I am an affected man.

As I approach the one year mark of my current weight loss journey, I’m finding myself in an odd position. Last time I wrote a blog entry about my weight, I was at a point wondering whether there would ever be an end to the madness. There are many voices out there that are telling me to either continue or to just stop. I’m trying to consider both positions to decide what my next steps will be. I mean, at the very base of things, I’m not particularly happy with where I am at the moment if I were to stop and maintain here. I’m still in the overweight BMI category, which irks me. Now, I know the whole deal about BMI being a bad indicator–especially for people with a fair bit of muscle mass, like me. All the same, I think I can still get closer to being normal. Way back, I was happy to make the shift from the obese category and cheered at being merely overweight. I think I can do it again. As well, from a physical point of view, I’m quite aware that I can still make big improvements.

Why do I want to keep hacking away? The easy thing to say is that society dictates that this is how it should be; society at large values the people who are fit. As much as there’s this movement for people to be happy with their current states, does that mean that no one should even bother trying to make improvements? How is that any better? I know, it sounds terrible. It sounds like I’ve given in and have bought into the shallowness. Well, from a pragmatic standpoint, looking better physically will increase my chances of finding someone. Doesn’t that suck?

You know, I’m not aiming to be stick thin. Hell no. Simply, I can do without the gut and the love handles. At the moment, that isn’t really apparent to people around me because I dress well enough to keep things under control. All the same, I know that the gut is there. Maybe this plays into why there seems to be a disconnect between what people see and what I see. If I tell family that I still plan on losing weight, they tell me that I shouldn’t lose any more, and that I look fine enough as it is. My parents have gotten to the point of worrying that I’ll waste away to nothing. Friends are telling me to stop. Do they not get it? Or am I out to lunch? It’s frustrating. I’m at a point where I feel like I’m insane. I don’t have any support from anyone else, so I have to be strong for myself. I’m not an idiot. I’m far too introspective to know if I’m going too far.

I hear a lot that I should stop as well to allow my body time to adjust. I think that’s a more sensible option, really, but I think I’m not at a point where I’m ready to slow down just yet. The timing doesn’t feel right. I’m working the forced plateaus in as it is. I’ve been setting my interim goals to be slow and sustained. There are no drastic rates to deal with at all. This approach has served me well. Actually, as I come to my one year mark, I’m actually on the way to miss my target by a few pounds. I’m trying not to feel like a failure despite this. I know that even though I’ve missed this goal, I’ve made a lot of progress in the big picture. Yes! I need to re-frame my perspective, I guess.

Come October, I will reassess myself and then map out how far I need to go. The journey is ongoing. Better to accept it than to fight it.