I’ve just come back from my parents’ place. They made it a point to ensure that I was well-fed. It’s a good call, because if I was left to myself I probably would have been content just sleeping from this afternoon right until morning. Anyway, here I am, feeling a little worse for wear. Today’s marathon wasn’t really the marathon I wanted, but it’s the one I got. All things considered, I’m proud to have finished. For someone of my level of fitness, who completes two marathons with only three weeks in between? It’s not exactly widespread, so this is a badge of honour, you know?

The starting line for the race is far from the finish line. In the end, even though I really didn’t want to I ended up driving over. I kind of wanted to just go directly home post-race since I was close to the subway lines, but logistics just didn’t allow it to happen. I went there wearing just my running shirt and shorts. It’s a 15 minute walk from where I parked to the race site. Man, it was nippy this morning. As I strolled along, I pressed my middle finger and thumb together to try to focus. It was my way of trying to maintain some focus and not worry so much about the cold. As I strolled leisurely along, many people with a bit more urgency passed by, wearing jackets and sweat pants. In my mind I just scoffed.

The starting line wasn’t that crowded. The half-marathoners were sent out an hour before us, so the crowd wasn’t as packed. Right from the gun, I felt a little bit off. Unlike the last race my level of preparation for this race was lacking. I wasn’t confident, but I decided early on that no matter what the result I would enjoy the race. Oh, and I did. I mean, the race took me through neighbourhoods that I wouldn’t have seen otherwise. For example, what reason would I have to go running through Forest Hill or Rosedale? I saw a sign for a condo stating a price “starting at $900,000.” Like, what the hell? Rosedale valley is certainly a beautiful region to be in.

The race was progressing nicely, but early on I started sensing that I would have issues. Somewhere along the lake shore my left knee started acting weird. It felt like if I just made one wrong move I’d dislocate something. I did my best to keep things going straightforward. By the time 28K rolled around my left ankle was really aching. That was a sign for me that my body still hadn’t recovered properly from the marathon three weeks ago, and that I was trying to do too much too soon. Well, 28K into a race, there’s no choice but to continue onward, right? Getting a DNF wasn’t an option. Mind you, the thought did cross my mind. I told myself though that I wouldn’t forgive myself if I just gave up. In strong terms, I told myself: “Even if I have to crawl, I will cross the finish line.” And that’s how it was.

From the time my ankle started aching, my race sort of fell apart. I honestly just could not hold on to a run for more than a minute. I often ended up slowing back down to a walk. Many people managed to pass me in this period. You’d think that this would be demoralizing, but I stayed positive. I was still happy about running the damn thing. I just knew that it would take longer than expected. A couple of course volunteers made sure to check in on me. They helped to make sure my head was on straight. Despite the positivity, let me tell you, when the final kilometres take so long to pass by, it’s very easy to lose hope.

After a long slog, the 39K mark rolled around. From that point, it’s a long uphill climb to the Ontario legislature. That 3K seemed to drag on forever. I admit to getting a little emotional on that stretch. There are a lot of people along the way: a good mix of spectators and people who’d finished the race. They were all doing their best to encourage me and keep me going. That’s an odd feeling, but it feels so good. No tears were shed, but I was on the verge. I eventually got to Queen’s Park Circle. From that point, all that’s needed is to run around the damn thing. Too bad it’s a large circle. I knew that if there was any time to push, that would be it. There’s no point in holding something back at that point. So, despite the pain and discomfort I just went for it. Having the energy to do so just put a huge smile on my face. I ended up finishing with a time of 5:31:33.1. It’s definitely far from what I wanted to hit, but hell, I still completed, and that’s what’s important. No one can take that away from me.

I think part of what was making me doubt myself heavily the other day was the idea that I could be held up as someone that’s inspirational. Post-race, I still can’t claim something like that for myself because it’s not really in my position to do so, know what I mean? All the same, I know that my story is an example of someone so filled with determination to reach an end result. Just three-and-a-half years ago I was hardly able to run straight for 2 minutes. Years ahead, I have completed a marathon, which is physically demanding for just about anyone. Sure, my story isn’t unique. I’m not the only one that’s had to struggle. Also, I’m not blind, or otherwise disabled. In the grand scheme of things, there are people utterly deserving of a pedestal. I’m content staying here on the ground, minding my own business, I guess.

The race report follows after the break. Read the rest of this entry »

I feel like I’ve been hit by a train.

I want to write about the race, but in all honesty I need some time to process my thoughts and get some rest. I’ve been in bed since 4 just trying to let my body recover. My legs feel like cement blocks. Oh, but it was all worth it.

So yeah, race report will follow tomorrow. Preview: the race was awesome.

By the way I’m acting at the moment, one could be forgiven for not even realizing that I’m going to be undertaking something huge tomorrow. I’m acting a little bit cool and calm, like I’ve got everything under control. The act might seem solid, but my trembling hands seem to be giving me away. No, I am entirely nervous. Tomorrow I will be running my first marathon.

How am I feeling? Well, I’m doing a little bit better today than I was a few days ago. On Thursday I felt a little bit paralyzed with fear. Doubts were floating around in my head, making me feel like I’m going to be an utter failure on Sunday. I haven’t been training as hard as recommended according to the training schedule. I haven’t missed any of the key Sunday runs, but during the week I let life get in the way. I suppose it couldn’t be helped, but here I am now. I had a fear that if I don’t do well tomorrow I would be exposed as a fraud. Why should I be so inspirational? I actually ended up airing these fears on the social networks. The amount of support and encouragement I got from other people was entirely heartening. I can do this. Really, I can. It doesn’t matter if my body starts rebelling late into the race. I seem to have the mettle to keep at it right until I get to the finish line. God, I can’t quit. I’d be mortified! I think my saving grace is that I’m quite familiar with the ways that my body likes to rebel. I know the aches and pains that come up late in a run, and I know how to deal with panic. All of that is likely to come up in the back third, so I will work to combat all of that as much as I can.

What are my expectations for tomorrow, anyway? Well, since this will be my first marathon I’m not going to assume anything with certainty. I have a good idea of what my expected time will probably be, but who knows whether the conditions will be sympathetic. Let’s say…that I’m expecting to arrive between 5 and 5.5 hours. It’s a wide range, but I just can’t tell. More importantly, it’s imperative that I stay consistent with my pacing. I can’t afford to go too fast at the beginning to only peter out at the 30 kilometre mark. Training only took us as far as 32 kilometres, so that final ten is going to be bizarro world for me.

God, I just want it all to be done.