, not that I’m complaining–just stating.
Anyway, I do plan on writing all about it, but not tonight. I’m far too sleepy/fatigued/zonked out to get a lot of coherent stuff out. Let’s just put it this way: I can afford to sleep well enough tonight.
Yes!
The couch is not a bed.
The couch is not a bed.
The couch is not a bed.
The couch is not a bed.
If I keep saying that, I’ll stop sleeping here. Seriously.
I’ve been out of school for a long time; it’s been five years now as a matter of fact. All the same, I think that I’m sort of experiencing the same kind of summer lull that I would have experienced way back when. There’s a bit of laziness and a desire for inertia that’s battling the parts of me that wants to stay busy. And those of you that know me well know that the busy part of me has a rather strong voice. That voice is why I occupy myself with many activities and why I work hard to excel in each one (success is a different matter). So the whole fatigue thing must be pretty strong if I’m feeling it acutely.
I wonder, how much of the desire is due to burn out? How much of it is due to the season? I characteristically prefer fall and winter over these hot months, but lately I’ve rather enjoyed seeing the sun and feeling the heat on my skin. I almost want to just take a day off and head for the Toronto Islands just to lounge around. It’s odd! I want to just get away for a while. I want to take a road trip–even if it’s just a day trip. Wanderlust? Is that what this is? I’m not necessarily wanting to go far away…I think I just need new stimuli. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy routine, and I like having that bit of stability. Still, there’s a need that’s not being addressed.
I’ll figure this all out. Just need some time…away…preferably…
Lately, as soon as I’ve hit my bed and turned on the pillar fan I’ve been out like a light. Doesn’t matter if the lights are on, or if I’m still in my running gear. Doesn’t matter if my wallet is digging into my back, or if there are computer cables pressing into my skin. There could be a lightning storm going on and I wouldn’t notice. I might be lying on my watch for all I know. My computer could be playing music but it wouldn’t keep mw awake especially with the white noise hum of the fan lying on top of it all. I don’t think the bed is the key. If I ever find myself horizontal on the coach I’ll end up passed out until 3 or 4 in the morning. All of this points to one key thing: I’m so very tired.
Maybe it’s a factor of getting back into the hill training phase of my running clinic. Or maybe it’s just that everything I’m doing is starting to catch up to me. Whatever the case, I’m starting to feel somewhat fatigued. Nothing serious, but I need to rest more. Either that or I need to eat more. HAH! Yeah, that’s not it. I need to be cautious. I don’t want to be hurtling down the path toward burn out. That’s not a pleasant place to be, especially when there’s a lot that needs to be accomplished. What about taking vacation? I certainly wouldn’t be against it, but if I’m not doing anything meaningful what’s the point? I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been in this position many times in the past, and each time I’ve been able to plow right through. At some point though I’m going to end up throwing my hands up and giving up resistance. It’s not sustainable, you know?
No, I’m not sore. However, after today’s race I feel completely wrecked. It’s the feeling where I expended far too much energy in comparison to the amount I put in. I’m happy, but I’m in recovery mode for the next little while. I’ll write more about the race in the next post. I’m just….really exhausted.
Really long day. Basically passed out on the couch. Right after work had to rush crosstown to an improv show, then over to the Danforth for another show. I’ll write more about what happened later. Meanwhile, here’s a shot I took in the green room .
It’s an odd feeling. Lately I feel like I’ve missed the bus and I’ve been spending the past week chasing after it. Why hasn’t the bus stopped for other passengers? That would be my chance! Luckily, here I am at a long weekend. All the same, I almost think that I’m going to end up letting this opportunity to catch up pass me by. What do I really need this time for? Cleaning up? Probably. Cooking? Would be nice. Spending time with family? Why not? It’s all important.
What I need is a proper vacation.
Or…an extended leave of absence.
A month for travel would be nice.
Ultimately I think my inner-self is asking for a period where I’m not responsible for anything big. I want to be selfish for a little bit. I don’t think I’ve done much to honour myself, and I almost feel like my subconscious is angry. I’ve been chasing after that damn bus for so long that I’ve forgotten why I’m doing it. I’ve lost the purpose. What good is that?
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