Tag Archive: life goals

Cake walk

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Mon. November 21, 2011

In this past Saturday’s class we covered how to make a black forest cake. As chef was showing us how to put it together I started thinking that it would be rather complicated. I remember thinking “there’s a lot that can go wrong!” However, once me and my baking partner got going the process of assembly was easier than expected. I mean, so much of it was based on stuff we’d done in previous weeks. A few weeks ago we worked on masking a cake. That same week we started working on our piping skills. We got to practice piping further when we made cream puffs and eclairs, and when we did shortbread. With all of that my piping skills have improved a fair bit. Making those rosettes on top wasn’t hard at all. I think the most difficult part of the past week was just making sure that we didn’t fall behind and that we kept moving in an efficient manner. In previous weeks my partner and I had a tendency of falling behind and holding things up. This time we moved swiftly and decisively. It was great!

This cake is visually impressive, but it’s actually not that bad to do. Cutting and filling the cake is one bit. Then masking isn’t so bad. Adding the chocolate sprinkles to the side was kind of fun. Then piping the rosettes and putting the cherries on top didn’t take long at all. The chocolate shavings were entirely a nice touch. So yeah: manageable! And with such a high visual impact this seems to be one of those recipes that’s high value.

When I posted a picture of this up on Facebook it got a lot of great comments. Not bad, right? One of my aunts was one of the people that commented on it. She was joking that I should open a bakery or something of that sort. Obviously such thoughts have crossed my mind. Things is, there’s just no way to switch career tracks at this point and still maintain my current lifestyle. I’m not giving up my condo, for example. So, as much as this would be an awesome thing to pursue I can’t do so just yet. Meanwhile, I can continue taking classes and sharpening my skills. One day a window will open or an opportunity will present itself. I need to keep an eye out for it and hope that when it come time I’ll be able to make the necessary jump.

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Planting seeds

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Thu. August 18, 2011

Today I had an opportunity to have some one-on-one time with my manager. It was an opportunity to see how I’ve been doing over the past few months. Knowing that this meeting has been coming up, I’ve been scanning my brain to figure out I wanted to talk about. I mean, there are a lot of little things I can mention in terms of coding worries but none of it seemed urgent or pressing. Eventually we got to talking about my long term goals and I said that I wasn’t really sure what I wanted. Somewhere in conversation he mentioned something in terms of moving around the company or gaining new skills. I think that triggered something in my head. I basically told him at that point that I was hoping that I’d get out of a coding role in the future. Just thinking about it, saying such a thing to my manager felt huuuuuge. It’s kind of basically saying that I don’t think I’m on the correct path.

I code. I am decent at it. It’s not where I really want to be. On this path, I could probably continue on to take a senior role or a team lead position. That’s all well and good, but I do not think that kind of thing suits me. Why? Tech and researching new stuff doesn’t really set me on fire. That’s the honest truth. What do I want to do? I’m not sure. I stated that I figure I might be suited to something dealing with communications and other people in general. I think I’m more suited to using my soft skills. I remember posting years ago shortly before graduation about jobs that I think I would be good at. The theme running through what I listed was definitely communication. I want to give it a shot.

How did my manager react? He took it well. I mean it’s not like I’m leaving the team or anything at this very moment. He has a bit of a similar history moving around within one company. And considering that I’m with a huge corporation there’s no better place to do it. I’m just glad that I was given a chance to plant this seed. At this moment, I don’t think he’s entirely sure where I would fit in, but at the very least if I’m set on a different trajectory path I know that I will be better off in the long term. Good things are coming. I can feel it.

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Bursts of inspiration

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Thu. June 2, 2011

Bursts of inspiration come and go. I spent my afternoon chasing down the source of a specific bug, only to find out the cause and effect creating the issue was elsewhere. I got a ridiculous amount of satisfaction fixing the unrelated issue.

See, if I ever find myself wondering whether I’m in the right line of work, I can look to moments like this to realize that I’m good at what I do. At the very least, the job pays the bills, but really it’s much more than that, isn’t it? I just want to feel useful, and feel like I’m contributing. That, I am doing. Just took a few bursts today to remind me of all that.

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Here’s to no drama

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Fri. February 11, 2011

A little earlier this evening my mom gave me a call. She asked how I was doing and I said I was fine. She then asked whether I had news of any sort. It’s not so much that she was fishing for something specific, but more of a simple general question. I sighed loudly and told her that I didn’t have anything new. I said that I live a quiet life. Kind of non-plussed we left the conversation at that. It got me thinking at how I’ve been living what I’d call a low key life. And that got me thinking even more…can even say that that’s true? Between coaching, improv, and the job change I’ve got a lot going on. Spike that with random social outings and things aren’t that boring. Thursday night I hung out with colleagues at happy hour. This was followed by going to a random poetry slam in Kensington Market. Earlier I was about to call it a night before a friend posted on Twitter asking if anyone wanted to head out for a beer and some spinach dip. On a whim I said I’d head out. So I got up from under my warm duvet and headed for a restaurant.

So no, life is not that boring at all. I wasn’t sure how to categorize any of it or phrase what my issue is until I got a tweet from a friend:

@jnery You know the Chinese Curse - May you live in interesting times. Your life has lotsa fun activities but no drama-rama. Is that so bad?
Fri. February 11, 2011 11:05 pm via Twitter for BlackBerry®ReplyRetweetFavorite
@MagdalenaBB
Magdalena B

Well there you go. I think the fact that there’s a lack of drama is a blessing. I can live my life without fretting about things out of my control. I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing and continue to work my ass off. Sounds good.

