Being a student at a Catholic high school meant that I had to wear a uniform. Really, I think for someone like me it was a godsend (pardon the joke, I suppose) since I didn’t have to worry about what I had to wear, or having to stick out like a sore thumb for not fitting in whatever norms were in place at the time. Hell, given my track record in elementary, I know it would have been a daily shit fest. The uniform was sort of like a bit of equalizing armour wrapped in a cardigan. I figure that when I was starting out it helped me not be prejudged by other people. For someone nerdy like me it at least levelled things out.

The uniform was rather simple. It consisted of a white shirt, slacks or a kilt, and the maroon sweater (or approved black sweatshirt). I remember back then the uniform was always a flashpoint between the administration and the students. I’m sure it’s still that way today, but my memories are from a decade ago. Shirts always had to be tucked in. Girls’ kilts had to be an appropriate length. As a point of rebellion the girls would always hike them up as high as decency would allow–sometimes past, I guess. There are stories of vice-principals roaming the halls with rulers ready to measure just how far the kilts went above the knees. If anyone wore pants, they had to be charcoal grey slacks. I remember a friend of mine tried to get away with some same colour rose stitching on the legs of her pants. As much as they blended in, I remember her fear of being caught. Ridiculous! Why try to exert your individuality over something that you don’t really have much control over? Aren’t there other ways to stand out?

It’s probably expected, but I didn’t do anything to fly against the rules. Why would I? There was no need to get the administration on my ass, right? Well, my memory is entirely hazy on what happened, but my attitude changed on that front one day. At some point I began wearing a necktie with my uniform. I don’t recall the exact point that I started doing so back in high school, but it must have been late in Grade 11 or right in Grade 12. I wasn’t consciously giving admin the middle finger with it. There was no revolutionary statement that I was trying to make. Frankly, I think I just wanted to wear a tie. I was the only one. It wasn’t part of the uniform, but I don’t think there was a rule against it. I wasn’t doing anything that was trying to make the uniform casual or disrespectful, so really none of the teachers could bean me on it. The tie became my thing.

So, why am I having flashbacks to that period of my life? Well, over the past month I’ve been watching some old DVDs that someone gave to me of an anime from the late 90s. The main character for this show is a girl who insists on wearing a boys’ uniform to school. This is due to the fact that she wants to emulate someone she met long ago as a little child. She keeps pointing out that there’s not rule against it, but the counsellors keep harassing her about it. Anyway, somewhere late in the series they talk about another character who gained respect in school by carrying herself with an air of dignity, and doing things for herself and not for the attention of others. I kind of carried that to my experiences. The tie wasn’t for anyone but myself.

I’m not saying the tie gained me any respect, but perhaps it helped. It really wasn’t until late Grade 11 and Grade 12 that I recall feeling like I was coming into my own. Before that I was still trying to find my way around to see if I fit into any groups. Really, that endeavour was a spectacular failure, thankfully. And I say “thankfully” because if I had found a group I think I would have lost out on learning self-reliance. By the later grades it just wasn’t as important anymore. I didn’t really fit in anywhere and was more of a floater. So I ended up just having a “take me for who I am” air about me as I really focused on my academics. Hopefully it’s not imagined, but all of that gained me some respect. Perhaps the tie vaulted me to a place where I was suddenly beyond judgment. I honestly don’t know…

These days, I’m long removed from times where I had to wear prescribed clothing. Even so, upon reflecting on these days gone by I realize that there are lessons that I can apply today. I no longer have to don a necktie to get respect. I know though that maintaining my dignity can go a long way to moulding how others perceive me. Also, continuing to do things for myself and not for the approval of others just commands respect that can’t be picked up any other way.