Some days I have to step back and wonder out loud whether I’m putting enough effort into taking care of my health. Sure, this question is being asked now because of this long term bacterial thing I’ve got going. I did write about being a bit of a hermit this weekend to allow my body to rest. Thing is, that was only after going a whole week carrying about my usual activities, letting my symptoms manifest while my general health deteriorated. I’ve been taking over-the-counter meds. I decided to not bother going to my doctor despite having a fever because I was sure he’d just tell me to get more rest and perhaps prescribe some antibiotics. What I experienced is nothing particularly spectacular, know what I mean? I’m sure things would have cleared up faster, but I was willing to let my body duke it out. I like to think that I have a strong immune system, so I was OK with letting it do its thing.

When I talk about my usual activities, I’m talking about running, working, etc. I even found time to help my parents move boxes. It seems like everything else took priority over myself. I think in some perverse way I figured that just taking time for myself, even if it means battling an illness, is kind of selfish. For example, I really enjoy improv so I end up telling myself that it’s simply not strenuous enough to make my conditions worse. That’s a lie. In the realm of work, with the transition happening I just toughed it out. I couldn’t take time off in good conscience at the end of the contract, and I couldn’t take time off right at the start of a team switch when people want me to hit the ground running.

Oh, running. *shakes head*

I’ve been good about not running, if only because my stubbornness in wanting to train is what made my conditions worse than they could have been. The only thing is since I’m in the middle of marathon training I’m missing precious training runs. I’ve been concerned! That brings me to today. I was telling myself that today would be the day I returned to the store and joined back with the rest of the clinic. It might have been psychosomatic, but in the last few minutes of the work day I was suddenly overcome by dizziness. The train ride home was a bit hard. I desperately wanted to nap, but I only managed to pick up a seat that requires vigilance in case the inner person wants out. So I sat the whole ride in a zombie-like state, except without the whole brain craving thing. When I got to the elevator I had to lean against the wall because I was just ill. I eventually got in and just dropped on the bed. I was just going to nap the night away but then decided against better judgment to head out and do the run anyway in the eat and humidity.

Well, the run went as well as I could have expected. The heat and humidity really hit hard. Despite that, I just soldiered on like everyone else. I took a few walk breaks in what was supposed to be a steady run. I also ran slower. However, in the end I made it through. I sweat so much that the sweat went right down the shirt and soaked my shorts. How unpleasant. The dizziness that was threatening me at the start had all but vanished. So, in the end I made a good call. Thing is, this could have turned bad fairly quickly. I was aware of that and made sure to pay attention to any odd symptoms, and to make sure that I addressed any warning signs right away. I had my phone on me, just in case. What’s interesting for me at this very moment is that…it almost seems like whatever remnants of the cough/cold I had before the run have been squashed. The run may have burned it away. Hmm…

So yeah, I guess I’m still challenging my health every now and then. I won’t say that it’s out of stupidity, but perhaps it’s just that I have some sort of subconscious knowledge of where my limits happen to be, and whether or not I can get more out of myself than I first think I can. I know that health is a fragile thing and shouldn’t be taken for granted. I feel blessed that I can do such things and still get up in the morning.