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Chapter Twenty-nine: Testing foundations

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Sat. November 6, 2010

Every year I like picking out a word that will be my “meditation” for the year. Last year’s word was “elevation” and I think it fit things really well. It’s amazing how much I’ve achieved in this short time frame. So, now comes the matter of choosing the word for this year. Now, it really didn’t take me that long to choose this word, if only because after years of having “active” words it was time for something a little more inward focused. So, this year I’m choosing the word “examination.” This is rather necessary. Now that a foundation has been built and I’ve been building upward at what seems to be a frenzied pace, I need to take a moment and just test things out. I need to see if everything is stable enough. If it isn’t stable, there’s time to tear it all down and rebuild. I know, I’m sounding a little bit dramatic, but a little focus is necessary. For many people the age period of 29-31 is a mini-crisis point because it’s the gateway to adulthood. For someone unprepared, this is sort of a shocking time. I think I’m prepared, but it doesn’t hurt to brace myself, just in case.

I’ve already done a bit of a review of what I’ve been up to in the past year in yesterday’s post, so I won’t touch on it again. This year I do plan on continuing on my trajectories. Just because I’m being introspective doesn’t mean that I should reel myself in. In fact, I need to work harder, as long as I still feel like whatever path I’m on is a good one. Barring any unexpected life changes, I’m expecting more of the same. We’ll see, right?

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Imminent shedding?

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Sun. October 24, 2010

I was doing a bit of reflection earlier today. I seem to be the type of person that tends to go through periodic regeneration. What do I mean by that? Well, every so often I go through a process of shedding, leaving behind my old self and redefining myself as something new and different. Yeah, OK, I might be sounding dramatic about it since everyone goes through such periods. For me though, it feels like there is no overlap between phases. Once I leave one phase, there’s no desire to revisit anything left behind. Think of a phoenix being reborn from its own ashes.

The last shedding that I went through was at the end of university from about 2004-2006. Before that was the end of high school. Lately I’ve been living a rather stable existence, but I have to wonder, what’s going to be the catalyst for my next level-up experience? What will I be shedding and leaving behind? What’s currently not working for me such that there will be a need to dump it? Heck, at this point of relative stability, what’s going to cause me to accept change? So many questions!

I guess I’m spending a few words on this only because I almost feel like change is imminent. I can feel it in my bones. Either that or I’m just going crazy. Bah.

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People, not stuff

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Tue. August 17, 2010

This ended up as a day where I had a chance to catch up with two people that I hadn’t seen in years. I saw one of them over lunch, and the other over dinner. It really is interesting how meals are great at bringing people together, right? So, I was just thinking that the younger version of me would have been fretting over whether I’ve done enough since the last time we saw each other. I mean, am I at the right place career-wise? Have I travelled anywhere exciting? Am I doing enough in my spare time? Am I dating someone? On some level, I believed I would be judged by just how far I’d gotten, and I would have wanted to the other party to look down on me.

Of course, all of that is silly, isn’t it?

Thankfully, this time around I was a lot more relaxed and forgiving of myself. I was genuinely interested in hearing about what they’ve been up to, and they were interested in what I’ve been up to. I may not be at the top of my game in all spheres of life, but that doesn’t matter at all; these people are interested in me and not my “status.” It’s amazing how liberating that thought is.

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Just enjoy life

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Wed. July 14, 2010

It’s a sentiment echoed by a lot of people around me.

Stop worrying and just enjoy life.

Simple advice, but it seems to be something that I’m having trouble buying into. I wonder if it’s a symptom of the generation, or if it’s something specific to me, but I seem to be in a phase where things are just “Go! Go! Go!“ There are goals that I have defined somewhere in the back of my mind that I just keep running for. That’s perhaps why I had the drive to somehow acquire an OK job, a car, and a place of my own on my own schedule. I’ve had a friend tell me that I was always like this: I want it all as soon as possible. I never really thought of it that way. To be honest, I kind of felt like I was falling behind. As much as I know it’s totally foolish to do so, I can’t help but compare myself to successful people I know who’ve got a bigger and better stuff. I end up knocking myself thinking “You don’t have the talent to get to that level.” Yeah: totally destructive, right? I mean…damn. I think somewhere buried deep inside is a bit of an inferiority complex that I just can’t shake. It’s one reason why I just want to keep improving and keep doing better for myself. It’s a bit of a mess because I don’t want to be hitting milestones just because society thinks that that’s where I should be. I’m actually sure that part of it is just me trying to prove to myself that I can succeed.

All of this is a stress that’s pretty enduring. This is why the lesson of just letting go and enjoying life is an important one. I wonder, am I really so narrow-focused on this race of life that I’m not taking the time to enjoy the scenery? I think I consider my current state of being to be a little ingrained, so I don’t think I can drop it easily. How much control am I willing to let go? I’m sure there’s a happy medium somewhere in there, but I truly haven’t found it just yet. Perhaps the first step then is to stop beating myself up for every little flaw and mistake. I mean, I should continue to celebrate the victories and such, but is it such a bad thing if I let something slide? If I can’t be OK with myself after something like that, how can I expect other people to accept me, flaws and all? Lots to think about.

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